Trial Balloon

Trial Balloon: May 13, 2010 Archive

Take a Dip

Posted at 6:05 AM on May 13, 2010 by Dale Connelly (26 Comments)

Radio Heartland has tickets to a landmark event at the Cedar Cultural Center this Saturday night - the first Twin Cities appearance in five years by the legendary Doc Watson. The concert has sold out at $65 per seat.
Only three pairs of tickets remain.

As is the case with all our drawings, this is open to everyone.
You do not have to be an MPR member to enter or to win.
We will close off entries at 1pm and notify winners later this afternoon.

Enter the drawing.
Follow the rules.
Good Luck.

There was a message waiting for me this morning from idea and event maker Spin Williams, the genius who chairs an ongoing brainstorming session out in L.A.

Here at the meeting that never ends, we're getting excited about hair! Hair soaks up oil, so people are shipping nylons stuffed with their own clippings to the gulf area to help clean up that oil spill! Imagine - sending off something you had absolutely no use for in the first place! That's really generous!

But there's this problem - BP isn't using the homemade "hair booms". The official explanation is that they're uneven in quality and difficult to manage and there are lots of artificial oil suckers available so shorn locks are piling up in warehouses and may go unused - a terrible shame and a horrible waste of hair.

But then I realized something while watching coverage of the unemployment rate and another Tea Party rally on Fox ... we don't have to ask permission! A human being is quite portable and under the right conditions, easy to manage! And if you count all of the very fine strands that grow just about everywhere on you except for your eyeballs, the human body has about 5 million hairs on it. That's a lot. So you are really your own hair boom, with legs and a brain! Even baldies like you, Dale! So why can't we follow the example of the Tea Party and self organize into a human sponge brigade? Even if it was just the nation's unemployed - that would be more than enough. We can go dip ourselves!

This is an incredibly simple thing. Arrange your own transportation to the troubled area. Once you get there, shampoo yourself thoroughly to wash off all the natural oils, and then go soak up some crude! Allow yourself to steep for a bit. Dunk your head. Splash around. Do the backstroke. You'll be surprised at what you accumulate! You'll be as pathetic looking as an otter at the Exxon Valdez, but much better able to take care of yourself!

Walk ashore and look for a place to clean up. If the volunteer clippings keep coming in from hairstylists and pet groomers, I predict the people down there will have to dump them in mammoth open hair pits. You can jump in and roll around to transfer the oil, and then go back to the ocean and dip yourself again! Simple!

People are generous with themselves and their time, and they like to solve problems. Here's an idea that can make a difference. It's a REAL Tea Party, and you're the bag!

Although he doesn't care for negativity, I told Spin this seems like a very bad idea - just a way to drag the oil ashore to be deposited in motel bathtubs. It's great to volunteer, but most people would draw the line at diving into a pit of donated hair. I think.

What has been your most unusual volunteer experience?

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