Commentary
Dos and Don'ts when interacting with the disabled
by Haddayr Copley-WoodsThis year marks the 20th anniversary of the American With Disabilities Act. Commentator Haddayr Copley-Woods says that while progress has been made, lots of people still need an ettiquette lesson when it comes to their interactions with disabled people.
Copley-Woods:
DON'T Stare. I know we're fun to watch. Sneak surreptitious glances instead. And please keep the look of disgust off your face.
DO Acknowledge us without staring. This means letting us place our own coffee orders and noticing when we are trying to get around you in crowds.
DO Give up your seat on the bus or train for disabled people if you were sitting in the accessible seats.
DON'T Look around beaming, expecting praise for this selfless humanitarian gesture. You did not just save ten children from a landslide.
DO Ask if someone needs help, and then abide by their wishes. Disabled people like to pretend that we're capable adults. Humor us.
DON'T 'Help' without asking. If someone in a wheelchair has rolled up to a door, they probably have some sort of a plan. Leaping over us and flinging the door into our shins is not a noble gesture. And NEVER just grab the back of someone's wheelchair or a blind person's arm and start 'helping.' Imagine how startling it would be if random strangers started shoving you around.
DON'T Ask strangers intrusive personal questions such as "what's wrong with you." Sure, you are curious. I myself find some fashion choices curious, but I have learned to live with mystery.
DO Remain calm if your young kid loudly asks such questions. Clutching her to your bosom and running like there's a fire is a bit of an overreaction. Instead, pay attention. Does the disabled person lean forward and smile at your kid? Let your kid ask her questions. Does the person look annoyed? Gently tell your kid that people move, look, and act all kinds of ways and it's best to give people privacy.
DON'T Make condescending jokes about a person's mobility devices, like: "Have you gotta register those crutches as lethal weapons? Haw, haw, haw," or "No fair! I want a wheelchair!" Just because you are deeply uncomfortable with disability doesn't mean you should make us uncomfortable, too.
DO Talk about the weather. This is Minnesota. There are endlessly burning issues to discuss on this topic, which should at least last you an elevator ride.
See? That wasn't so bad, was it? Just follow this handy etiquette guide and you'll escape with dignity intact. More to the point, so will we.
Comments (12)
Wonderful! I laughed and cried, when I heard it. And it was informative and helpful.
Thank you for this.
That's fantastic! Also, after reading that you're braving a wheelchair in the twin cities (I tried for about 3 weeks. Never visiting in Nov. again) *and* write SF/F, I totally have a girl-crush on you :)
I think this list covers just about everything. Though I'd also add: DON'T PET the Service Dog. Ever.
(unless you are in a person's home, and the dog is off duty. But if you've gotten that far, you probably don't need this guide)
I'd like to add, eliminate the word "disabled". When my car is "disabled", it doesn't work. Having a disability is different from "being disabled".
Love it!
Also, if someone is deaf and has already started their coffee order in a cafe, they don't need a new translator to tell them the specials in sign language, many can lip read or they have a plan to get their message across. I saw that many times at a cafe I worked at.
I always open doors for people who are coming through with me, keep them open for those coming after me, and hold the door for people who have their hands full. I never ask. Tell me why holding the door for someone in a wheelchair is different? I hope your example was extreme, but I think door holding is common curtesy.
Linda, I think it's crucial that in Haddayr's example ("leaping over us and flinging the door into our shins") the person in the wheelchair was _first_ to the door, and indeed is so close to it that there's insufficient room for it to be opened without cracking their shins. I don't think anyone is objecting to the notion that the first person in a group opens the door for the others. But in Haddayr's example the person in the wheelchair *is* first to the door. Rushing past them is the action which communicates that you think they're incapable.
how about not calling them "THE disabled"?
love it! Just one to add: don't tell US that everything is going to be just fine. Unless, of course, you know for sure, in which case? Let's talk.
Thank you for this, especially the audio.
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