Yesterday, I quite seriously suggested we develop a movie scenario about Invading Goats from Outer Space. In the ensuing discussion, Heartlanders took this idea to be a rather lighthearted, inconsequential concept, and that's exactly what it should be as long as you do not turn out to be one of the unfortunate Earthlings to fall under the hoof of an Extraterrestrial Goat.
When (not if) that happens, then the idea suddenly becomes deadly serious.
I can't get it out of my mind. Look at that face and think about it for a moment.
Goats from outer space!
Any invading force has to have a reason for wanting to take over a territory.
The essential question we had to answer yesterday was "Why?"
"What are they after?"
The options for Space Goat Motivation fell into these general areas:
More specific reasons included:
It seems to me in a movie of this sort the invading force should actually have two motivating factors - what we think the reason is, and what it really is.
I like all our options as an explanation what we THINK drives the space goats.
Because we Earthlings always think everything is about US, I'll choose "A Population to Dominate (us!) as the presumed reason.
But what it is REALLY?
maybe these are the criminal goats - sent away for misbehaving - and earth is their Australia?
or are they benevolent beings sent to watch over us, keep us busy, save us from ourselves?
love the spaceship goat, Dale :-)
Maybe they're just exploring space, the great frontier, going where no goat has gone before?? Hard to believe with the whole CARLOS thing going on.
2 very different ideas, Barb. Does this mean that on any given day, with any given goat, either seems likely?
I vote for the second, as the first implies that being sent here is a kind of punishment, and the goat-wardens I've heard about here are much too kindly for that to be the case. They seem more like spa attendants.
Maybe that is it-Earth is really Club Goat.
"Space Oddity" came into my head when I saw Astrogoat, Dale. Is that in the library?
I'm especially thinking about all the cartoon goats of my childhood, who invariably were eating tin cans.
You deserve some kind of award for most creative use of Photoshop. I like that your AstroGoat has an air of gravitas, as befits a space pioneer.
You all cracked me up yesterday what with all the goat scenarios. I don’t know if I can take another day. Oh, all right, I can. Bring it on!
I'm still thinking about Club Goat. So are all the humans destined to become spa workers - manicurists and pedicurists? I'm assuming the spa won't be offering the Full Body Jojoba Exfoliating Wrap?
I think we have missed an important point when considering why goats would take over the earth - I think they want to improve their position in the earth arts - literature, song and dance, film, etc. We have a treasure trove for other animals - dogs, cats, dinosaurs. What have we got for goats? Billy Goat Gruff; the scapegoat, (a loser if ever there was one!); the goats in the book Heidi.
I think the goats want to endear themselves to us in a new and emphatic way, so we will welcome them when they take over. It could happen.
Greetings! In my befuddled state this morning, I'm going to latch onto Barb & Catherine's idea of Earth being Club Goat. Of course, they start out in small numbers (like Barb's goat farm) to start us in the habit of caring for them, cooing and fussing over their every whim, placating them with food, sex and rocks to climb.
Next they start their ascendency with PR about the superiority of goat's milk, cheese and other goat products (but not meat or hooves). Then they become the next "hot" pet that everyone must have, and let the pampering and groveling begin. That's when we're hooked and the Space Goats start arriving in larger numbers. Now we can't help ourselves -- they become Goat Gods and we give them our undying devotion.
Coming soon to a movie theater near you -- Got Goat Milk?
Excellent, Catherine - Space Oddity, AND Club Goat. And they've even got Barb making Goat Soap for them, there's a spa item if I ever heard one. They've got many of us dreaming of having a goat farm (spa) in our "retirement", for God's (Goat's) sake.
Perhaps the goats are refugees from a Planet Goat apocalypse. They, literally, ate themselves out of house and home and the remaining population (now much smaller) is looking for a new home. It appears from their research that Earth is mostly unpopulated, but when they get here they realize their miscalculation (their instruments did not pick up the human life form). They quickly form a plan to ingratiate themselves to the natives by appearing more cute and endearing...without fully realizing that they might be enslaving themselves and would wind up in (horrors!) petting zoos. Revolt is inevitable eventually - unless, unless Ghandi Goat Vaclav Hovgoat can find a way to turn the tide for a VelvetGoatMilk Revolution...
Joanne - you don't know how close you are to the truth! smaller goat breeds (Nigerian Dwarfs, Pygmys, Pygoras, all sorts of crosses) are ever more popular. soon, i'm sure, is a breed that will be a "purse goat"
my goats, at least, love their size - big and powerful. but the pampering would be good. Alba loves a warm rub down with my (rice in old socks) handwarmers in the morning.
Good Morning All,
I think Teri might be right. The goats may have come on a cultural mission and I think we should welcome them. I think we have already seen the positive effect of goats as part of the discussion here and we know from what Barb and Cynthia say, that they have been important additions to their lives.
Perhaps what we are experiencing on Radio Heartland is a pilot project of the invading goats' for a plan that they have to improve the culture on earth. If so, I wonder if they think that their pilot project is suceeding?
How good of Gary Rue to write a song for our discussion. Thanks, Dale! :)
The Goats thank you, Dale, for playing "Good to Be a Goat!" there are some false statements in there (never are rough, brag not too much but just enough) but all PR stretches the truth just a bit, i suppose.
like Kris, i wondered if you folks could do this a second day. again, i am amazed and delighted by your cleverness and playful humor. i think you have joined Cynthia, me and all the other future, present, or past goat owners out there in our love of these animals.
Remember, Teri in Zimmerman, that the 3 Billy Goats Gruff (Tre Bukkane Bruse) tricked and prevailed over the bridge troll. The space goats may do the same with/to the human race.
My new (alien) goat is absolutely the cutest kid I've ever seen...if they are using her to take over my farm, it's working.
Off to feed them...and get my goat fix.
Happy thursday, y'all.
ha, it's not cold here in Utah, Dale! forecast is for sunny and forty and windless!
lovely weather for goats!
ah, i'm remembering the goat prayer from last year, perhaps from Cynthia???
i think their prayer has been answered and the goats are here to get a little wild freedom, a little giddiness of heart, the strange taste of unknown flowers!
i, for one, welcome them--humans are overrated as world leaders and rulers, in my opinion.
better than sheep!
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
this is the motto of this great land of ours and aliens are part of the huddled masses. i believe it is most likely that there was a religious, philisophical, soul stealing dictator on the planet goath where these high spirited independendant being could no longer be held prisoner to this heathen war lords mandates. they stole away in the night in small groups and went searching the universe for a friendly place where they could hasve the freedom required to live in goat bliss.
this began almost unnoticed in thelate 60's early 70's when there was an introduction of facvial hair in males on this planet to a much greater degree than ever see before. it began with full scruffy beards and fu manchu mustaches but by the millenium had transformed primarily into "goatee's" a subtle but thinly masked way to manipulate our feelings about goats in general.
lets celebrate the arrival and immersment of these two cultures into one.
only in america.
what a great county.
now can we ease up on the border crossing issues just a bit. tear down your fences texas, arizona, new mexico and southern california.
oh, yeah, goatees! good one!
It's 49 below here this morning, and I don't think that any reasonable space goat is going to western North Dakota, at least not today. We have lots of mixed grass prairie, so perhaps they are looking for summer feeding grounds with very few fences. On the other hand, we also have mountain lions...hmmm.
the universe is the epitome of survival of the fittest. thus north dakota (from an old fargo boy)
Tim, yes, let's welcome in the space goats and do something about those fences on our Southern boarder. I think there are some other things we will also need to do to make this the place that the space goats might hope that it is.
Good Morning RH,
I just left a site of quotes, searching frantically for something to steal to post today because I have even less schema for sci fi than for goats. (Hard for you to believe I'm sure, but remember where I live.) Found a couple of Albert Einstein's that might work:
1. "The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." This one should give all of you a lift, but It also applies to spacegoats because how could they have gotten where they are having not initially dreamed a dream to work with George Lucas?
2. “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” This one has an obvious typo. Change the last letter in goal to a t and what do you have?? Even Einstein was caught up in their spell.
No school here (snow day) so I'll be able to check in and out as much as I want. I challenge RH bloggers to make 3 or more posts. If your name is Barb or Barbara, I challenge you double.
Catcha later on the flip-flip.
Donna...I'm printing out "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goat" and hanging it in my cube today. Jealous that you have a snow day - we didn't get enough here to even get the plows out in force, so it's work as usual.
Base Alien Relocation Barracks?
too much coincidence?
I'm starting to feel like Neal Hagberg in his spot for RH -- in it he says his house is a mess because he's so entranced by the music on RH that he can't get anything done.
Between trying to keep up the clever and witty repartee on the blog and listening to great music -- I, too, am spending far too much of partially unemployed time playing here. I'm sure Space Goats are behind all this to lull us into complacency for the takeover, and turn us into the pampering staff of Club Goat.
Tim - oh drat! you've uncovered us!
don't tell our groveler, please. she has no memory because we took that from her when we planted her here.
Donna - love the "tie it to a goat" quote!
peez sent moor Gerls
you humans haven't the faintest idea....
now go back to your fattening pens (a good term, Elinor?) and pretend that we are not carnivorous
There is a persistant and widely held rumour out here that the recent appearance of mountain lions in western North Dakota is a result of ND Game and Fish Department importing them, sort of like how they stock walleye in the lakes. Many people will swear they have seen game wardens releasing the lions from their pickups. This may be a reflection of a great public imagination, and I am sure that we could convince the public here that the appearance of great goat herds is a result of aliens, or perhaps the ND Game and Fish Department. Maybe game wardens are really aliens.
Oh man ... we are ssooo in trouble. Those Goats in Blackhoof have grown digits to type on computer and are now communicating to Outer Space via our blog. I'm sure they won't hurt Barb or Steve as their Grovelers, but the rest of us slackers had better be prepared!
i think we need to start picking out who is going to play what roles for the movie. the cohens feel right but maybe we do our own filming on location in blackhoof and just bring up the stars. i am thinking meryl streep for barb and robert redford for steve. we can have the goat voices be will smith, john goodman,
cathy bates, norah jones, and an ethyl merman impersonator. we can develop a plot with the space journey, the assimilation, the everyday life, do an animal farm kind of a twist. lets not do the computer generated likeness. i hate that.
gosh dale its all coming together.
I envy Kay's mild climate, but nothing beats a snow day, right Sherrilee? I'll talk to the great goat herder in the sky about sending nasty weather your way.
Barb - I love the notion of a purse goat. My new kitty is lovable, but playful to a fault. A few minutes ago when I walked past him, he made an athletic leap and bit my behind. I'm still in my pj's and felt it fully. I never get dressed on a snow day before noon. There's nothing wrong with that, is there Dr. Heartland?
Keep the posts coming gang! Pretend you have the day off and it's miserable outside and you could be putting away the Christmas decorations and shoveling, but that can wait until later, much later, when your daughter wakes up and helps you.
Title: Creatures form the Blackhoof Muskeg
Alternate titles: Toadies to Goaties; O, Polka Mia
Synopsis: Aliens crash land in Carlton County. Discover herd of goats into whom they easily morph and call for recue ship. Tell rescuers how to disguise themselves. In meantime discover pickled herring, lefse, and lutefisk are abundant here. But on home planet Maltastic they are sold for several hundred Zlobgees a pound. Easily dupe Scandinavians into becoming their toadies to start an export business. Their presence is detected by a mountain lion, who is really an alien in hiding to learn how to play the accordion, which happens to be the main instrument of torture on the planet Maltastic. Lion drives off aliens and rescue ship by playing polkas, moves to France, and becomes a hit on the bistro circuit.
Stars: Alec Baldwin as leader of the goat aliens, Madonna as his love interest, and Angelie Jolie the mountain lion.
Background music arranged by Lyle Lovett and Tom Waits from music of Abba.
OK, so for those of us who were standing in line at 5 a.m. about 13 months ago, waiting for the last MS at the Fitz, could anybody imagine that this is what we'd be up to today!?!?!?! Dale, you must be proud!
Title: JASPER Jive
Alternate titles: The Ovine Strain; Radio Heartless
Synopsis: Superior race of aliens watches earth for years to find some possible use for it. Leader Carlos recognizes that goat dung is a perfect space ship fuel. Decides TV is the way to lull earthlings into complacency so they will not be recognized. Discovers a small group of people are not falling for it. Make robot called Jim Ed Poole to gain mastery of these people through radio and a mysterious blend of music that strokes the listeners brains and sends messages back to mother ship. Robot decides to go native, so they retire him and send a program called JASPER. Heroic programmer named Mike Pengra fights for control of JASPER, but fails. Last shot shows us that goats will eventually take over the whole earth, which then becomes a convenience store for aliens, called Dung and Donuts
Stars: Meryl Streep as Barb, Lindsey Lohan as Donna, Maggie Smith as Cynthia, Mark Hamill as Mike Pengra, Buck Henry as Jim Ed, Brad Pitt as Carlos and Robert Redford as Dale.
Background music a mix of Enya, Bob Dylan, and Hip-Hop arranged by Paul Williams.
Who stars as Clyde? And TGinTH
Okay, all, I'm just getting in my three entries as per Donna's request. Not my best day physically or mentally or creatively.
to add to the aleady excellent casting -
Clyde: Antonio Banderas
TGITH: M Emmet Walsh (not for body type - for talent)
and i think i'm more a Cathy Bates than a Meryl Streep :-)
Donna's new kitty: the Mountain Lion
Joanne: Bruce Lee in drag
Barbara in Robbinsdale: Louise Lasser
Kay H: Donna Douglas
Renee: Frances McDormand
Catherine: Judy Dench
Kris: a young Ruth Gordon
Teri in Z: Clark Kent in drag
Jim: Eddie Albert
Tim: William H Macy
Elinore: Ann Hathaway (a runner?)
Anna: Doris Day
Sherilee: Spring Byington
Dale: John Housman
So, what ya got there in the chipper, then?
Mark Hamill? MARK HAMILL?
Mike -- it's how we all see you... as the swashbuckling young hero who saves the galaxy as we know it!
OOOOO does Judy Dench knit?
Clyde, my head is spinning. Maybe if I sat down and did the costume plot it would all be clear to me.
Renee, that is really -49 isn't it, not just wanabee windchill. I have such respect.
Dale, I think perhaps you have created the real monster and it is us.
No casting ideas here, but I do think we need to get the woman who did Priscilla, Queen of the Desert as the costume designer.
Oh Catherine, I'm so sorry I wasn't more clear: the windchill was -49. The air temperature was a balmy -37.
It's ok Renee, I still have great respect.
We've heard that at -20 (air temp) a pan of boiling water tossed into the air (the water, not the pan itself) instantly turns to ice with an explosive sound.
We are sort of hoping to get to test that out-apologies to all, but we can't help ourselves.
that's my 3rd post-I shall watch everyone else's progress with interest
what is the record anyway?
Oh geez. To quote someone a few days ago: " i leave for a few hours and you folks go berzerk." It's going to take me the rest of the day just to read the posts since I left at 9 this morning.
I try to imagine what it must be like to be Dale as he unleashes one of these things in the wee hours of the morning. NO IDEA where the hell it's gonna go, right??
yes, Catherine!! PQotD for sure!! especially to make Clark look as cute as Teri in Z. lots of fluff and of course, Bruce Lee would have a boa
Yes, I'll have to third it (Priscilla Queen of the Desert was an amazing movie, if any of you are Patrick Swayze fans and haven't seen it...)
OK, according to Donna I have 3 posts to go. This shouldn't be a problem.
You must mean Maggie Smith when she was a young woman playing me...yes???? Never mind I was just invited to play a "creepy old woman" in a local movie to begin filming in Cloquet in February (see "Lumber Jill" on Facebook...everyone in red plaid)
And "ovine"? When did we start talking about sheep??? Surely you mean "Caprine" when you talk about goats!
(Do I have to post this again tomorrow for Clyde to see it?)
Au contraire mon ami, Clyde. You and creativity are as one, even on an off day.
Barb - what fun! I came up with a few more castings before seeing your post. My list has some duplicates and isn't as extensive as yours. (Apparently you watch a lot more TV than I do.)
Jack Nicholson - Clyde
Garrison Keillor - Jim
Bill Murray - Tim
Diane Keaton - Barbara
a young Woody Allen - TGITH
Amy Adams - Anna
Frances McDormand - Kay H
a young Shirley Maclaine - Joanne
Reese Witherspoon - Sherrilee
William H. Macy - Dale
Ben Stiller- Mike Pengra
Johnny Depp - Majority
This makes my 3rd post but I doubt if I'm through yet. Hang in there TB'rs. This could be a marathon!
I'm here Cynthia, after sleeping since my last post. Hope I make it home. Anyway, I did not know I could time travel to cast people. Apologies for Ovine--I am in a fibor-fog today. Names are hard to come up with in a fog. Mike, I wanted the other guy from Star Wars--went to Ripon College, duh . . . .you know Indianna Jones. But could not then nor now come up with his name. For me, Jack Elam when he had a white beard.
Cool Cynthia, you're gonna be a movie star!
Clyde - Harrison Ford?
I love Reese Witherspoon... I love the idea that someone with big teeth is playing me, since I actually have a little mouth! Although I love Spring Byington as well -- didn't she play Marmee in one of the Little Women movies? Or maybe Lauren Bacall!
Donna...what about Blythe Danner for you!?
Yes! Harrison Ford, Clyde.
-Dale, if you are still following this mayhem, you should put Christine Lavin's song about Harrison Ford on the playlist for tomorrow as a dedication to Mike.
Donna, love Johnny Depp as Majority-somebody earlier had an Ethel Merman impersonator for one of the goats, but didn't specify who.
Barb, if you are passing on Meryl Streep, do you think she could play Dream?
That's 4 for me, really must stop now.
Yeah, H. Ford, better, Mike?
How could I leave out Blythe Danner. I have had a crush on her for 40 years. Her daughter, Gweneth, is a pale shadow of her lithe beauty. And that voice!!
Spring Byington, one of the great character actresses. Someone should be Helen Hayes, if, as I now see, we can cast across all time.
yes, Dream could be played by Meryl or Glen Close - either one of those tawny beauties would portray her well. i assumed Ethyl Merman was going to Dodger. Niblet still wants to be my dog - he likes Lassi but he isn't as brave - so not Rin Tin Tin either.
Sherrilee - I'd love to be Blythe! Thanks for the offer.
OK Kids - here's something else we can post about to keep this thing going. Have you ever been told you resemble a celebrity and if so, WHO?
I'll go first. Mia Farrow. I'm serious. Two people have told me so and neither of them were drinking at the time.
Catherine...great idea for costume designer...!!!!! I want to sit on top of the bus with my scarves flowing out behind!
Sissy Spacek when I was younger. But I kind of think Barb & Donna nailed it with Louise Lasser and Diane Keaton. In my twenties I practally lived the "Annie Hall" movie. (Except I could never sing like she did.)
When I traveled and people would pick me up at the airport, the office staff used to tell them to look for Santa Clause with thick g;lasses (but I got rid of the thick glasses).
M. Emmett Walsh???
...geez, what'd i ever do to you?...
Your costume designers for Queen of the Desert (which is sort of Lord of the Rings in drag):
i thought Donna was Lindsey Lohan... (whoever that is).....
people say i look like M. Emmet Walsh
My husband thinks I resemble Greta Garbo, but he's biased.I've been keeping him posted on the blog activity today, and he thinks we all have cabin fever.
4:22 p.m. Is this a blog record?
I get compared to a young Richard Dreyfuss a lot.
I wouldn’t have thought yesterday’s blog could have been surpassed, but you all did it! This is even funnier than yesterday. I enjoyed all of the casting suggestions, too! If we didn’t set a blog record, we came pretty close.
You don’t have to wait until it’s twenty below to do the thing with boiling water tossed into the air. We’ve done it at −10º, although it probably is more impressive the colder it gets. The easiest way is to use a Pyrex measuring cup and heat the water to boiling in the microwave, and then rush to the door and toss it into the air. It is pretty cool. Or you could stay inside and watch this video instead.
Thanks Kris! that was awesome!
We will still have to try it (hopefully without the 75 mph winds thank you very much).
Sounds like tomorrow night will be the time to do it.
You can all be spared now, from our household wishing for -20.
I was told once, when we were both younger, that I could be played by Meryl Streep, but think for the movie it would be better to hear Dream saying,"I had a farm in Blackhoof".
Sherilee - no, some of us have been on at 10 pm.
Renee - I was thinking cabin fever and snow day, etc., but I think this has gone beyond that... We have to be under the spell of the alien goat leader. or SOMETHING.
The part that I wish could be caught on film (and made into a Cohen Bros.) movie is when we all head to the back door with our pyrex cups full of boiling water and throw them into the air.
gptta go milk Dreamy. fun day; thanks
people say i look like a young Wolfman Jack
p.s. Clyde - who are Tim Chappel and Lizzy Gardiner. I suppose I could google it, but who has time with all this blogging to attend to?
Woops, just saw Kris' link to video. Note to self - not on a windy day.
Yes, fun day. 'Nite everyone.
Tim Chappel and Lizzy Gardiner are the actual costume designers of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Donna...never been likened to Maggie Smith, but lately some have said Meryl...personally, I don't see it except perhaps my nose...top part.
Someone once said Julie Christie when I was very young...that really was a stretch...reallllly a strettttcccchhhhh.
Will we still be posting on this blog in the morning?
A cyclical return: Starting with Barb's very first post--"I WANT TO GO TO AUSTRALIA."
RH'ers have gone to the goats, for sure, so I guess the take over is true. What fun to read the blog today, as it is everyday.
Thanks SO MUCH Heartlanders! It was really nice to be able to pop onto the blog as the day dragged on and have a quick and funny respite from the rigors of insane clients and suppliers!
A few more castings:
Cate Blanchett - Michelle in Winona
Meryl Streep - Cynthia in Mahtowa
Helen Mirren - Barb in Blackhoof
C-3PO - JASPER in the studio
This may be the day's last posting. (And what a day it was!)
I'm primarily doing this to tie today's total with the # of responses to the funeral music topic that Kay H. got us started on back in February.
Barb - If you were really Roy Orbison's niece I might fall for that Wolfman Jack look alike bit.
Barbara - some people are on the blog at 10 pm? That's insane!
You’re welcome, Catherine! I hope you will let us know how it turns out. It won’t be explosive, but you should get a nice "whoosh" from it.
It’s one of my favorite uses of the microwave, along with making S’mores and having Peeps tournaments on Easter.