This note was in my e-mail this morning.
Hi Mr. C.,
What do you think about this giraffe?
I went to the zoo yesterday and man, are they weird! This one was sticking its tongue out at me. I took the picture with my cell phone and texted everyone about it, posted the picture at my Facebook and Twittered "G-raff at mn zoo sez what up?" Then I blogged about it at Myspace. And that was just the first stop. By the time I got all the way around the Northern Trail I was exhausted on account all the work my thumbs were doing, combined with the heat and humidity.
This do-nothing summer is wearing me out.
I'm waiting for that stimulus jobs program to kick in, but so far nobody from the White House has called me with a solid offer.
Meanwhile, I noticed how old fashioned your Heartland people are when it comes to wasting time. That string of comments yesterday about summer memories sounded like the kind of thing people say while they tip their straw hats to each other on the village green.
"Care to sit barefoot on the steps at twilight, Eunice?"
"No, Heathcliffe. Let's run through the neighbor's sprinkler instead."
"Capital idea! Then we can ride our bikes to the lake!"
Geez. Today's kids can't do any of that. Running through somebody's sprinkler could get you shot for trespassing. And that barefoot-at-twilight idea is a quick way to get Lyme's disease. Riding a bike to the lake? As long as it's downhill, I guess. I wouldn't want to get to the lake all sweaty. What if there's a bunch of cool people there? You can't show up all drippy and disgusting or people will Twitter and blog about how gross you are, and within minutes it'll be worldwide, just like this giraffe.
Not that anybody's actually looking at any of this stuff.
Last week I decided I was going to become a big star on Twitter and amaze the world with my clever and hilarious 140 character-or-less messages, but then everybody in Iran got into the act and now I can't get anyone to read my Tweets unless I start them off with "God is Great" and go on to say I'm hurling rocks and the state police, which I'm not.
I'm not doing anything.
Me and my unemployed friends are very stressed out. Every day our parents and grandparents go off to work the fast food and movie theater jobs we thought we were going to have, and we're stuck Facebook blog-tweeting to nobody about giraffes.
I hate to say it, but I kind of admire the way your generation got to be so good at doing nothing when you were kids. But at least we have our electronic time-wasters to help us kill the hours. Look, I just used up 3 minutes sending this to you! Thanks for keeping me busy.
Your friend, B. Spamden.
I guess Bubby's "Summer Media Camp for Teens" idea from a few weeks ago didn't get any takers. And he has yet to become a You Tube sensation. Anybody need a teenager with strong, flexible thumbs? Somebody to manage your online presence, perhaps? Updating all your web identities?