Trial Balloon

Trial Balloon: May 5, 2010 Archive

Powers of Persuasion

Posted at 6:00 AM on May 5, 2010 by Dale Connelly (23 Comments)
Filed under: Captain Billy

Radio Heartland has tickets to a show by Carrie Rodriguez and Romantica at the Varsity Theater in Minneapolis this Friday night, May 7th.
The doors open at 7 and the music begins at 8pm. We'll close off entries at 1pm and notify the winners by e-mail later this afternoon.

Enter the drawing.
Obey the rules.
Good Luck!

Our fiscal year-end member drive begins today. I strongly encourage you to make a contribution to Minnesota Public Radio and be sure to mention that Radio Heartland is one reason for your support.

The challenge of the first day is to get as many people as possible to voluntarily hand over some of their money. With that in mind, I contacted a consultant in the money-handing-over field for his expert advice. My question to Captain Billy and his crew aboard the pirate clipper "Muskellunge" - how do you convince people to share their resources without threatening to do bodily harm?

Here's his response:

"Har har hardy har har har har har har har haaar hardy-har."

"That was a good laugh and thanks fer it. I has often been in a position to make th' request of a stranger that he transfer all his worldly goods with me fer safekeepin', much in the way a bank might solicit deposits.

T' do so without issuin' a threat? Hardy har har har!

If'n I had t' get money by me powers of persuasion alone, by golly I'd tell 'em how vitally important it is t' have a thrivin' pirate sector in th' economy, an' how our flamboyant lifestyles is a cultural asset - even fer those landlubbers what don't partake of it directly. Our lives is artwork, personified. How dreadful an' colorless th' world would be without our peg legs an' eye patches an' shoulder parrots an' such!

Th' stark truth of th' matter is this - a world unstructured enough t' include th' possibility of swashbucklin' pirates holds open the prospect of all manner of unsupervised activity. 'Cause if governments had total control, piracy is one of the first things they'd eliminate! Th' curtailin' of less disruptive freedoms would be sure t' follow.

So while it might be true that pirates on a individual level is unpleasant to encounter an' disgustin' t' behold, th' very fact of our presence in th' world is proof positive that yer freedom still exists.

And ain't that assurance worth a small piece of change?

I daresay it is and then some. In fact, I'll be pleased to take all your valuables right now, so put 'em on the table or I'll bend yer pinky backwards until you screams fer mercy!

An' the shirt off yer back, as well! Har har har!

While I can't endorse any of the Captain's demands, I hope you'll find something in his argument that convinces you a contribution to MPR in the name of Radio Heartland is a good idea - personally beneficial for you and a "cultural asset" at least as valuable as the colorful pirate lifestyle.

A reasonable amount will suffice. You may keep the shirt on your back.

Do you think you're a persuasive person?

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