Trial Balloon

Goats From Outer Space

Posted at 6:00 AM on January 6, 2010 by Dale Connelly (38 Comments)
Filed under: Goats

This afternoon at 1, we'll repeat Sunday night's broadcast of a Radio Heartland exclusive - a series called Americana Showcase .

Organized by Brandon Sampson and the band Six Mile Grove, these shows bring together musicians from southeastern Minnesota, the Twin Cities, Nashville and beyond for performances at Rochester's Civic Theater.

The January installment features Brandon along with Dezi Wallace, The Flatwheelers (Martin Devaney and Jake Hyer), and Chris Knight, an excellent songwriter who is often compared with Steve Earle and John Prine.

Americana Showcase will be heard the first Sunday of the month at 6 pm, with a repeat broadcast the following Wednesday at 1 pm.

My, what a busy, chatty group you have been in the scant two days since I returned to the studio! The back-and-forth in the comments section has been exceptionally brisk. Yesterday a strong interest surfaced regarding alien abduction theories as a plausible explanation for mysteriously lost hours, misplaced identity and other missing valuables. I should have known.

It will not surprise you to hear that there are other communities on the internet that share your tendency to believe this bizarre explanation for a world of troubles - that aliens are among us and are messing with our stuff and with our minds.

2_Alba Alteration 8_2.jpeg

It was a few weeks ago that I posted this photo of what I casually claimed was an actual image of a Goat Queen from Outer Space issuing invasion orders. I immediately went to great lengths to assert that I had doctored the photo and there was, in fact, no reason to panic. Hmmm. Why try so hard to calm fears that hadn't been expressed .... Unless!

Could it be the rumors are true?

No, the rumors are not true. But I did hear from marketing analyst and idea man Spin Williams, who had this to say about the topic:

"It's a great time for space alien theories in general. At The Meeting That Never Ends, we regularly review ideas for movie projects to determine if there is a market, and I can tell you that right now people hunger for stories that explain human behavior in a way that shows humans are NOT RESPONSIBLE for a lot of the stuff that is going on. The most promising script to come before us recently told the story of an incredibly successful athlete and celebrity with this amazing twist - he was a space invader sent here on a mission to impregnate as many Earth Women as possible before being recalled to his home planet. Genius!"
But Spin went on to say that legal problems with the copyright status of words like "Tiger" and "Woods" will probably keep that movie from being made.

Regarding the Alien Goat Force concept, he said:

"Goats are an under-exploited animal in Hollywood. Dogs, Cats, Bears, Whales, Dolphins and Chipmunks have been done to death ... but goats are still fresh and new. Image-wise, of course."

So the field is wide open. The world might be ready for a movie about Goats from Outer Space, but it will happen only if we decide to write it.

I guess the first step would be to determine their motivation.

If Goats from Outer Space invaded Earth, what would they want?


Comments (38)

whatever they could get their mouths on

Posted by Beth-Ann | January 6, 2010 6:18 AM


Well, if they're coming from outer space, then they certainly don't want our technology. Maybe they're looking for a more expansive dog park than they have room for on their home planet?

Posted by sherrilee | January 6, 2010 6:25 AM


i don't pretend to know what Goats want; except i know it is always different or more than i give them. but that might be my projection. and maybe THAT is what they want - my feelings of inadequacy.

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 6:28 AM


Good Morning to All,

Dale, are you sure that alien goats have not already actually invaded. How do you explain the way goats have become such a big part of your blog. Is it possible that Barb really was sent to Blackhoof to establish a colony of alien goats?

Posted by Jim | January 6, 2010 6:28 AM


Barb,

So The Goats have no notion of what it means to feel inadequate? And they travel through space to feed off this?

Coming from a World of Goats, it would make some sense that they would be interested in finding a planet full of creatures who would serve them, no? Or at least a planet with creatures who would try to serve them, and would care when they fell short.

Posted by Dale Connelly | January 6, 2010 6:33 AM


"So Long and Thanks for All the Fodder"
Douglas Adams propounds that earth was commissioned by the dolphins to study human behavior, a study which was completed right before Earth was demolished to make way for the new intergalactic off-ramp.
Goats may be front runners for the Covert Abduction Research Laboratory from Outer Space.

Posted by Clyde in Mankato | January 6, 2010 6:47 AM


Dale - my Goats have different personalities, but i think i can safely say that they NEVER feel inadequate. and yes, i think you are correct that, living in their world of only different levels of adequacy (there is a definite social order and some goats are more adequate than others) they enjoy my groveling, baby talk, grooming, and agonizing over their feeding and comfort enormously. maybe this is a sociology research for them - how curiously we humans behave? so Dodger sets me up by ramming Alba a couple times and then they all sit back and laugh as i freak out and try to make things better.

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 6:49 AM


Excellent Clyde! Just excellent!

Posted by sherrilee | January 6, 2010 6:49 AM


Now that I think aobut it, and after having watched the Orange Bowl last night with its commercials I had to watch 6-8 times each: I think the Meeting that Never Ends is the alien invasion front. They clearly are studying just how low is our threshold for boredom and how willing we are to disconnect the messages in front of us from reality. For instance would the beer and pop companies hire any of the people who are portrayed in their commercials?
The meeting that never ends has been bombarding us with the message that parents, teachers, and adults in general are weak of mind and character compared to children. Last night we were asked to believe that a fifth grader playing video games in a bean bag chair can make an idiot of a man who runs a successful company.
It must also be the Meeting that Never Ends that decides what look half of the males and half females will have and get them to look that way no matter how awful they look. Yes there must be some alien force at work to get otherwise seemingly intelligent woman to walk on ice wearing high-heeled smooth bottom boots. To get otherwise attractive young women to circle their eyes in a death mask. To get young males to turn all clothing intended for practical purposes into a testosterone statement.
And since I live in a college town, I know some higher power is taking care of them when they drive, to keep them alive as objects of study.
And since I and my generation behaved similarly, they musy gently turn their experimental animals out to pasture, to bumble along as best they can on their own, after about age 27.
I know no other logical explanation. (Do I now have to apologize to TGITH for stealing his turf?

Posted by Old and Stupid Clyde in Mankato | January 6, 2010 7:18 AM


Maybe that explains my obsession with the idea of raising goats when we retire. The goats are working through Barb to make me think I need to do their bidding! I say we just give in.

Posted by Kate from Eden Prairie | January 6, 2010 7:19 AM


My condolences to Pamela on the loss of her sister Sharon. Thanks for the request this morning. My family recently went thru a similar loss of my sister, Jeanne after a year long ordeal with cancer. We just celebrated her life at her funeral on Monday. The familiar Maura O'Connel song was perfectly beautiful!

Kathy of Rogers

Posted by Kathy | January 6, 2010 7:26 AM


Greetings! Clyde, love your reference to "Hitch Hikers" -- clever stuff.

Not knowing goats except from what I've seen at petting zoos and Barb's comments, these are obviously the greedy goats looking for more grazing/eating land and material. Do we stop them or learn from them? This could easily be the human race overtaken by greedy people who then want more, more, more from another planet. But we won't let that happen. The Goats from Space will serve as a mirror to us, to goad us to change.

Peace and harmony will reign. We'll fix global warming, end hunger & poverty, free real health care for all and daily afternoon cookies and milk followed by a nap. The Goats from Space will usher in a new Utopia.

Posted by Joanne in Big Lake | January 6, 2010 7:31 AM


If alien goats invade (or, perhaps, when we find where they are), might I suggest an army of 4-8 year-olds to corner them? Goats seem drawn to small hands with kibble - we could draw them in with cute children bearing handfuls of goat crunchies...

Or maybe the goats will create Joanne's utopia. I'd like that.

Posted by Anna | January 6, 2010 7:38 AM


i don't know if they are more intelligent than we. just in from milking Dream and let the other two out to stretch their legs and play a bit. Dodger picked a fight with the milk stand (pawing in the sand and butting the stand with her head lowered just as she does with the other goats). was that just to mess with my mind?
Clyde, you are ON IT lately!
enjoying the comments
good day to All

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 7:42 AM


Of course, I was joking when I said Barb might be part of a plot to harbor alien goats. As a participant in the sustainable farming movement, in which I also participate, she is invloved in producing a high quality locally produced food , goat cheese.

The idea that we should eat more good locally produced food is growing, but is still an alien concept to many. May be this alien concept will invade the White House and the Obama family will add a small goat farm to thier garden on the White House lawn.

Posted by Jim | January 6, 2010 7:43 AM


Condolences to Pamela and to you, Kathy. May our silliness not irritate, but bring you a moment of laughter. May you never forget, but one day heal, as times permits.

Posted by Clyde In Kato | January 6, 2010 7:48 AM


Dale, how did you know I came home yesterday to find an alien goat in my barn...a very small, noisy one...the very pregnant Viva gone...Clyde, do you think the aliens who rule the goat planet abduct Viva (or take her home) to have her earthly babies so that they can do further research?

cynthia, perplexed in mahtowa

Posted by cyntthia in mahtowa | January 6, 2010 7:50 AM


Jim,

I suspect your public spirited suggestion that the Obamas raise goats on the White House Lawn is EXACTLY what they want. Access to the corridors of power. Security breech indeed!

Posted by Dale Connelly | January 6, 2010 8:10 AM


oh gosh, Cynthia - do you remember the original "Body Snatchers?" the pods placed near those who would be taken over - but only when they slept.... maybe Viva was a pod! and who is the little, noisy replacement? is she more adequate than Poplar?
if there is a movie made with goats, Dodger wants to be Joan Collins, Alba wants to be Cyndi Lauper, and Dream wants to be Greta Garbo (she justs vants to be alone) T wants to be Antonio Banderas and Nibby wants to be my dog.

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 8:13 AM


I am just (almost) speechless. I sometimes get brave enough to try and explain this blogging thing to friends. What could I POSSIBLY tell them yesterday or today that would relate to the "real "world" that most of them operate in?

Love the Obama Goat Farm concept, Jim - maybe Barb and Cynthia could be the consultants. Also, Joanne's Goat Utopia makes me happy.

Clyde - the is room for as much philosophizing as y'all have in you. I see new ideas in here every day...

My condolences also, Kathy and Pamela.

Posted by Barbara in Robbinsdale | January 6, 2010 8:17 AM


Dale, if alien goats are really looking for a way to make it through White House security, I hope they are trying might the utopia to the White House that Joanne suggested.

Posted by Jim | January 6, 2010 8:32 AM


Opps, I wanted to say "bring the utopia" not "might the utopia" in m last comment. I need help from Dr. Heartlander on ways to make my fingers work better when entering comments.

Posted by Jim | January 6, 2010 8:39 AM


From Monday's "Morning Edition:"
"There will be fewer Christmas trees waiting for a trip to the landfill this year in Washington state. Residents of Arlington decided to recycle dozens of their trees. And by doing so, they provided a meal for a few dozen local creatures. Used Christmas trees were donated to the New Moon Farm Goat Rescue and Sanctuary, and the goats took care of the rest by turning the trees into a post-holiday feast."

In other words, the aliens are now destroying one of our most beloved holiday institutions. And they have convinced us to do so willingly, and that doing so is in the best interest of the planet(the planet that, of course, they intend to exploit for their own nefarious purposes). Next year they'll tell us they should eat the trees before the holidays. And next the gift wrap. And the lights. And the cookies. And the fruit cake (well, maybe not the fruit cake). And we'll find ourselves bereft of holiday tradition and cheer, and ripe for the conquest.

Posted by Don in West St. Paul | January 6, 2010 8:41 AM


i know, Barbara - Dale has created an indescribable space for us - a peaceful place where we can play.

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 8:46 AM


you are a wise man indeed, Don - not the fruit cake. but do you have any extra Cheerios laying around??

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 8:49 AM


Clyde, no need to apologize for berating slanders to our collective intelligence. Rather, welcome aboard.

Goats from space. Hm. Well, I suppose it's as plausible as alien cats, dogs, plants, pods, chimpanzees, cows, and various other critters and farm animals. As my wife and I are slowly making our way through the original Twilight Zone series, I can't help but think that Rod Serling's twist on this would be something like that the goats are really here to keep track of the cows that are also aliens and infusing their DNA into us. The goats report back with the aid of their 'horns' or 'antenna' which boosts their intergalactic radio range.

Posted by That Guy in the Hat | January 6, 2010 8:49 AM


In honor of my wife, Happy Russian Christmas, who thinks you are all funny and kind of weird, when I show this to her each night.
Hello Cynthia; we have missed you.
Very good stuff people, funny, sparkling.
In Men in Black they show a wall with pictures of about 30 people who are aliens in disguise on earth. Dennis Rodman is on it. Can't remember who else they name. We could post our own wall of aliens among us.
Was it in Twilight Zone that the Aliens cam to earth and gave out a book they said was called "To Serve Mankind," but no one could read it. And it turned out it was a cookbook?
Maybe all the techie nerds are really aliens. Dale, don't turn your back on Mike . . . never know. He seems like an advanced form of intelligence to me.

Posted by Clyde in Mankato | January 6, 2010 9:03 AM


"...To Serve Man...it's a cookbook!" Sure seems like a lot of Richard Kiel's career has been based on him biting or chewing on people?

Posted by That Guy in the Hat | January 6, 2010 9:54 AM


Just had another thought after rereading Kate's comment - the idea that raising goats would be a form of retirement (see Barb in Blackhoof) does seem to be spreading, and must be part of their subterfuge. I too have had idyllic reveries about this. Think about this, people, and STOP before they completely take over all our minds!

Posted by Barbara in Robbinsdale | January 6, 2010 11:06 AM


it's a most pleasant retirement - kind of like the Stepford Wives only with goats :-)
any of you goatherd wannabees want to come up and spend some time with the goats (not in summer. now. when it's cold.) to see if it's your cup of milk?

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 11:11 AM


what a group. i missed the morning session and got to read about it a bit later. it doesn't miss a beat.
i'm taking side bets on how long it will be before goats end up on the white house lawn. i thing michelle will reach this as the only logical next step in the white house garden.
my eight year old has just discovered the Twighlight Zone (they ran a bunch in a row over new years ) and she can't get enough. she is a spirit i find very similar to this group. the best of the best.

Posted by tim | January 6, 2010 11:12 AM


i just took a survey and when i reached the end of the survey the websight "survey monkey.com" popped up explaining that their place on the planet is to help create free surveys. i just thought there could be some questions in a goat related survey that would be better coming from this group than from most others. maybe dr heartland could create a survey on one of his upcoming visits that would offer some interesting discussion points for future consideration. or we could offer a survey to see how people feel about participating in surveys.

Posted by tim | January 6, 2010 11:29 AM


OK, was just able to get back on line. I didn't see any other references, but hopefully you all noticed that Clyde's "Covert Abduction Research Laboratory from Outer Space" from his initial post spells out CARLOS!

Donna -- we always knew it was too good to be true. Now we know for sure... he was a planetary scout, checking out Earth for colonization!

Posted by sherrilee | January 6, 2010 11:30 AM


Barb -- actually I do have a "spend a day at the farm w/ the goats" fantasy (however not now during my really busy time at work). Of course, now I'm wondering if this fantasy was planted in my brain as part of the planetary take-over!

Posted by sherrilee | January 6, 2010 11:32 AM


I think interplanetary goats would want social success. My mother told me that the goats she had as a child were climbers. I think she meant they were social climbers, but I suppose she could have been remarking on their tendency to climb on top things on the farm, like the vehicles in the yard.

Posted by Renee | January 6, 2010 11:52 AM


Barb, If I could get out from under my workload on a school day off, we would sooooo be there, be careful what you offer.

Personally, I think the alien goats ATE all the money they had first distributed to research irrational exuberance in another species (bet Barb and Cynthia could fill us in on what that looks like in goats).

Surely alien goats are to blame for the recession-couldn't be people.

Finally, the truth about Carlos-does this make Donna an alien abductee? Fellow traveller?

Posted by catherine | January 6, 2010 12:06 PM


irrational exuberance? in goats? it looks like this: when i walk into the Gentlemens' Club in the evening to feed, visit with and put T and Nibs to bed, T leaps straight up into the air and does a twist/jump with hooves flailing. this is partly rational because he is very happy to see me. but this is irrational because the celing is quite low in the GC and he nearly whacks his big head as he dances.
as far as eating money goes, i think Cynthia will agree that goats do that in terms of hay and grain. but not as bad as horses or cows. in the old days, goats were called "the poor man's cow." they give more milk per pound body weight and are quite efficient at using the food they eat.

Posted by barb in Blackhoof | January 6, 2010 12:32 PM


Carlos is NOT an alien! It's just a coincidence that his name is an abbreviation for whatever that long title was that Clyde came up with and sure he's gone a lot but that's because he's a baker/sandwich maker and he's obligated to go to yeast buying shows. Every week. All over the country. And France... now you've got me wondering... Gasp! Maybe he IS a foreign plantation scout, searching the earth for colon cleansing. Thanks a lot you weirdos!

Posted by Donna | January 6, 2010 7:26 PM


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