The Last Place You Look
Posted at 4:53 AM on March 24, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(43 Comments)
Last night at my house we wasted more than an hour looking for one piece of paper. It had been RIGHT THERE on the kitchen counter the day before.
It was, in fact, the most important paper in the stack - the one we knew we COULD NOT AFFORD TO LOSE.
But it had vanished.
All possibilities were explored.
It wasn't mixed in with the mail.
It hadn't become tangled up with the coupons or merged into a magazine or (heaven forbid) bundled with the recycling.
I know, because we checked. Several times.
It simply could not have disappeared, but there it was, clearly gone.
I sent a quick e-mail to my living and loving adviser, B. Marty Barry, and he had an equally quick response - his "Five Strategies for Finding Lost Things".
- Be The Thing You Seek - in this case a piece of paper. Lie down on the counter where you last saw the paper. Feel the movement of the air and the human traffic around you. If people ask "what are you doing on the kitchen counter", don't answer. You are a piece of paper. Wait. Think about where you'd go. Look there.
- Duplicate the Loss - get another item just like the one you misplaced, and lose the new one. Do whatever you have to do. Drop it. Toss it in a bin or a stack. Try to get the dog interested. Once you've figured out how to lose another one, you'll have learned something useful!
- The Rock Star / Hotel Room Strategy - go to the last place you saw the lost item, and throw everything on the floor. Trash the place. Hold nothing back. Then, after you've "come down", let the remorse in and begin to pick up the debris of your shameful tantrum. At best, you'll find your object now that it has been 'redefined' as part of the mess. At the very least, you'll have started to develop an interesting reputation.
- Play Hard To Get - a romance classic, re-purposed. Declare to the universe that you no longer want the thing you lost. In fact, you despise it, and would not take it back even if it came crawling. Especially if it wasn't able to crawl before.
- Find a Scapegoat - obviously someone else took the missing thing for their own evil purposes. Didn't you see some A.I.G. bonus bimbos hanging around your kitchen? I think you did! Bolt the doors and fire off an angry e-mail to your congressman.
We tried B. Marty's strategies and none of them worked, but he's billing me for his time. I'll put his invoice on the kitchen counter and we'll see what happens.
What is your best procedure for finding a lost thing?
Any great discoveries as a result?
Any items still missing in action?
Comments (43)
Good morning, Dale.
I've always found what I'm looking for in the last place I look. It never fails. It doesn't matter where I begin looking, it's always in the last place. So my advice is to begin searching in the last place, that way you'll find it right away.
Good luck.
i'm a disorganized person so i can lose plenty of things on my own. but out in the goat barn i have help. those little lips like to feel and taste everything and if i haven't childproofed the shelves or if i just put something down absentmindedly (happens lots) then that something gets picked up, carried somewhere else and dropped (or chewed and even sometimes swallowed) and i'll never find it again. i just have to let it be or i'd be looking the rest of my life. needless to say i buy a lot of screwdrivers, fence clips, and gloves.
it's cold and grey again today, and i'm doing my Mom's taxes.
Dale, please, any chance of a throat singer to cheer us???
Thanks, Pat. Good advice, and always true.
Eventually we found the missing paper in that last place we looked.
It had been mistakenly filed with another group of papers in a folder that had been open on the same counter at the same time. The clue was a receipt from that wrong folder, still sitting on the counter near the scene of the crime.
So we had a happy ending, but not before having a puzzled, slightly annoyed beginning that led to a frantic, desperate middle.
Good Morning! The trip to North Carolina is over and now I have to find my enthusiasm for resuming day-today activities. I know it is around here somewhere...
I am pretty skilled at losing things - my Mom said I would lose my head if it were not attached. I am not so skilled at finding things, but there are people who are. Thankfully I am married to just such a 'finder', and have relied on him many, many times to allay my panic and to find the lost object. Maybe you need to bring in a 'finder' Dale.
By the way, I think I have lost my patience with the weather. Got any 'sunny day' music to help me find a smile? Thanks!
Good Morning RH,
Ah - good times! I'd like to have back all the hours spent searching for things I've lost or for someone else's lost things. Years ago, I used to laugh at that bumper sticker, "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." Now, not so much.
Very entertaining entry this morning Mr. Connelly!
Good morning, Dale and RHeartlanders -
1. Suspend disbelief. If it just CAN'T be there, it IS there.
2. For fans of the TV series LOST: it's not WHERE it is, it's WHEN it is.
I have about a dozen single socks on the dryer, waiting for their mates; several single earrings waiting for their mates; several pairs of scissors and favorite books missing; etc. If they ever show up, it will be an unexpected joy.
My husband most often loses his checkbook. I used to panic, but I gave that up, because he pretty closely follows B. Marty Barry's rules and finds it every time!
Wish I could cheer everyone up by saying we need the rain... but, since we don't, I also vote for cheery music. How about "In the Good Ole' Summertime?" Have a happy day, despite the weather!
Lost patience
Lost innocence
Lost track of time
Lost sense of reality
Lost my motivation (get up and go, got up and went)
Lost those people we thought we knew so well.
But promise of a new day greets us each morning...
Pushing us out of bed and into the kitchen towards the oatmeal, the strong coffee, the computer screen where we click on Radio Heartland and find friends and hope on a March morning.
Thanks all....
thanks so much Dale and Mike! lovely thought - going where the mountain goats roam - oh boy! and pipes to follow! it's a good day.
i'm out to go where the Alpine (resort) goats roam.......
thanks to all for the cheer and good humor. and B. Marty, as always, because (to steal an un-named senator's past favorite saying) he is "good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it - people like him!"
I still remember sitting in the underground level of the Fed in my first job after college, oh so many years ago, and listening to the secretary explain over the phone to her husband where to find some household item. Since that time I have understood that it is the mom's/wife's role to know where everything in the house is. And I think I have fulfilled my duty pretty well in that department over the years.
Right now, having recently moved back to Sweden, I am pondering the loss of a sense of belonging. Do I belong in MN where I have a house and my daughters or do I belong in Sweden, where I have my husband, an apartment and no job?
Back in the '80s when we lived in Sweden the first time there was no such thing as the technology which allows me to hear Dale's weather report on the other side of the ocean. Maybe it is a mixed blessing, keeping me tied to home and not immersing myself totally in my current surroundings.
Here we are enjoying a rare sunny day!
But we are nowhere near 55 degrees, so enjoy your warmth!
Good Morning Heartlanders!
I am not very organized either (despite years of being a secretary) -- so finding a long lost something is always a delight.
I have often pondered what to do with all my single socks, solitary earrings, unmatched old shoes, etc. Surely there's a parallel universe where all these items have migrated -- for what dark purpose, I'm not sure.
Our socks are sacrifices to the Laundry Gods, that I know. But all the other lost items, I just don't know. I'm sure there's a song connected to this, but I don't know which one ....
Have a great day everyone!
Thanks for the comment, Barb from Sweden.
You make an interesting point about it being the mom & wife's job to keep track of EVERYTHING in the house. Would others confirm or challenge that idea? And if it IS true in the USA, is it also the case in Sweden?
Never having actually lived in a Swedish household or discussed the topic with Swedish friends, I can't even make a generalization about whether or not it applies in Sweden. And obviously it is not a universal phenomenon in the US as Teri relies on her husband to help her out, but I do remember that my mom always knew where things were when I asked her, as a child.
When I lose something and absolutely cannot find it, I just think, "Oh well, someone probably needed it more than I did." It helps me, at any rate.
Good Morning...
Things lost for years and still looking for:
Lost friends
Lost loves
Lost opportunities
Most recently...I need that wife/mother to help me find the lost baby book, pocketknives, cell phone battery charger, Geoff Muldaur, Gales of November, Strauss polka cds...oh, I could on, but..
Isn't there a tune for "too much stuff"?
Thank you for my favorite throat singer song, I love that cantering beat...
One more thought...the treasure I lost in 1966 that I still am looking for was a book I left in a phone booth in downtown Mpls on my way to Europe...The Kasidah by Sir Richard Burton, illustrated by Willy Pogany...signed by Pogany to his son John, given to me by the son John who was my painting teacher in Port Angeles Washington.
I have found replacements, but not the original. My hope is it didn't get thrown away, but it was gone when I went back, not long after realizing I had forgotten it. sigh.
I once heard a theory that the way to finding lost things is to "meditate" on them and the energy will lead you right to the item you lost. Well, maybe. Never worked for me.
Happy Tuesday all!
Thanks Dale, for the delightful music. The weather may be dreary outside, but in my Radio Heart it is warm and sunny.
Planning to pick up tickets to "The Power of Two" show. Hope there are some left. Now where did I put the phone number to the Fitzgerald Theater? Hmm...
It seems to be fairly common to rely on wife/mother to be the "finder of things" in many households. I always asked my Mom when I was a child. My children and husband ask me where things are -- even when it's something I would never have any reason to go near it and it's not in my realm of existence (general teenage boy stuff, ya know).
But I am asked anyway. My husband never puts everyday things in the same or logical place. Everytime he leaves for work, we organize search parties to find wallet, tie, cell phone, car keys, belt, etc. He's just untrainable. So I usually try to round them up before he has to leave, just to avoid the hassle. Sigh ... so there it is.
Key to finding a lost item for me is to not get sidetracked in tasks I find need doing, such as cleaning out the closet I'm searching, etc.
Have a great day, all!
Good Morning!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my job the most. If I can get past security, I'll go lie on my old desk and see if that helps. I'm not particularly organized but my brain seems to take snapshots of the world as I pass through it and I can often browse those pictures and find things. When I was young my dad figured out this ability and would often come and ask me if I had seen [item] and it was pretty common for me to be able to recall where I had last seen it. Of course with age that ability is fading. Should I be concerned that those snapshots are now often in sepia tones?
back from the barn. always cheers me.
re lost things: my Mom would just say "if it were any closer it would bite you" or "it's right at the end of your nose"
but while i'm on sayings there are three that bother me:
1. my husband always says, of the kicker trying to make a field goal, "hero or goat?" anything that we could say that would not implicate the goat? i usually say "goat or human?" meaning the human missed the kick. a goat would only miss if she wanted to :-)
2. "kill two birds with one stone" has ALWAYS bothered me! anything less violent?
3. then my Mom would say she was going to "trade (me) for a yellow dog and then shoot the dog" - i'm sure parents have less violent ways of dealing with their kids' shortfalls now, right??? although that always got my attention......
Well, I think B. Marty should have put a positive spin on loosing things by indicating that brilliant, productive, fun loving people usually don't have enough time to put every thing away where it can be found.
Cheers to Jim! My mother always bemoaned the untidiness of our house by saying only dysfunctional, crazy people had immaculate homes (no offense to those that do).
i now claim that i am a "visual organizer", which means i don't file things, i leave everything out so i can see it...anything put away is out of sight, out of mind---so you see, dale, the problem was filing stuff in the first place!
re b marty barry----a strategy i often use now is asking the fidgety 8 yr old boy in my house, "what did you DO with my X?!?!" sometimes that works; he tends to pick things up and walk around with them and then put them down, for no apparent reason. :-)
oh, yes, re the wife/mom being responsible for knowing where everything is----i do tend to know where most things are because of that same visual "snapshot" thing---and i'm usuall happy to help.
but when i suspect the asking stems from laziness rather than need, i'm apt to quote a former colleague: look with your eyes, not with your mouth! (thanks, julianne)
Thanks for the comments!
Jim, your argument is like the time-honored bald guy's rationalization - "grass doesn't grow on a busy street".
And Mark, it sounds like you have (had) a photographic memory. Do we all reach an age where we begin to wonder if someone has been Photoshopping our images?
Off to feed animals now...hoping I "lost" the skunk that was in the chicken coop when I went to close it up last night...
Dale,
Another possibility lies in quantum physics and the unpredictable opening of wormholes in space and time. At this moment, I suspect your tax document lies in a stack of Vogon poetry many light-years away. [/end Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy pop culture reference]
For Barb in Blackhoof - I've always hated the saying "beating a dead horse", as it seems to imply that if the horse were alive, beating it would be a useful activity.
Also, "that dog won't hunt" just strikes me as rather civilized of the dog.
Wasn't reading Vogon poetry considered a form of torture? Loved the series and movie -- especially the opening (or closing?) song of movie sung by the ascending dolphins leaving earth: "So long, so long, so long -- and thanks for all the fish."
I think we have explored all possible explanations of why/where/how things get lost: 1. Parallel universe, 2. "Lost" in time or "Lost in Space," 3. Wormholes, 4. Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle (am I a wave or a particle?) and Quantum Physics, 5. Sacrifices to the Gods, 6. Blame goats (sorry Barb/Cynthia!), 7. Blame kids, 8. Blame spouses ... or best of all, 9. It's because we're brilliant, productive and fun-loving people who can't be bothered with such trivialities as putting things in their proper place!
Let's just have fun despite the gray weather!
When I was little my father was always losing fingernail clippers. Seemed like every few days he was bellowing about where all the fingernail clippers went. We never did solve that mystery, but it did make for a good Father's Day one year. I bought one of those cardboard pencil boxes that we all used to have for school, decorated it up and filled it with 30 brand new nail clippers (little help from my mother on the cost). He laughed and laughed and we didn't hear anything more about nail clippers for about a year!
Thanks Barb (Blackhoof Barb) for asking for throat singing. I had the radio on this morning, but couldn't get to the pc. When the song came on I said to my daughter "Barb must have asked for this one." When Dale mentioned your name after the song, my daughter said "How did you know that?" Aaah, the sweet strains of community!
sherrilee - oh no! i'm predictable! thanks for the laugh. been fun this morning - thanks to everyone.
gotta get to those taxes now.... icky
WARNING! Long post! I seem to have a lot to say on this subject!
I grew up Lutheran, but my father told me that St. Anthony was the Saint of Lost and Found. He taught this rhyme to me:
St. Anthony, St. Anthony
Look all around
Something is lost
And must be found
I say it out loud, and it often works, but not always. Many years ago, when it didn't, I tried asking for help from my grandmothers who had both passed on (mothers and wives, both, of course, before they were grandmothers). I was selling my wrecked car for junk and needed the title and I couldn't for the life of me find it. I looked in files and piles and turned my apartment up side down. In desparation, after St. Anthony let me down, I said "Grandma G., Grandma J., Please help me find the title of my car." Moments later, I walked by a pile of "important papers" that I had already looked through, and the breeze from my walking by made a document float to the floor. This is absolutely true; it was the title to my poor little smashed up Chevy Citation. Since then, I often ask for their help, but I have noticed that they only help me with "important things." If I can't find a piece of clothing for instance, I try to ask for their help and I just hear their voices scolding me for keeping my closets and my drawers so untidy and not being a good helper to my mother.
By the way, not to cause any controversy, but what if a household has 2 mothers or 2 fathers? Who is the all powerful finder then?
Having had an adolescent boy and girl in my home (delightful stepchildren), I suspect that mothers seem all powerful at finding things because adolescents truly do not see things in front of their noses. They can't find their baseball glove (for instance) and truly they have looked and looked and they just don't see it. A parent (of the male OR female persuasion) doesn't have to do much to seem to have supernatural finding powers because the baseball glove is often on the floor right in front of the adolescent...next to their cleats, which they would have asked you to find for them next.
Happy Rainy Day, Dale and all!
Great story, Darcy.
Maybe your grandmothers intervened because they were keenly interested in getting that wrecked Chevy out of your life and putting you into something with modern safety features.
And it does seem like there is one person in every family who becomes the "go to" source for all misplaced things. Perhaps it is a matter of interest. She / He who cares gets all the questions. Plus, from a teenager's point of view, keeping Mom and/or Dad on a constant search for lost things burns up parental energy that might otherwise be used to interfere elsewhere.
Ahhhh, throat singing! Thanks for the request Barb and of course Dale for playing it. I missed it this morning but heard the comment about it afterward.
Now it's Johnny Cope, one of my favorite tunes. I first heard this live by the Tannahill Weavers at the Winnipeg Folk Festival where they started their set with it. The crowd had been lounging around waiting for them to start and the instant they started every single person lept to their feet as though pulled from above by a single hand. An amazing moment!
Dale - my photographic memory is along the instamatic lines and you could well be right about them being Photoshopped. Perhaps I'll look for the inner-cranial version to see if I can do some restoration.
Thanks for the Patty Griffin song - that and the cheery downtown Target employees were like a million megawatt smile shining down on my morning.
My approach to not losing things is largely preventive: buy only only black socks and plain black fleece gloves, no stud earrings (four pieces to lose instead of two!) etc.
In grade school I used to dream about inventing a system that would automatically tag anything that entered the house with a unique ID, linked to a central computer with search and find capabilities. (In my mind the interface was green and black, like the computers in the 80s.)
But I'm no engineer, so that system is only in my head. If any Heartlanders want to have a go at it, I'd be only too glad to help beta test it!
-- sorry if this comment appears twice, am using a borrowed computer --
Thanks for the Patty Griffin song - that and the cheery downtown Target employees were like a million megawatt smile shining down on my morning.
My approach to not losing things is largely preventive: buy only only black socks and plain black fleece gloves, no stud earrings (four pieces to lose instead of two!) etc.
In grade school I used to dream about inventing a system that would automatically tag anything that entered the house with a unique ID, linked to a central computer with search and find capabilities. (In my mind the interface was green and black, like the computers in the 80s.)
But I'm no engineer, so that system is only in my head. If any Heartlanders want to have a go at it, I'd be only too glad to help beta test it!
Speaking of lost things...Dale and Mike, I'm wondering if you found the "Cohen på Norsk" (Leonard Cohen songs in Norwegian) cd I sent you a few weeks ago? Perchance?
My favorite quote on the "Woman of the house will know where to find it" is by Rosanne Barr, who said: "The uterus is not a tracking device." But is was my mom, and usually is me, who knows where it is... I think it's something about loving detail.
That was a fun image, Mark, of getting past security at your old job and lying on your (former) desk. Let us know how that works out!
Hi Dale, I'm glad the lost was found ultimately.
Joanne, glad you appreciated the Vogon poetry reference. Torture? Well I suppose that's in the eye (or ears in this case) of the beholder. Replace 'Vogon Poetry' with 'Gangsta Rap' for instance.
WHY can't I call my camera, my left shoe, the remote, that choir-music,quick,for-church, and any number of other Losts,, like I can my cell phone and have it sing'Ring to announce its location?
A typo in a previous comment is inspriational:
re: "loosing" things -- Maybe it's as in the old idiom, paraphrased, 'If you love something enough, let it go free; it will come back to you..." [So should I stop Really Loving the things I don't want to have just float awy, loosed, by me?]
One more bit: as a friend Kira was dying at home after years of cancer-battle, her 3 teen-daughters would still flock to her bed in the livingroom, "Mom, Where's __ or ___?" Her chronic advice (likely trying to prepare her girls for the inevitable years without her Find aid) was "It can't walk, and it didn't take the bus." Indeed, they learned to find things, all survived Mom's 'graduation" and each are married Finders now.
But in my own home, it is more oft my husband who is the Finder. 'I once was lost but now I'm found' -- MAPP
Dale I suspect you are right about my grandmothers wanting me to move on to a safe and reliable vehicle! They don't particularly care if I can't find my favorite shirt, though, which might keep me stylish, but not any safer than any other shirt!!
Dale,
My cousin in the Twin Cities sent your column to me with a the flattering note saying that if he didn't know better he would have thought I had written it.
I did. But I lost it. I see you found it. That will be $100, please. Don't send the money to me. In a day or two I wouldn't be able to find it anyway. Instead, send it to a worthy charity of your choosing.
Wait. I just remembered. I didn't write your column after all. The thing I wrote was called "Catcher in the Rye." Do you happen to know where J.D. Salinger is these days?
Regards,
- Become a Member
- Member Connect Accounts
- Leadership Circle
- Sustaining Members
- Member Discounts
- Become a Sponsor
- Tax Information
- Planned Giving
- Vehicle Donation
- Donate Stock