Commentary
For gay teens who have considered suicide
Editor's note: The following article first appeared last week in the Knight Errant, the student newspaper at Benilde-St. Margaret's School, but was removed over the weekend at the request of the school's administration. MPR's coverage of the incident is available here.
By Sean Simonson
I have considered suicide. Yes, I have considered taking my own life. Unlike six other boys recently in the news, I never took the steps to follow through on my dark thoughts, but, unfortunately, I can understand what drove them to. Because I know what it's like to be a gay teenager.
Imagine going through adolescence: hormones raging, body changing, and relationships that go a little deeper than friendship developing. Now, add on being gay.
Don't believe being different is difficult? Try going through a day in the life of a gay teen.
Every day you hear someone use your sexuality -- a part of you that, no matter how desperately you try, you cannot change -- as a negative adjective. That hurts.
You fear looking the wrong way in the locker room and offending someone. Politicians are allowed to debate your right to marry the person you love or your right to be protected from hate crimes under the law. Your faith preaches your exclusion -- or damnation. And no one does anything to stop it.
Recently, the Archbishop used money donated by an anonymous source to denounce same-sex marriage. That's right: a major religious leader used non-Church money from a questionable source to publicly condemn your right to express your love in a public and binding manner.
A public school district nearby -- after a wake of suicides by kids much like yourself -- cannot bring itself to put your protection from bullying into its policies. Members of the district fear your kind and how you might brainwash their children into thinking that your behavior is appropriate or to join your kind.
A political party makes its position denying your right to marry one of its main voting points. And your nation voted this party in office.
You cannot legally give blood to save a life, nor risk your life to defend your country unless you hide your identity and deny who you are.
Oh yeah, and the words "queer," "homo," and "faggot" that people throw around all the time? Yeah, those might as well be personal attacks.
This is daily life for me. And I can understand why, if you are gay like me, you might consider ending it all. But I hope you don't.
Why? Because without you, who is going to make it better for everyone else? Without you, no one is going to stand up against the injustice. I need you to help me make this world a better place for both of us and everyone else like us.
And all of you who don't have to undergo this horror daily, it's up to you to help. Don't stand by and let hatred go on. Don't sit back and watch your friends be discriminated against. Reach out and help those who might need it.
Together, maybe we can make the world an easier place to live for gay and straight teens alike. Because no one else is going to do it for us.
----
Sean Simonson is a senior at Benilde-St. Margaret's School in St. Louis Park and is an editor on the school's student newspaper, the Knight Errant.
Comments (109)
Kudos to you for what you've written and what you're doing, Sean.
We're having a similar discussion on our blog:
Is it safe to be a gay or lesbian teen in Northfield?
http://locallygrownnorthfield.org/post/19205/
Thanks for sharing your courageous article. The community is fortunate to have you as a member.
What is it about this article that struck a nerve so deep that a school chose to to censor it?
The first paragraph says the author has considered suicide and he understands what drove six other students to choose suicide over life.
Seems to me this article should be mandatory reading for schools!
Beautifully and bravely said, Sean. Bravo.
Fred,
According to the article it was asked to be removed after the comments on it becamse heated.
To me that means 1) disable comments and 2) remove *all* comments.
But this is a Roman Catholic school. And they are not a public school. A hard concept to grasp my first year on the student paper at another school was you throw all your "freedoms" out the window when you go there. If Mr. Simonsin's article were not on a school website, paid for at all with school funds, then the school wouldn't have any say over what went up there.
The same applies for the printed word. It could be printed outside of the school funds reach and not be subject to administration approval.
Sean you are a brave and articulate student. I didn't come out in high school because of fear, and didn't come out in college because of fear. Now I am "out", happy and have a family of my own. Even with all of the joy in my life, it is very hard to hear that harassment still continues today. It is disgraceful that kids have to hear elected officials, both within our government and within different churches speak against glbt people. I think a lot of people don't understand how hard that is to hear on a nearly daily basis. I hope gay kids around the country read your article and get strength from it. I hope politicians and church leaders read your article and summon the courage to speak up against the continued discrimination and harassment of glbt people. The voice of fairness and reason is so much quieter than the voices of hate. Thanks for being a loud voice, stay strong, and don't ever give up.
Sean you are a brave and articulate student. I didn't come out in high school because of fear, and didn't come out in college because of fear. Now I am "out", happy and have a family of my own. Even with all of the joy in my life, it is very hard to hear that harassment still continues today. It is disgraceful that kids have to hear elected officials, both within our government and within different churches speak against glbt people. I think a lot of people don't understand how hard that is to hear on a nearly daily basis. I hope gay kids around the country read your article and get strength from it. I hope politicians and church leaders read your article and summon the courage to speak up against the continued discrimination and harassment of glbt people. The voice of fairness and reason is so much quieter than the voices of hate. Thanks for being a loud voice, stay strong, and don't ever give up.
Wow! thank goodness Sean's school can't delete this from the big real world out here! I salute you, Sean, for your meaningful and brave words - you have captured in your article all that is wrong with the ill-will of those at all levels who deny you and so many others their rights in our nation.
Thank you for writing your story the more we can get to our GLBT youth the better we are. If you need help with a march or anything i would be proud to stand by you and support you.
Thank you to MPR for making this essay available to a much larger audience. Sean Simonson's message needs to be heard throughout Minnesota, not just in the tiny audience of a private high school newspaper. And Sean, if you're reading these comments, please don not let the school's actions deter you. I hope that my young son grows up to have the wisdom and courage that you do at your age.
As a Catholic one of the things I've always loved about the Church is that it encourages debate amongst its members and leadership. Unfortunately the censorship of this piece by BSM seems to contradict that and go against what I perceive to be the Catholic principle of discussion and debate. Clearly we as a Catholic church have a long way to go.
Thank you Sean for your courageous and well-written article. Your family and your school should be proud to have such a clear-thinking, articulate, morally sensitive, courageous and intelligent young man in their midst. You have so much to offer the world. Bravo!
Sir, after reading your comments, I will stop using the term 'homo' to be funny. I apologize for my insensitivity to you and all gay people. I am deeply sorry. I will also be more vigilante in defense of any one's sexual preference.
Thanks you for your frank and honest remarks, you've helped open my eyes.
Exactly why this story should be shared. @Tim Williams, thank you for being forthright and honest. And, Sean, your story is exactly what your peers need to hear. Kudos to you.
I think everyone should call the school and ask why this article is being censored from the website. The number is 952-927-4176. I am awaiting a call back.
Great writing - and a powerful message. As a gay man who did try to hide from himself for many years, I understand the things you are writing about. I am proud of you for being able to talk about your feelings in such a mature way at your age!
As a Lutheran, and seeing the difficulty that our church is going through with regard to gay clergy, I see that it is not just the Catholic church, but a number of Christian churches that continue grappling with this issue.
I am just thankful that the grappling is occurring! As unpleasant as it is, at least things are being talked about now, and not just kept in the dark.
Sean, You are an inspiration of what a true Catholic should be doing, speaking out for others, comforting those who need to be comforted. "Blessed are they who suffer persecution for justice's sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven" Matthew 5:10
The Catholic church and its hierarchy are playing politics. Currently the US Council of Bishops are meeting in Baltimore, becoming ever more political and not caring about the actual human dignity of ALL of its members. Its unfortunate that the Church hierarchy has reached the level of your school.
Though on the other hand, if the comments were getting out of hand and mirroring hate, administrators should protect you and everyone at the school. The balance is hard between speaking out and safety sometimes. Whether censorship of the article was the right thing to do is a question. Maybe just banning the comment section could have been a better solution.
I encourage you to be strong, and I will do my best to follow in your footsteps
A fellow gay Catholic
Sean is a brave and inspiring young man. Catholic institutions in the archdiocese are under increasing pressure from cruel Archbishop Nienstedt to censor anything remotely GLBT-friendly.
Decent people need to stand with courageous people like Sean who speak up. We can be rays of light in such a depressing and dark time for GLBT people and those who care about us.
Well said and beautifully written, Sean. No matter what some church leaders mistakenly preach, Jesus did not despise people, he stood for love. And so should we all.
As a non-Catholic, I have to say that it is extremely distressing to see the Catholic church not just suppressing dissent but actually inflicting harm on people like gay teenagers. Yes, the church still pursues an important anti-poverty agenda (albeit with less and less official support), but increasingly it is focused, both in Minnesota under Archbishop Nienstedt and worldwide under Pope Benedict, on pursuing a reactionary social agenda that is not only helping to tear our country apart, but most importantly hurts real people who want nothing more than to be equal and get their private lives out of the realm of public debate. (Sean Simonson asks an important question: have any straight people ever really thought about what it would feel like to have your lives and your basic rights up for discussion in public?)
My voice as a non-Catholic, however, has no impact on the church's behavior. It is up to Catholics who are concerned about these dangerous practices to stop being silent and speak out, to confront directly their priests and bishops about the harm that they are responsible for inflicting on people's lives and on society at large. (Don't worry - I'm well aware that there are plenty of Protestant churches pursuing the same dangerous agenda with the same hurtful impact, but none of them has the singular power of the Catholic church, and the Catholic church is what we're talking about here.)
Bless you, Sean. Keep writing and speaking out. You are on the front line of a critical civil rights struggle. My heart aches when I think of the pain that you have endured. Good people of conscience will stand with you. Thanks for your example of courage.
Sean, you are an amazing young man. Thank you for your courage and honesty. I too considered suicide in my late teens, but it did get better. I am now happily married to my beautiful wife and, together, we have survived and thrived through every challenge we have faced. It does get so much better. I am so proud of you for setting such an inspiring example for other GLBT youth. Keep it up and best of luck in the rest of your senior year, college and life.
The Catholic Church does not say anything about exclusion or damnation.
From the CCC#2358: "The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition"
It is EXTREMELY offensive to say that the Church preaches exclusion!!! They say nothing of the sort. I don't see how "respect, compassion, and sensitivity" can be misconstrued as "hate". Read their words! I hope that MPR and Sean will reconsider their statement about the Church. I will pray for Sean and the MPR employees that they will objectively seek the Truth.
The Catholic Church does not say anything about exclusion or damnation.
From the CCC#2358: "The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition"
It is EXTREMELY offensive to say that the Church preaches exclusion!!! They say nothing of the sort. I don't see how "respect, compassion, and sensitivity" can be misconstrued as "hate". Read their words! I hope that MPR and Sean will reconsider their statement about the Church. I will pray for Sean and the MPR employees that they will objectively seek the Truth.
I think that it takes courage and conviction to voice an opinion which differs from that of your peers. While I believe that people should be able to marry whomever they choose, other do not... and I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion; even if it is wrong.
My only fear is that with all of this emphasis on bulling due to sexuality, that we will lose sight of the big picture. We need to teach our children to be accepting of every one; gay, lesbian, straight, black, white or purple. It is not ok to make some else feel bad so that you can feel better. It is not ok to judge someone for who they are, what they choose, or what they look like. And the fact of the matter is that if you really asked I bet you would find that 90% of teens at one time or another were bullied for one reason or another, and I bet that a good number of those teens contemplated suicide as a way out.
I in no way want to lessen the value of this article... but I think there is a bigger problem here.
Thanks, Sean for sharing your story. And thank you for using your story to as call to action to stand up for injustice - injustice of all kind. Our community needs to hear this more often.
Thank you Sean, the bible says you are "beautiful and wonderfully made". You are my hero. It will take our whole community gay and straight, churched and non churched to shine the light on this injustice. You are not alone in this fight. God Bless You!
I was a gay teen in Catholic School here in the D.C. area. I wish I had your courage then. I promise that this time next year, when you go to college, your world will open up in ways you could never imagine. Be out from day one. You have my respect.
Thank you for your courage, Sean! You are not alone. Many of us stand with you in opposition to this bigotry disguised as 'respect'.
I truly admire and respect your courage to be authentic in the face of adversity. You are loved by God exactly as you are. I wish you all the best in life and will pray for you that you will be protected from all who would harm you. You have important work to do in this world. Sincerely,
Joy Lehtinen (I would be very proud to have a son like you!!)
I truly admire and respect your courage to be authentic in the face of adversity. You are loved by God exactly as you are. I wish you all the best in life and will pray for you that you will be protected from all who would harm you. You have important work to do in this world. Sincerely,
Joy Lehtinen (I would be very proud to have a son like you!!)
@Mario Perez - What is written in church doctrine and constitutions is not always (or even often) was is practiced by members of that church. For that matter, do many of us Christians even practice all that Jesus taught?
And on top of that, the CCC # you quoted says these "men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies." The Catholic Church in that statement is saying this is a choice, like someone who has the "tendency" to drive too fast or eat too much. Sexual orientation is not a tendency, it is a part of your person.
Thank you for your strength and courage to share your story.
Sean. I think what you've written here is truly important for our state to see and hear about. I am glad that you've shared these thoughts with others. My partner and I have found one another and I am so glad that during the difficult times he's faced when the Seminary turned their back on him, he didn't carry out when some of these other young people have. I've comforted him when his family have said hateful and very damaging things to him, I've helped show him a life where family provides support and love. We are all created the way we are by God and no church or government should deny our rights or silence our voices. You are another shining light that will be remembered for shared your story. It does get better. My partner and I both know this. :) Hang in there those that might be reading this. It gets much better.
Excellent article Sean!
I have mentioned your article on Twitter @RileyRants, my blog http://lickingcalcutta.blogspot.com/ and Facebook.
Bravo Sean. Stay strong.
Mario Perez! You have to look deeper into the documents of the Church. From the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, July 2003 (headed by Cardinal Ratzinger, who is now Pope Benedict XVI), the document "Considerations Regarding Proposals To Give Legal Recognition To Unions Between Homosexual Persons" says the following (my summary in parentheses):
(you're bad to the core)
"homosexual inclination is however "objectively disordered""
(you cannot be in a loving relationship recognized by the state)
"When legislation in favour of the recognition of homosexual unions is proposed for the first time in a legislative assembly, the Catholic law-maker has a moral duty to express his opposition clearly and publicly and to vote against it. To vote in favour of a law so harmful to the common good is gravely immoral."
(if you are in a relationship, keep away from children!)
"Allowing children to be adopted by persons living in such unions would actually mean doing violence to these children, in the sense that their condition of dependency would be used to place them in an environment that is not conducive to their full human development. This is gravely immoral and in open contradiction to the principle... that the best interests of the child, ... are to be the paramount consideration in every case."
God is Love; if he were to act contrary to love, then that would not be God. However, Love and Truth go hand in hand. Sexuality is intimately tied to who I am as a person and it is also intimately tied to love. If our sexuality is tied to love in such a way, then it is also tied to truth. With that being said, there is an appropriate and truthful way to express our sexuality and there is an inappropriate and untruthful way to express sexuality (objectively speaking--I am not necessarily implying anything about INTENTIONALITY here, although that also must be addressed). I think if people really believe that there is a Truth and that Love is real, they will see the issue of homosexuality as a critical issue which must be addressed. I am a Catholic who believes what the Church says, that does not mean that I don't genuinely struggle with what she teaches and try with ALL MY HEART to understand it. However, I will strive UNTIL THE DAY I DIE to seek the truth with reason and faith as my guide. It is time that both sides are honest with each other. Just because the Catholic Church teaches a message which is contrary to public opinion, does not mean that she is 'hateful'. I have to respect a person's conscience. If their conscience tells them something is wrong, and my conscience tells me that that thing is right, we ought to maintain respect for each other. However, If we love each other we will not refrain from seeking (or speaking) the Truth. Let's seek the Truth with LOVE! NOW!
This clearly and succinctly says all much that I have been trying to put into words recently. EVERYONE should read this article. Thank you for your words.
@MarioPerez: I can't tell you how many times I have read and reread the Catechism of the Catholic Church looking for solace, and never finding any. http://www.vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
If I were heterosexual, remain chaste and single would be a CHOICE, not a demand. Under the CCC, I as a gay man am not given that option. Rather, I'm expected to exhibit "self-mastery," "inner freedom," and "Christian perfection," yet expect only "disinterested friendship." In essence, I am expected to OVERCOME my homosexual tendencies and learn to deal with the suffering from the "difficulties...of [my] condition."
I ask you, how good would your quality of life be if you were told your own sexuality were subject to these rules?
Regardless of any position on marriage, the Church is doing very little pastorally for gays, and what there is (like Courage, which is literally a 12-step program for overcoming homosexuality http://www.couragerc.net/) does not meet gay Catholics at their need, but imposes rules that demean rather than edify. The Church's lack of meaning pastoral care on the one hand and hard-line stance on same-sex relations on the other cannot in any way be construed as respectful, compassionate, or sensitive.
The Church is coming between Christ and those who need him right now.
Sean,
Absolutely fantastic essay. You put down in words what many people know, but either do not connect the dots or choose to be ignorant to these issues. I wish I had been as brave as you when I was a gay teen at St Thomas Academy. Bravo!
Dear Sean ... I have a beloved gay son so your article touched me deeply. Your words brought tears to my eyes. You spoke out with such eloquence. I send you my love and thanks.
I am so thankful Sean for your very courageous and extremely well-written article. Your school, your community, and your family should be proud to have such a thoughtful, moral, and extremely courageous young man as you in their midst. You have so much to offer the world, but most of all you have offered the "truth" as you see it for all to read and understand. Thank you for sharing of your life and from your heart. Your an inspiration to everyone.
Wait....what is wrong with self-mastery??? I agree that the Church needs to improve on her pastoral care for such individuals that struggle with Same-sex attraction, but HOW is she getting in the way of Christ?
I, also, will admit that there is a tension here between accepting your whole self (including your sexuality) and realizing that improvement is necessary and change is required. It is called conversion and it's a life process that does not come easily. If we didn't need a savior, then Christ came in vain. I personally know men who 1.) Have accepted themselves and their struggles fully and 2.) Are striving against being a slave to their sexuality. These men don't claim to have been "changed" in the sense that their sexual attractions have all-of-the-sudden switched, but they do refrain from expressing their sexuality in a DISORDERED fashion. Do they fail at times? Yes. But their failure does not keep them from striving for self-mastery THESE MEN are heroes! Men, or anyone who exhibit self-mastery in regard to anything, including their sexuality, are absolutely heroic AND counter-cultural! These are the men that should be highlighted--they are criticized by the Gay community and they are rejected by their peers. Does anyone know what COMPASSION implies anymore????? It means to suffer WITH someone. IT does NOT mean to change reality in order to cater to someone's wishes. Sometimes the Truth hurts, but LOVE never fails. IF you love me, you will tell me the TRUTH! Thanks!
Thank you for a well written article. Please send it on to one of the major newspapers or the Today show/Good Morning America.
Sean is incredibly brave first to come out and bare such personal information and feelings in and public was and second to do this in the hostile environment of high school let alone a Catholic high school. (FYI-I am the product of 12 years of Catholic education.) It has been said that Sean lost his rights when he entered the hall of a Catholic high school that pays for the website and newspaper he writes for. I am assuming that Sean's family probably pays a pretty penny for tutiton at Benilde-St. Margaret's and yes, it's still a school run by the Church but squelching communication and debate does nothing to support the acdemic integrity of Catholic schools. The Church can still teach it's doctrine as it's universal truth. But maybe, just maybe the Archbishop needs to stop and think what would be a more Christ-like response.
@Joseph Turner: I agree that self-mastery is a good thing. But making it a requirement for gays, and not others in effect wrongly labels them as second class souls.
By treating gays (and women) as second class souls, the church is engaging in un-Christ like behavior. In all of his teachings, Jesus uplifted actions and attitudes of justice, love, humility, mercy, and compassion. He condemned violence, oppression, cold-heartedness, and social injustice.
You are courageous and deserve to be a student in a school that has more respect for gays and lesbians. It's not "running away", it's choosing a friendly environment.
Thanks Sean, Great article. Thanks for being real. Back in the 60's when I was a closeted gay teen, I wish I had mentorship on how it does get better. I lived in small town Faribault, working class and no openly gay resources. I am very proud of what you wrote. Jesus taught about loving all people. The Archbishop is part of a big God franchise that seems to be going broke anyway. A sad day, and most of my Catholic friends are walking away and leaving a bigoted church. Money Power and Control - using fear tactics sigh!
Thank you Sean for your courage and passion. Your message is articulate and brilliant. When I was attending Catholic School as a gay youth, reading something like this would have meant the world to me. I can only imagine the support and empowerment you are providing other LGBT youth.
Our world is blessed to have loving, caring people like you to provide understanding and comfort to others.
Thank you so much and may God bless.
The Bible teaches us to love one another as thyself....perhaps the Catholic Church has forgotten that. I was raised Catholic, and that is the lesson I learned, and no church's man-made rules or self-serving Biblical interpretations can change the fact that we are all God's children and He loves us. You are making a difference. Thank God you are here! The world is a better place for all of us because you are. I am a teacher in the district you mentioned and please know there are many of us fighting to change those short-sighted and politically driven policies. A better day is coming. Thanks for being so brave and so honest. You inspire me to be a better advocate for my students! Stay strong!
The church is a woman. Her clergy are suppose to be celibate, however the clergy struggles with their own feelings. Gay people here are not oppressed, woman in Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia and China are oppressed. We can love, we get to love in the agape form, rather than the eros form. I knew of a priest once, that had to live with the same struggle as this young man is living. The church is an instition that just told you the same thing as they told single members. Orientation is not a choice, it is a blessing, however we are to live a homogenius lifestyle, a lifestyle that is one with the father. We are not to bedhop like Blanche from the Golden Girls. Life is definately worth living, there is no time in life that it is not worth living. However, we are in christ's image, we should attempt to at least try to live like Christ. Secular society wants to make people ignorant on church and spiritual teaching. Marriage is a vocation and the fruits of that vocation are very great. The future of our humanity strives on marriage and family. What we have this day in age is a disregard for family and a fetish for sex. Why do we have to take a sledge hammer to fix something that a slight turn of a wrench can fix? I commend this young man for writing his feelings, but at the same time I condone what has been written because it is written out of ignorance to the church teaching. I wonder why gay people have to advertise their sexuality? Gay and Lesbian people are no different than anyone.
@Paul Hindemith. Although you have not found solace in the Catechism, does not mean that the Church doesn't have the duty to say the truth on sexual matters. I agree that the Church DOES need more ministry toward homosexual persons, but that does not mean that She will speak against the Truth.
The Church is not hindering those seeking the Truth. I agree with Joseph Turner that the bravest of men are those that have this struggle and fight against it. It's truly inspiring!
I am still wondering how "compassion, respect," and "sensitivity" are "hateful" words? I completely understand that people ARE hateful in their words and actions. They are sinners. We all sin. I think it's time we start to recognize what sin is and I believe that the Church will guide people to the Truth as Christ has given it. God bless!
Sean, I actually graduated from BSM in '07 as a gay male myself. I think you must have been in 7th Grade. I find this article very true and amazing, if I were back in High School at this time I would have put tape on my mouth and protest as well. I understand the reasons why they took it down, but I do believe it should not be forgotten. Support from the whole community is right here for you! Amen to you brother.
WELL said, young brother! Made tears come to my eyes.
Here is wishing you a great life ahead, full of love and meaningful endeavor! I believe you have it in you to help many people along the way.
David Shannon
LICSW, and early activist
God Bless you Sean!
your bravery, honesty and courage, is far beyond those who would try to silence your voice. They are reacting out of fear when Jesus called us to love and to fear not. Hate is borne out of fear and ignorance, remember this when you hear the negative remarks of others, truly they are insecure individuals who lack human understand and love. I know what you are feeling Sean, as a gay trans teen I had constant harassment and hateful words thrown at me on a daily basis, I was even spit on several times. I too thought of suicide often, please know things do get better as life goes on. All the difficulties you now face will give you an incredible inner strength that will carry you though! Here is a blessing already, What others tried to keep silent is now on the internet and being read by thousands, your words are a message, far greater than one from a church, it is hope for hurting gay teens and a wake up call for others to stand up!
Take courage Sean, Love is with you always! Your beautiful! Stay strong in love and you will shine.
Hugs!!! ;)
Sean,
Outstanding! I am the proud mom of an out bi son, and when he came out, my entire view of society changed--his happiness and security were in jeopardy because of who he was. And I realized also the courage it required to come out, as well as the risk he ran in doing so. As a parent, it is my joy to stand forward with my son and work to be sure our society is equal for all. I want to see same-sex couples holding hands in public as others do, marry, have children, without any fear, discrimination, or difference from any other couple. We must work for change--you are right that no one else will do it for us!
I try to keep this in mind: "For dialogue to happen, there must be a presumption of goodwill on both sides." There are many, on both sides of this argument who do not exhibit that goodwill. Thanks to those here who are willing to dialogue without the vitriol.
@Mario Perez: I respect your point of view. The crux of the issue is whether or not one agrees with the assertion that same-sex attraction is disordered is "truth."
I actually am not opposed to groups like Courage and Encourage, provided they do lead to full, holy, and fulfilling lives for their members. These individuals have chosen to be true both to their sexuality and to the chastity that the CCC calls for, and I applaud them.
For some, the thought of not having that one, special person to share their life is devastating. Being denied the opportunity to find that person in the same way a heterosexual person would (which, the last time I checked, does not require "bed hopping," @Joseph Turner) certainly feels repressive and makes words of "compassion" for those "suffering" with same-sex attraction ring hollow.
Absolutely nothing is wrong with "self-mastery," but I agree with @Andy Willette that it is being applied unevenly here.
Can we find a compromise where we can celebrate same-sex relationships that strive to remain as dedicated and "chaste" as opposite-sex relationships? (Remember, "chaste" means faithful, and does not necessarily mean "abstinent;" think of the term a "chaste spouse.")
Sean,
Very well said commentary and you are not alone in your support.
My opinion: This is one of many positions in the catholic church that drive many people away. It is a stance of bigotry, no matter how you word it.
Sean,
Great Job and yes I wish I could have come out in High School for I did not and eventually when I did come out I lost family for they did not want any part of me as well as they knew and continued to make the comments as well as the digs and innuendos for every one around to figure out I was gay. I do not understand why they felt the need to pull the article as well they do not want to create a dangerous environment for you or any other students. I will re-post this link to my Face book page as I know my friends will post it to theirs and it will travel far and wide. You have as well as will make a big difference int his world
Thx'Z
My apologies to @Joseph Turner; I meant to comment on @Bob Suszka's comment, which to me illustrates the misunderstanding of the issue. I don't think that Sean, I, or anyone else who is trying to have a nuanced discussion are speaking about "bed hopping," or a "fetish for sex." THESE are the marks of disordered sexuality, gay or straight.
Why must we "advertise" our sexuality? Because if we're silent, people like Sean will not know that there are people out there who made it through the coming-out process, and who lead full and happy lives. He's right. The constant banter, negativity, and politicization of an issue that's about PEOPLE, not ideas, chips away at you, and without voices to say, "You're OK, you're loved, and it will get better," it's too easy to view the future as a dark place. Too many of those who "suffer" with same-sex attraction have chosen to end it all rather than see that it's not so dark, after all.
Congrats...
being able to come out so publicly is a huge step.... i know the feeling of not being accepted... but i also know that I have tood up for whom I am and what I believe in... and it has being sooo much easier to walk thru life.... I just want you to know that there many of us like you that join you to help all of us to be brave and strong and to give support to those who need... I pray that we can make the difference... and that no more teens/adults/anyone take their life away because the louder our voice gets the easier someone who can make the change in our goverment...
I send you lots of blessings and thank you for being one of the braves to face the world
ana
i do say this for my daughter who is growing to be a wonderful little girls... next to her two moms
Sean - with you all the way. Best advice - turn your back ont his Medieval establishment as soon as you can! Enjoy your day at the beach! Don't keep hitting yourself over the head!
So you are gay? So are COUNTLESS Roman Catholic priests. In fact the vocation is tailor made for gays.
Best of luck!
I am a Catholic woman who happens to have a gay son. God created all of us and loves all of us, no exceptions! You're beautiful and deserve a wonderful life. Keep speaking the truth and seeking equality. Homophobia and hatred is alive and well in our country so we need to continue to be out and vocal. Things will get better!!!! Believe it!
For the Catholics in these comments, how do you rectify being associated with a church as inhumane as the catholic church happens to be?
All over this planet the catholic church has campaigned against every step of gay rights. This includes the right to employment.
Can someone really justify such a stance as being a moral one? Of course not....
As a gay Catholic priest, I commend Sean on his beautiful, perceptive, and accurate assessment of the tragic effect of the Vatican's current 'teaching' on gay men and their reality. I pray he finds usful spiritual support to remain a faithful catholic young gay man - there is no contradiction in that! Our church badly needs his charism, insight, ability to succinctly express truth. May he continue to lead us to experience the love of Christ while waiting for Vatican officials to repent and discover the truth and beauty of anyone created by God as gay.
Sean has offered us a stirring and genuine appeal. I believe that a true Awakening is underway in American and specifically in religious civic institutions. What you are doing is immensely brave and you deserve every bit of support that you receive. My brother is gay and my sister received immature death threats for advocating for GBLT rights at Minnehaha Academy (the threats came from outstate but the school's intransigence on even allowing this discussion is below cowardly). Its is time for parents and students to speak up and demand respect and security for all members of school communities. Time to throw our 21st century money changers (hate-fear profiteers) out of our civic and spiritual temples!
From what I understand the Catholic Church teaches that each one of us has
1.the obligation to form a sincere and well informed conscience
2. the oblication to follow such conscience in all his actions.
3. each one will be examined if he had followed his conscience not some else's
Does that help?
Dear Sean,
You must have nerves of steel and a heart of gold. How honorable it is for you to share the painful side of growing up gay - so that other teens may find the peace with themselves - peace that you obviously own - and demonstrated beautifully with your letter to the school paper.
As a straight woman, I have watched close friends and relatives struggle with the side effects of learning to accept the gay gift from God they are born with. And I do not understand the many people in our society who are angry and fearfully deny and condemn gay people.
As the debate your letter sparked rages on in the media, trust yourself that the wise ones will recognize your letter as healing and freeing to other gay teens.
You're so cool - carry on and keep smiling.
With love from your Aunt.
"The Catholic Church does not say anything about exclusion or damnation. "
And yet its children take their own lives.
Why doesn't that give you pause?
Well said, Sean - thanks for being so brave. I admire you and your writing tremendously, and I'll pass it on in hopes it helps many many more gay teens to feel less alone (and many straight teens to be stronger allies)
Thank you, Sean, for your fine & warm-spirited comments.
I am a secondary guidance counselor & I encourage you to continue to stand up for what you believe in--goodness, wholesomeness, and love for & appreciation of humanity. Keep up your excellent commentaries.
I am on your side all the way. You are a winner with a golden heart inside, to boot. Please do not let the antics of ignorant buffoons get in the way on your path to personal & career successes--the successes I know you & your peers want.
Hang in there, Sean. You are a great person. I really mean that.
As a guidance counselor you inspire me to work harder & smarter helping our young people.
Thank you so much.
David
What a fag
I am a straight woman, raised Catholic, currently agnostic... and here is why. All religions are made by man, and the world has thousands of religions. Religion is nothing more than an interpretation of what a person or group of people believe... no one can KNOW for sure who is right and who is wrong, but people want to know there is a higher power and a better place, and so they follow these ancient teachings that no one can prove.
Times have changed, we have advancements in science, we are more intelligent than we were back then, we have more knowledge. It's time to stop being scared. It's time for people to wake up and realize that the only thing that should matter is the love we give towards one another. If we treat each other with love and respect, then how can we be wrong?
So that being said, we are now smart enough to know that people are born homosexual or heterosexual. So why are people still turning to an out-dated book of stories to determine what is right and wrong? I think people are scared of change and that is why they lean on religion.
It's a shame because of their ignorance, young, talented, intelligent kids like yourself have to suffer.
You don't deserve this pain. You are an amazing person and if the idiots of the world can't see it, it's just because they are brainwashed and ignorant.
Sean-
You are a brave young man. If you were my son I'd be one proud father. Hang in there - a few pockets of intelligence & reason do exist on this planet.
What about straight people that get raped by gays?? This will become a large problem if our society gives to much freedom to gays.
I have a question for all to ponder: What about straight people that get raped by gays?? This will become a large problem if our society gives to much freedom to gays.
Dick Bigone- you are ignorance at its worst. What about women that get raped by men? That happens much more often. Maybe we should stop giving so much freedom to straight men.
Sean
Beautifully put. I admire your courage. I was bullied in Catholic school. Lay teachers and nuns turned a blind eye. I was in a dark place, tormented, no one to talk to about it.
I wish I could have had your courage or someone who was so visible and vocal about the unfairness. You are an inspiration. And hopefully your message will reach other young people and kids who feel alone and are suffering.
This censorship, as wrong as it is, may actually help you reach more people than you would have.
Rob
The second and third paragraph from the end made me proud to belong to the same Church that you belong to.
Bravo young man! Very well said and like you, when I was young, I did more than think about it, I tried suicide. Today I am so happy I didn't succeed, my life is so full, of friends and family I love and who love me. Stand Tall, Be True.
Speaking truth to power isn't for sissies: I appreciate you taking this public risk. Every generation seems to confront its own flavor of bigotry. The place that today's gay-bashers will take in American history will puzzle and embarrass my daughters in the same way that photos of white women screaming at black school girls puzzles and embarrasses me. Thanks for taking one for the team, Sean.
Your article was extremely brave and important. I am sure that your words have made a difference in the lives of many people who need to hear this message. God's love does not discriminate. Thanks for getting the word out.
Sean - Thank you for your courage. What you have done, speaking and acting out of conscience, is actually a very Catholic thing to do! I was bullied horribly as a young teen and would never have felt safe enough to do what you have done. It is because of people such as yourself that we are able to see *change* happen. God bless!
I would just like to point out that the website for the school in question has an editorial piece posted here:
http://bsmknighterrant.org/commentary/2010/02/09/abstinence-only-in-health-classes-not-realistic/
which openly challenges Catholic teaching and the schools implementation of that teaching. The presence of this article is evidence that the school does allow for the publication of controversial editorials, to accuse the school of not allowing open discussion and debate is incorrect. The very presence of an article critical of abstinence only education supports the administrations in their claim that they are open to dialogue. The above article written by the gay student must have been pulled for reasons specific to it, or more likely the comments made to it, and not out of some intent to stifle debate.
It took a lot of courage to a) write that you considered suicide, b) publicly announce your sexuality, and c) challenge faith leaders on their positions on homosexuality.
Sadly, even gay business professionals sometimes can't be completely open about their sexuality for fear of consequences.
Blog on SheTaxi.com: http://www.shetaxi.com/articles/topic_details/Working/Mzc0
The more conversations we have on the injustices dealt upon homesexuals the quicker the needle of acceptance will move. Well written and moving editorials, like Sean's, move us down that path.
Thank you MPR for publishing this.
This is both a real and timely reflection on the persistent and chronic
abuse that we tacitly support by our silence.
I am glad that this young man has found the strength and courage to fight against the darkness and survive. And yes if we do not take on those who are our oppressors and fight for justice who will- Certainly not those who profess to see God through RC Theology. If love doesn't produce babies it can't be love......So far have the once mighty fallen into shadow.
Sean, you are the future of the LGBT movement. Please do not ever give into any "dark" thoughts you may have. We need you, we needed those children that killed themselves. If you read these posts, please DO NOT listen the ignorant people spouting hatred. Being gay is NOT a choice, no matter what your Church or anyone else tells you. Each one of us is a unique individual and we should all have the right to be who we are! everyone should hear/read this message of yours. Your school was wrong in pulling this from your school paper. You are an inspiration to your generation and to mine. We need these dialogues and discussions in every American is ever going to be EQUAL! When you decide to have sex (or maybe you already have) PLEASE use protection, every time! Hope this finds it way to the Ellen Show, I am sure she would have you on as a guest! Thanks to MPR for printing this, and NO I can not make a donation to your station at this point!
SHINE ON, SEAN! Brilliantly written as only something from the heart can be. I hope you feel the love and support that are here with you. We'll stand with you and with everyone else who struggles until the end of time. The God I know would never dream of discriminating against anyone- we are all one, and all the same. Thank you for being a light. Sending you love on the wings of hope, joy and dreams for a better world. It's already better for you being in it. THANK YOU.
Beautifully written Sean. I too was a young gay man who grew up in Catholic schools, and despite the official position of the Vatican on all things gay, I found great companionship among my classmates, and not once did any of my teacher, mostly Catholic priests and Xaverian Brothers, ever hurl a homophobic slur or profess any sinfulness about being gay. In fact, years after graduation, a classmate of mine who came out as gay after high school, told me a story about about some counseling he received from one of the Xaverian Brothers. He told me that he was feeling confused about his same-sex attractions and decided to visit the school's "guidance counselor" to discuss his "problem". The counselor was a jovial, well-liked man of about sixty. When my friend entered his office, this man asked him what was troubling him, and my friend responded, "Brother, I think I like boys", to this, to this, the man smiled and replied, "so do I, Tom"...He said not to worry too much and that his door was always open if he wanted to talk. It's no secret that there are gay man in the Catholic clergy, but it's so rare that we hear a story about how they might actually be a positive force in a young gay person's life.
I believe in equal rights, however,
marriage is not a fundamental constitutional right. Otherwise, no prohibition on marriage would be legal, including polygamy, incestuous and other forms. It is a privilege extended by society to ENCOURAGE behavior that is beneficial to society.
Sean,
Don't ever forget that God made you just the way you are: Perfect!
Bless you!
Karen
It's so good to speak out about gay teen suicide and all that goes with that. 35 years ago, at 17, a classmate killed himself. Perhaps a gay teen--we were too young and afraid to have fully known that. But I never got over it. It changed my life, and others and of course, ended his. Speaking out saves lives. Silencing them, leads to tragedy.
Sean,
You are incredibly brave, and as a teen who's still in the process of coming out, you are an inspiration to me and others like me. Keep going, and always be positive.
-Olivia
Sean from someone who had to fight for the rights we have, which are few all I have to say is BRAVO and WELL
DONE!!
Sean, you are beautiful and brilliant. Your writing is extremely moving. Your church and your school have not been just or compassionate to you. They have failed you and other gay youth. Know that God's love for you is not dependent on your sexual orientation. God has a plan for your life. I wish for you courage and wisdom and the ongoing assurance that you are always surrounded by the love of God.
Young man, God bless and keep you for the courage and honesty you've shown in offering help to your fellow "same-sex-attracted" youth. The Roman Catholic Church may some day wake up, but I'm afraid it'll be too late for her survival in the West.
I do not understand why this school would remove an article which may save lives.
Well written & incitefull.
The world needs more people like Sean whom are brave enough to speak out for their beliefs and encourge others to do the same.
this article was so scurate of what gay teen deal with. every day i got to school and hear all kind of homophobic stuff being said, and it does indeed hurt. so im rather glad to be seeing this kind of thing said, being put into the publics thoughts. because people need to realize how there actions affect others.
thank you sean, your the reason things will get better for gay people in the future.
Sean, thanks for a well-written and thoughtful article questioning the legitimacy and application of canon law in a pluralistic and public square. The questions you've raised merit discussion and debate. It seems that was the purpose behind the editorial pure and simple.
Thomas Aquinas underscored the importance of human reason in sifting through various moral and ethical dilemmas. Issues related to gay marriage, particularly in the civil context, ought to understood in harmony with basic human experiences, not church doctrine. The working of the Spirit in the lives of every human being should not be underestimated in favor of selected biblical passages.
To be a practicing Roman Catholic is not exclusively about adherence to church teachings as some would simply have it; rather it is a journey through the ambiguities in life, a willingness to wrestle with differing perspectives and experiences, to be attentive to human experiences, and to embrace life through a lens of compassion and understanding.
Christianity at its core is really a theology of bridging; it is a bridging between the fortunate and the less fortunate; between the majority and the minority; between the familiar and the unfamiliar. Without this sense of genuine bridging, a kind of compartmentalism can creep in as evidenced by some responders.
Sean, thanks for your challenge to bridge-building, recognizing our solidarity as human beings, even among those of us who are different in one way or another.
joe
Sean, you are such a beautiful and brave young man. My adult son is gay and went to St. Louis Park High - he left to attend Perpich School of the Arts because he felt safer there. He could never have done what you did at your age. Thanks for your courage and ability to speak up when your own Catholic community does not accept you. I was raised Catholic but I am now Unitarian Universalist. If you ever want to come to my church with me you will find acceptance and love. It would be an honor to have you visit my church community. I would be so proud to sit next to you and welcome you with open arms. As a St. Louis Park neighbor let me know if you need my help at any time. Again, thank you for making this a safer world all our wonderful sons and daughters - who happen to be gay.
Sean, I just want to add my support. Keep reaching out to your peers, many of whom feel vulnerable and voiceless. Don't let anyone silence you. All the best.
There is a girl named timberly in my school and she is pan sexual, i am also . i have already tried telling others but they always mistake me for copying her. that is why i dont say anything and after a while of rumors it has stopped. i still worry though because they already call me WT for wannabe timberly. i want to be just myself . i have already cut and everything and i try to push suicide away..., does it get any easier to be in this situation over time, can i let others see me for who i am, or is it best just to not bring it back out?
Bravo Sean, keep up the good work. The one sentence that stuck in my head the most, though, was: "Together, maybe we can make the world an easier place to live for gay and straight teens alike." The word "world" should be replaced by "United States". I find it appalling that the top industrial nation in the world is so prude and backward. I was kicked-out of the US-Army 35 yrs. ago for being gay and the US hasn't changed that much for the better since then. I'm living in Germany now with my partner of 36 yrs. and being gay isn't an issue here.
Thank you Sean Simonson for your brave, bold very personal essay; it is not just a personal expression of what you live with but a manifesto of optimism and activism for gay youth in a world that still does not fully support or accept you, but wholeheartedly should.
Sean: Many thanks for speaking up! I hope that your message will reach many gay kids and young adults and we will no longer be hearing about suicides.
Sean, Somehow I had not heard your story til the update today on MPR, so I am weighing in late. I am a straight, middle-aged suburban mom and I commend you for your strength and your articulate message. The people in this world will ultimately "get it", but in the meantime we need to hear and listen to messages like yours.
Hey Sean. I'm from Shanghai American School Pudong and this website link was in our school magazine. I think that what you're saying is very brave and true. Being an American myself, I am appalled to hear what my fellow citizens are trying doing to homosexuals. You guys have rights, just like everyone else, and I support what you're fighting for. Hopefully, someday, people will be able to accept everyone for who they are. And when that happens, maybe we won't have to hear about teenagers committing suicide because their community can't, or wont, accept their sexuality.
May your article be the first of many standing up for gay rights.
Oh, and kudos to your amazing essay, for it certainly brought the matter to light, hearing the essay from your point of view and how you feel. Keep writing!
Sean, I believe that you are as God made you, and that you are loved.
In the time of Galileo, biblical exegesis went head to head with the findings of science, and we all know what happened. Exegesis lost.
The overwhelming findings of science are that sexual orientation is something that we are born with. God made us as we are. Now, if we accept the book of
Leviticus literally, in conflict with the broader message of God's love, it seems to me that we are saying this:
That God created gay/GLBT people so that emotionally insecure Christians would have someone that they could persecute, or pick on, so that they would not have to feel so bad.
If I believed that, I could not be a Christian.
Let me sincerely apologize for how the church has bulldozed those who express their homosexuality. My personal convictions align with Ephesians 6:9&10: "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God." The Bible lists homosexuality as unrighteous (see also Leviticus 18:22 & Romans 1:27-32), so I cannot condemn the church for holding to the convictions of scripture. If we forgo the Word of God, everything the Church claims falls to the ground.
However, the fact that the church puts such a taboo on homosexuality is shameful. I don't struggle with homosexuality, but I would certainly fall into the category of those who do not inherit the kingdom of God as an idolater and coveter - not to mention former thief in my childhood years. I derserve as much condemnation as any other sinner.
We have all fallen short of the amazing Glory of our God. We all need saving - that's why the church proclaims the saving work of Christ, who was perfect, dying on the cross to save us from our sins.
Pointing a condemning finger at one sin over another, however, puts the church under God's wrath for assuming a place on God's rightful throne of judgement. Sean, know that your loving God will condemn those who have hatefully condemned you. (Matthew 7:2)
I am a teen im 17 and recently came out to a choosen few, i was already depressed, and could use someone to get advice from so if you would email me bbre3@comcast.net i would highly appreciate it
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