A Tricky Business
Posted at 6:05 AM on May 3, 2010
by Dale Connelly
(30 Comments)
It was a beautiful weekend for yard work and I took advantage of it - mowing, raking, digging, dragging things around and cleaning stuff. With each busy little step I noticed another new job that should be tackled and completed right away. That's what you get when you own property in springtime - mission creep. This rampant multiplication of tasks is enough to make a person feel overwhelmed - like there's more work to do than can possibly be done. Heavens, my life is hard. Woe is me!
But wait.
But at least it wasn't my Sunday afternoon job to find a way to shut off a mammoth oil geyser spewing crude into the Gulf of Mexico one mile beneath the surface. When it comes to difficult tasks, this has everything you could want in an impossible job - it's violent, oily, out of reach, costly, harmful to innocent people and wildlife, and the world is watching.
One can only imagine the conversation going on behind the scenes. If this were a disaster movie (it may be someday), there would be a struggle underway between the decent but cautious engineers, some callous and slow witted bureaucrats, a group of quick-on-the trigger military men, and one brilliant yet unconventional scientist / adventurer / daredevil who has an out-of-this world never-been-tried totally wacky plan that makes absolutely no sense ... but it just might work!
The scientist has a sexy sidekick and a few sympathizers, of course, but for the first two thirds of the movie he has been thoroughly discredited. His ideas are laughed at! But when the other, more customary solutions fail and the President can only shrug, a military solution becomes inevitable. An enormous nuclear bomb will be detonated at the mouth of the geyser, burying the opening underneath tons of up heaved and resettled ocean floor. The leak will (probably) stop and the Gulf of Mexico will become an uninhabitable radioactive pool for 200,000 lifetimes, but after that things should get back to something approximately normal.
Of course this crazy course of action serves another, darker purpose - the Generals want to rid the troublesome region of uncooperative governments! Those careless fools! What are they doing?
Now our hero becomes humankind's last chance! The only way to avert an even larger disaster is for him to put his plan in motion and solve the problem before the military can pull the trigger. He leaps into action, doing something frantic and reckless that involves a deep sea pressure suit he designed in his garage (it's never been tested at this depth!), an underwater cork, a special talent for communicating telepathically with sea creatures, and many rolls of duct tape. But these are minor details.
All we need now is a title, a tag line, some casting decisions, and a production schedule!
Comments (30)
this topic is a bit too close to home for me - my brother lives in Louisiana, works for LA Seagrant at LSU now, that position new after years of research with the Fisheries Institute at LSU. Seagrant is kind of in the middle trying to communicate but also, i think, trying to protect LA fisheries economy. Dave says the birds are the real victims. he says the islands east of the delta are just covered with Black Skimmer nests right now (ground nesters) and the babies have hatched. and the winds from the SE are relentless and pushing the oil slick right to those islands.
check out Seagrant's info on the spill here.
On the upside, he says that this is the first big spill in the over 60 years of Gulf oil drilling. it's a really bad one and we sure could use a hero. don't let me pull you down this morning - please do try to find a solution, and cast that movie. i'm sure a goat can fit in there somewhere, but no diving suit please. they don't like water except to drink.
good morning, All
Good morning to all. Dale, I think this movie would be an improvement on Hot Tub Time Machine which I saw this week end and which I hoped would be better than it was. Hollywood seems to be hard up for good movie scripts, so your idea might be just what they need.
If Johnny Depp wiil agree to do this movie it might be in production soon. I guess you do need a tag line. Well, I'm sure some one will come up with one this morning.
Gee, Dale, this is hard so early on a Monday morning.
I'll make the easy call. The hero has to be played by Harrison Ford because, well, just because. Harrison Ford always plays the guy who must take some drastic action to save the world. Let's give him a sidekick who is spiritual and wise, someone who will supply commentary that makes it clear how dangerous the big stunt will be. That would be Morgan Freeman. Harrison will need a really cool vehicle of some sort. I'm thinking it is a tiny submarine fitted with lasers, only it was never meant to be operated so deep as he plans to take it. We'll need a ludicrously beautiful associate scientist, and for her I'm thinking Angelina Jolie because she fits the Hollywood ideal of "female scientist" so well.
I'm having trouble with the title. "The Final Goo." Nah. "The Glop at the End of the World." Hmm. Maybe the word "crude" would help, as in "The Crude Disaster."
If we film in 3D, this is a winner.
First... Dale & Mike, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the Americana Showcase tickets last Friday night. I've never won any of the drawings before so what a nice time for my luck to change. It was FABULOUS! Any chance Jasper has any David Stoddard in the library?
I'm thinking Jeff Goldblum for the scientist/hero... he's got that good underdog thing going for him. Tag line .. something like "Yes, it's as black as it looks." The production schedule should probably include sending some folks to LA right now to make sure we have some live footage for the movie. Not that LA needs any Hollywood there right now!
goats... the only solution.
the underwater one man and 6 goat submarine that can get the the mouth of the underwater source will have to put the goats in the new oil proof goat diving suits that are designed especially for an occasion such as this. goats because of their outstanding ability to jump and cavort are uniquely adapted to get into the ruptured area of the oil rig and cover the holes with an oil membrane that will be held in place by the pressure of the oil trying to escape but will be strong enough to withstand the years of pressure. in fact they get strong and more permanent as time goes on therefore requiring no further maintenance. this aspect was realized by the genius scientist who headed up the task when called by the president. he will bill the oil companies and only require 80% of the oil companies profits for the next 500 years which should allow him to set up a foundation to solve many of the problems besetting the planet to day and in the future. the crema foundation will be a leading philanthropist in the universe for ions. all because of the ability to keep a cool head when all others are in a state of panic.
i got mt hostas split and replanted this weekend, the sprinkler system turned on and the fertilizer spread before the weekend kickoff of the girls fastpitch softball league on sunday. what was your job jar list?
Johnny Depp. :-)
Good Monday morning, all.
As Barb points out, this oil spill is a major environmental disaster. The production of the film might have to wait until they get the spill under control, although we don't know what a Hollywood producer might do.
Dandelions are history at my house as of yesterday... didn't get the hostas split (yes, it was on my list!) because we spent 2 hours doing the emergency vet thing in the late afternoon. So hostas are still on my list as well as moving some lilies that are being overhshadowed by an evergreen that got bigger than expected. But grass is cut, both big gardens are weeded and all the summer yard furniture is out. Phew!
ooooh could we have agelina jo;;e get in a diving suit with the goats . i am remembering raquel welch in her diving suit in fantastic voyage and i think this has possibilities.
tag line. to bad this isn't china we could just say this is a third world nation and let someone else deal with it. but here in america we clean our own messes. (pan to angelina in her diving suit...) "cmon crema put that membrane right in here"
i can see it now!!!
i like harrison ford as the head of the oil companiy and morgan freeman as the head of the milatary, sean connery could be the government liason, michael douglas as the president, johnny depp as the scientist and angelina jolle as the sub driver and genius science assistant, crema is young but i think she can handle the lead goat role.
I am seeing this concept differently-perhaps influences by my childhood reading. The book A Fish Out of Water was written by Dr Seuss' wife. The boy over ffeds the fish and he outgrows all vessels. Mr Carp from the pet store in just fins and goggles goes underwater and returns the fish to normal size.
You can have your Harrison Fords and Angelinas-Give me unsuspecting heroes and goats!
Glad to see we're on top of this so quickly. Don't forget a role for Robert Downey Jr.
Got a lot of gardens weeded, at least partially. Didn't make it to May Day Festival, did anyone else? (besides Aaron, who was in the parade is memory serves)
More later after Husband is off computer.
I was going to put in a vote for Nicholas Cage as the scientist...but I think I'l be outvoted by the Johnny Depp contingent. Ah well. At least there will be goats, it seems.
Morgan Freeman must be in the movie somewhere. I've had a crush on him since he was on Electric Company playing Easy Reader...
Dale-
The song about Hadestown reminded me of the Bruce Springstein collaboration doing the Erie Canal. Could we hear that one this morning?
Thanks
in from milking. encountered a litle welcome committee as i entered the barn - Crema, Luna, and Rosa had somehow escaped their (very closely fenced for their safety) pen during the night and were running around and causing an uproar. the Big Girls were yelling at them to get home and Loki and Dancer were yelling "how do WE get outta here too????"
so Tim - i think you're right that Crema could find that leak and help cap it. she is agile, smart, and crafty (and cute, too). she is the most forward and friendly of the triplets. Rosa is the strongest and Luna is forceful (read bossy). so we could use all three playing one part, like they did with all of those multiple "Lassies" and "Rin Tin Tins" to accomplish the feat.
tag line "this is bad, but we stand a goat of a chance."
good request julie. i relly like that springstein collection. plain fun
great tag line barb
Until we find an alternative to oil, I think this disaster points to another reason to focus on what are estimated to be billions of barrels of oil under western North Dakota in the Bakken and Three Forks-Sanish shale oil fields. There is certainly less excitement for oil workers out here than in New Orleans and it's la lot colder, but the environmental impact is probably less. We did our yard work last weekend. It was very cold and snowy/rainy this weekend. Our rhododendron is blooming and my husband's hops have made it through the winter, so we are pretty happy.
Hollywood recycles everything so make it simple: just aadapt "Hellfighters" of 1968 to the gulf. Of course, do have to replace John Wayne, and you have named H. Ford I guess. Is Katherine Ross still alive. Timothy Hutton could play his father's role.
"You loved them in space suits; you will love them even more in diving suits."
"Mucking in oil."
What about The Blob - the answer to oil leak? The former villain is transformed to hero status by swimming to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico and capping the oil leak. Huh? Steve McQueen could get the assist.
It could happen, couldn't it?
Dale (& tim): will be seding you the pix of the "sculpture" at MSUM later this morning. Proved to be a bit harder to photogtaph than I thought. But got a couple decent pix. I will send them with an explanation.
tim--where are you; out west, right?
I assume that the diving suits will be in gaudy plaids?
"Goats in Plaid the Musical"
or for Mike "The Blob in Plaid the Musical"
Yes, Clyde, and if not Katherine Ross, could we have Sigourney Weaver or Jodie Foster or some good female role model in there??
And for parents of teens - I just heard a couple of sobering hours of Midmorning, the first about video games, the second about teen girls having a harder time establishing identity due to a number of factors. Not everything would apply, of course, but probably worth listening to if you have a chance.
Renee - Hops? Do y'all make home brew?
And if Molly is out there who has this small portable HD radio, where did you get that?? (Caught your comment on the rebroadcast.)
As I work today, I have been considering the metaphysical implications of a plaid blob, sort of a visual oxymoron, but with very high 3D potential. I will have to contact my former student who is a Hollywood TV producer on this one. Sarah Vowell could do the voice;
Barbara-My husband thinks that he can give the flowers to a friend who likes to make beer. I just wanted a vine that would grow on our deck to provide privacy and shade. It is only its second year, and I undersatnd that hops can grow 25 feet in a good summer. They die down completely in the fall and start all over again in the spring.
Suspense builds when just as the membrane is stretched into position, it loses hold and is thrust several hundred yards backward. Harrison and his goats immediately activate their nautical Nikes and speed-water-walk to retreive the casing. Meanwhile, Angelina cleverly averts further harm by blocking the leakage with her full impermeable lips.
The portable HD Radio is from Best Buy. It is their Insignia brand. Its smaller than an iPhone about the size of a small MP3 player. Its FM only and if I recall correctly was about $50. As I mentioned to Dale, I use the auxiliary input for my car radio.
For Linda, I did have the unit freeze once. There's a reset button on the side that works and if I remember I didn't lose the presets.
That portable HD radio from Best Buy? It's wonderful and I love mine! I listen in the car and on the bus.
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