Trial Balloon

Trial Balloon: February 25, 2010 Archive

A Slice of Regret

Posted at 6:00 AM on February 25, 2010 by Dale Connelly (39 Comments)

Apologies are popular right now. From Tiger Woods to Akio Toyoda, everyone's doing it in public and on the record.

Usually, taking responsibility for your actions (or lack of action) is a good thing, although with the modern press conference apology it is crucially important to hit just the right note. It can feel false if done too lightly or awkward if you confess with an excessive amount of relish.

I pray I'll never do anything so horribly wrong that it becomes necessary to eat humble pie in front of the assembled world's press.
But just in case, I will keep this recipe in my pocket.

Mince Pie.jpg

Humble Pie

1 or more Bad Mistakes
A Difficult Admission
Numerous Thoughtless Acts
1 Crow
2 TBS bitter pills
Shortcomings
Shame
Amends

Spoon bitter pills into small glass or ceramic bowl. Swallow.

Arrange mistakes in pie tin greased with shortcomings; rue thoroughly.
Meanwhile, pour remorse into large saucepan, simmer until thickened.

Peel difficult admission and scrutinize to a paste.
Carefully review numerous thoughtless acts and flagellate until chunky.
Spread scrutinized admissions over mistakes, crumble thoughtless acts on top.

Once remorse is bubbling, add contrition and humiliation to taste, then pour mixture over the layered trangressions.

Cover completely with shame. Bake at 350 until eyes water and breathing is punctuated with gasping sobs..

While you wait, vigorously beat self to pulp with wooden spoon; pluck and eat crow, raw.
On a clean, separate surface, begin to make amends.

It's that simple!

Do you follow recipes, or do you like to make it up as you go?

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