I'll name your baby at a discount rate

I'm not saying that I want a baby right now, I'm just saying I'd really like to name one.

Especially when you consider all the fun tools there are nowadays to help you pick a moniker for your little tyke.

I'd start with the basics. I'd read up on this How Stuff Works site to make sure I don't commit one of fundamental mistakes of baby naming - like giving my child initials that spell out a cuss word or naming them anything that rhymes with or sounds like a body part we associate with bathrooms.

Next, I'd read up on current baby naming trends. These days, boy names that end in an "en" sound are hot. Like Jayden, Aidan or Snowedin . . . For girls, a name ending in an "ah" sound is in. So, Mia, Sarah, Kayla or Kiera. And one of the fastest growing names for little ladies is Nevaeh (nah-VAY-uh), it's "heaven" spelled backwards.

Then, I'd look for historical precedence. I'd make sure there were no terrible dictators or plagues that bare the same name as my little child. I would find out what it translates to in other languages and then I would see how popular it's been over the last hundred years or so. (Definitely check this link out. It allows you to see a graphic representation of a name's popularity over time . . . go ahead, see how many people in 1890 shared your name).

Lastly, when I decide that I want a kid with a truly unique name, I'll just use this baby name generator to randomly assemble a perfect handle (look to the top left of the page for the new name). According to this formula, my baby will be named . . . Anut. Wait a minute, that sounds like "a nut"! I can't have my kid going around being called a nut. Sigh. Okay, from the top again.

My ex-wife and I spent huge amounts of energy deciding on baby names. We wanted a relatively unisex name for a girl. I wanted it to be phonetic because I am a bad speller. A cool meaning would be good. We used baby name books and the Social Security Website to see baby naming trends.

We chose Keegan which means "Little Fiery One" in Gallic. It is becoming more popular but not in the top 200 names. We did not want her to have three other kids in her class with the same name.

In one of the books there was a name which meant pretty prostitute. I can't remember what that name was but I am guessing it is not too popular.

I was going to name my kid Zebin Ephrem Uriah Struck***so his initials would spell Zeus...needless to say, as cool as the name was, I was talked into a Gaelic compromise that ended up fitting him much better (Carlin). Maybe I'll change my name - what great initials, and I could sign legal papers as the father of all gods.

I changed my mind and am feeling Norse at the moment...now, what can I come up with for Freyja? Wait...my parents unwittingly named me Hel so I turned into them.