Trial Balloon

Trial Balloon: June 9, 2009 Archive

Jobs out of Thin Air

Posted at 5:35 AM on June 9, 2009 by Dale Connelly (20 Comments)

Here's a reminder - today is the last day to enter the drawing for a pair of tickets to Iris DeMent's, concert at the Cedar Cultural Center this Friday.

Entries close at 1 p.m. Specific rules apply.

Yesterday, President Obama said he wants the pace of stimulus spending to speed up, with an emphasis on Summer Employment for Youth, where he has asked the Department of Labor to create 125, 000 new jobs ASAP.

Easier said than done.

I forwarded the note to perennial Sophomore Bubby Spamden, who, when last we heard from him, was a bit stymied in his search for work. Here's his response:

Hi Mr. C.,

That's good news, I guess, and a lot of jobs to get created in a short time. All I really need is one, though.

I hate to say it, but the Department of Labor looks kinda dull. I went to their website, and I'm not sure I would fit in there. One thing did look interesting, though. When I checked out the rules for youth employment, here's what it said:

Fourteen is the minimum age for most non-agricultural work. However, at any age, youth may perform in radio, television, movie, or theatrical productions.

Performing in television is just exactly what most youth want to do. Me, anyway. At the job fair last spring, I decided my career goal is to be a YouTube Sensation. But YouTube is already too crowded with desperate older people (like my parents and grandparents) who want money and attention, just like it is on all the job lines at the fast food restaurants and movie theaters.

Then I got an amazing idea.

You mentioned yesterday that analog TV gets turned off Friday when all the broadcasters go to digital transmission, and only way-behind-the-times confused people who have old style TV sets without a converter box will be watching the analog channels where all they'll see is just snow on their screens.

I know those people. They're my great-grandparents!

So let's leave analog TV turned on until Labor Day at least! Send the broadcasters on their way to digital-land, and let us take over the old-fashioned airwaves with Summer Media Camp for Youth in every city in America!

We can do game shows and news shows and even serious drama, 'cause nobody's better at drama than a bunch of teenagers! And there's no need to worry about bad words and "inappropriate" content, 'cause my great-grandparents have already heard everything that can be said and they've seen everything that can be done, so they won't be too upset. Besides, they've been turning their hearing aids down at my school plays and concerts and stuff anway, and they already love me, unconditionally. That's the best kind of audience to have!

Bubby says he would do a talk show in the evening, where he can "vent about stuff I don't like, based on some newsy items that I twist to make them more interesting and useful." He says he would call it "The No Spinach Zone".

Would Bubby's "Summer Media Camp for Youth" be a good way to create those insty-jobs? What sort of programming should they do? And would you watch?

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