Trial Balloon

Trial Balloon: April 1, 2010 Archive

Snot Funny

Posted at 5:22 AM on April 1, 2010 by Radio Heartlander (34 Comments)
Filed under: Guest Bloggers

From the Desk of the Heartlanders
Guest Blogger - Donna

It's April Fool's Day! The day that was invented for merry making, tomfoolery, and trick playing on whomever we have left for friends. Raise you hand if you share my enthusiasm for this world's most neglected holiday.

My awareness for playing jokes developed early in life, having an older brother who subjected my sisters and me to many ingenious pranks. He booby-trapped our doors with pullstring firecrackers, drenched us at the kitchen sink by rigging the spray nozzle, and mortified us with whoopee cushions. His most impressive stunt took place one night during supper when he sneezed an enormous amount of snot into his hands (he'd stuffed green jello and little bits of lettuce up his nose) and ate it.

As a result of my brother's damaging exploits, I decided that when I grew up I would only play jokes that were lighthearted and recreational. Two that I really enjoy can be performed at dinner parties. The first is, when the host asks you how you like the food, answer, "It tastes pretty good, but it's a little tough." Then spit a few Tic Tacs onto your plate so it looks like you've lost some teeth. The other one is, while chewing, stand up and begin coughing vigorously. Continue to cough, make gagging noises, clutch and point at your throat and pretend to pass out. With any luck a good-looking single male will come forward and administer chest compressions (the lifeless faker determines the duration). When you've had enough, open your eyes and exclaim, "JUST FOOLIN!" then watch the fun unfold.

In the event the resuscitator is old school CPR trained and combines compressions with mouth-to-mouth, be sure to use breath spray and apply shimmer gloss before choking. During the heroics, try to look as desirable as possible. Hopefully you've landed in a tempting position with your head titled back and a bit to the side. Keep your lips parted but resist any urges of tongue movement. These should be enough subtle signals to communicate that you are available the following Saturday night.

Yes, April Fool's Day never fails to bring out my playful, fun loving nature!

Have any all-time-favorite practical joke stories?

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