- Become a Member
- Join Now
- Sustaining Members
- Member Benefits
- Match Your Contribution
- FAQ
- Existing Members
- Member Discounts
- Member Benefits
- Change of Address
- Tax Information
Customer Relations Experts
Posted at 5:15 AM on October 28, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(25 Comments)
A note arrived yesterday from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden, asking for advice on a seasonal small business start-up.
Hey Mr. C.,
Me and my buddy Dwight are starting an after school business picking up leaves and stuff for old people senior citizens. We even gave it a cool name. It'll be a huge success as long as the customers don't wreck it, but you know how fussy old coots elderly people get. So we decided to make them sign a coolness agreement before we start .
Dwight wrote it up. He wants to be a big bucks lawyer someday.
Could you look it over and give us free advice? After you sign it, me and Dwight will rake and blow stuff around your yard for 10 percent off whatever we decide we can charge, based on how rich looking your place is.
Your friend, Bubby Spamden.
Dear Customer,Thank you for doing business with Spamden Lawn And Yard Environmental Refreshening. SLAYER is your Fall and household chores partner! We'll do a good job if you create the conditions where a good job can be done. That's why we ask everyone to sign our ten point SLAYER Customer Code of Conduct.
1) I will pay promptly in cash and in full before the work starts so my SLAYER crew will have money for lunch and treats to keep their energy up.
2) I will not crab about left over messy-looking stuff that is too small to worry about, like a few stupid leaves left here or there. I will think positive thoughts about the leaves SLAYER DID take, not the ones that got missed.3) I will not sit in my house peeking out the window at people while they're doing their jobs, acting like I want to catch them at something wrong. Trust is basic to good relationships, and we want to have a good relationship with you (especially if you already paid in advance and you're OK with points 1 and 2).
4) I'm hiring you to clean the yard, not to host a dinner party, so the way you dress is none of my business.
5) Music makes for happy hearts, so I don't care what you listen to if it helps get the job done. I realize that a company called SLAYER will have to rock out pretty much constantly while on the job, in order to keep its reputation intact.
6) When it comes to word of mouth advertising and talking to my friends about SLAYER, I believe in the saying, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
7) If I hire you to wash my windows, I will not get all upset by how they look in direct sunlight. The winter sun is so harsh, nobody can make a window look really, really clean. Besides, the wind is dirty and it blows all the time.
8) SLAYER is a green company that handles natural debris. I will not expect SLAYER to clean up unnatural material. For the purposes of this agreement, the droppings of any pet, including little boutique sissy dogs, are considered super-unnatural.
9) I agree to let SLAYER do the work and get on with it. I will not ask a whole bunch of pointless small talk questions about school and stuff, or bore the workers with stories about my hip replacement.
10) SLAYER employees are permitted to use the bathroom inside my house while they are on the job. I won't get all wigged out about them tracking stuff in, and if they look even just a little hungry, I will provide fresh, hot, apple pie.
I told Bubby I thought people in my age group might hesitate to hire a company called SLAYER.
Any other advice for a young entrepreneur?
Comments (25)
at least Bubby and his partner are up front with their expectations. i'm sure we've all had experiences with hiring help ("What? you expect me to plug the freezer back IN again after i unplugged it?") so i think it would be refreshing to know ahead of time. will avoid disappointments. and i've seen worse names for companies..... :-)
hoping for another beautiful day in Blackhoof. do you think Bubby would help plant garlic?
good morning, All
Good morning, all!
Sorry Bubby. I will stik with my plan for letting the leaves blow into the neighbor's yard. SLAYER is on its own.
I do have a question for Bubby, Dale, Mike or anyone who is familiar with the Great Pumpkin. I watched the cartoon for the kajillionth time and still can't recognize some of the music. Schroeder plays the piano for Snoopy in his pilot's garb. I recognize It's a long Way to Tipperary and PAck Up Your Troubles. There are several sad songs that cause Snoopy to weep What are they?
Thanks in advance!
Sorry, Beth-Ann, I don't have the Great Pumpkin soundtrack here so I can't check on it today. Perhaps there's a way to hear the music online.
I should say, though, that Snoopy is a sap and will cry for just about anything, especially when he is wearing his pilot's garb.
Beth-Ann, found this soundtrack info - looks like some of the songs were composed for the cartoon but some are old favorites for Snoop.
Because I feel a kinship to Bubby and because I don't have a dog, I'd probably accept his terms, except the last one. Shoes have to be removed and when using the commode, Bubby and Dwight must pretend they're girls, if you get my "I'm not cleaning up after you" drift. If they're hungry for hot apple pie, there's a McDonalds up the road.
Have fun planting garlic, Barb. Don't leave the hose running.
Beth-Ann, re Great Pumpkin music - ever hear of google?
Greetings! Thanks for the funny letter from Bubby today, Dale. Like Barb says, it's nice that he lays it out all in advance so we don't have high expectations.
But then, I'm in agreement with Beth-Ann about letting the leaves fall where they may and be mulch. Yard work is one of the most useless endeavors I can think of. Leaves, dandelions, crab grass and slightly long grass are all good!
Anyway, probably the only customers SLAYER will attract are other teenagers ... lots of luck, Bubby!
Donna's right, of course. Google always has an answer - whether it's THE answer is a question we sometimes don't want to ask.
These may be the songs in the medley:
"It's a Long, Long Way to Tipperary"
Written by Jack Judge and Harry Williams
Arranged and Performed by Vince Guaraldi
"There's a Long, Long Trail"
Music by Zo Elliott
Arranged and Performed by Vince Guaraldi
"Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit Bag and Smile, Smile, Smile!"
Music by Felix Powell
Arranged and Performed by Vince Guaraldi
"Roses of Picardy"
Music by Haydn Wood
Arranged and Performed by Vince Guaraldi
Thanks to all of you for the research help.When the Sopwith Camel lands in my yard I will know which sentimental songs to play for the WWI Flying Ace. The lyrics to "Roses of Picardy"
and There's a Long, Long Trail"
certainly are sentimental.
Have a great day from a happy sustaining member.
Hmmm.... I'm not sure how to take that Joanne.
I don't think SLAYER included anything like leaving plastic bottles or fast food wrappers in the shrubbery - perhaps something to consider (and better they leave muddy footprints inside the house than do what I observed a roofer doing at a neighbor's house a few years back...).
Thanks for the morning giggle.
Donna -- which part ... the "I don't like yard work rant?" Alas, I can be a tad dramatic ... don't worry, we keep our yard within respectable city codes.
I sometimes find the social tendency for unnaturally perfect lawns a bit much. Yes, they look nice, but so do wildflowers and prairie grasses which don't require watering and trimming. But living in the city, I can't have a yard of just natural habitat. Just my opinion ...
I don't think Bubby would have any trouble working for me. I put up with a lot of sophomores, like him, as a sub teacher. However, I'm not a complete push over, I probably would refuse to sign his code of conduct.
My 80 plus nieghbor will not be using the SLAYER services. She still does all of her own work and does not leave stray leaves.
My nieghbor was going to send some leaves that came from my trees back to me, but I got those. I told her I might miss a few because I will have to rake again to get the rest of the leaves that still haven't fallen. She said that was okay.
How much garlic are you going to plant Barb?
Garlic has become one of my favorite things to grow. I put mine in last week because I wasn't sure that the weather would get any better and didn't want to miss getting it planted this fall.
Ask Bubby if he does any tree trimming -- we keep losing limbs of a huge, maybe hundred year old box elder... although after reading the above, we probably shouldn't let him near any kind of potentially dangerous machinery.
Pretty sunrise... Happy Wednesday everyone!
back in from milking - we have a visiting doe that adds some time (but also some mik) visiting - why? yes, i am pimping for Majority. can we say that on this blog??
Jim, i am planting 3 pounds of Georgia Crystal (sounds like a drug) huge, mellow-tasting cloves. i bought too late so couldn't get a variety. our local garlic seller had sold out of everything else.
looks like a great day
let's hope it's a good one for Majority also
Hm...I think Bubby needs to more closely identify with his target market. As already correctly pointed out, SLAYER may score coolness points with co-workers but probably not with the desired demographic. Perhaps something like Cleaning Of Debris and Grunge for Elderly Residents or CODGER.
Then, perhaps uniforms of some kind (hey, it worked for The Beatles). If a coolness factor is needed, perhaps hazardous waste suits. Nothing like a Tyvek 'bunny suit' as seen in several teen-oriented horror movies to make your teenaged peers think you're handling radioactive waste...which is an 11 on the coolness scale.
Oh, hey Dale, on Friday after 8:30, could you play my favorite creepy song for Halloween? Cindy Mangsen's The Griesly Bride.
The George Crystal gartic sounds good, Barb. I will have to consider planting it in the future. I like German Winter Hardy and I am trying a very spicy one, Georgia Fire, for the first time.
OK, THITH, I'll put "The Griesly Bride" in the playlist for the final half-hour on Friday.
Woman runs out into snowy night, turns into predator, turns on new husband. Cute.
Hey, c'mon...it's Halloween...no comments on the institution of marriage or anything...just a good werewolf story.
hey, bubby, dig this:
in the high desert, there is no need for snow shoveling, lawn care of any kind, weed-whacking or leaf raking! isn't THAT cool? so don't bother expanding your business to this part of the country.
happy wednesday!
k
Hi Jim in Big Lake,
The part I meant was "the only customers SLAYER would attract are other teenagers." I am very youthful -ask anyone- but teenager might be a bit of a stretch.
It doesn't matter to me how people maintain their yards.
Actually, if Bubby wants to expand his work to cleaning out basements and garages... A friend and I tried to start up a business like that one summer (out on their farm, and we'd run out of canning jars) with this ad in the local rag: "Tired of tripping over all those old jars in your basement? Call Barb and Jan's Canning Jar Removal Service..." Doesn't make nearly as good an acronym as SLAYER, tho' -- or CODGER, TGITH, made me laugh out loud.
Cindy - The evening guy won't know me from Adam, but I'll bet he'd leave a note on the desk. This is fun. Sometime I'll get there on a Saturday, will try to alert you here. :)
When I was in 4th grade (30+ years ago) my elderly widowed neighbor offered to pay me to rake the leaves in her yard.
She was the "candylady" on our dead-end street, so I didn't think to squabble over the amount. We used to come around and ring the doorbell at the side of her house for a chance to choose a piece of unwrapped sugar-coated jelly candy from the old tin she kept on her fridge.
I spent 2 or 3 days raking the leaves into piles, and even enlisted my mom's help to drag the heaviest piles on a tarp into the woods. When I was done, I got a $5 bill.
A few days after the job was done she called me over to point out that more leaves had fallen since I finished. This was my first (but unfortunately not my last) lesson about the importance of written contracts when doing business--even with people you know.
Years later when I was a young adult I stopped back to talk with her, and she sat me down and had me listen to a personal finance program on public radio.
Thanks for reminding me of Mrs. Abbott, her candy tin, and her radio-listening habits! Here's wishing you all a 4th-grader willing to rake your leaves (perpetually) for $5!
Flapper Jane -- you're absolutely right, we need to go younger for this job. My 12 year old nephew is visiting for Thanksgiving. If it's warm.... :) Thanks for a great story.
Related Programs
| October 2009 | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
Master Archive
Recent Entries
- Become a Member
- Leadership Circle
- Sustaining Members
- Member Discounts
- Become a Sponsor
- Tax Information
- Planned Giving
- Fundraising Credentials
- Vehicle Donation
- Donate Stock