Posted at 5:06 PM on October 24, 2007
by Bob Collins
Colleague Charlie Knutson sends this missive to the Bums:
The October Classic is upon us. To be honest, I can't wait for it to be over.
It's not because my team didn't make the playoffs or my boss' team lost in game 7 of the ALCS (which may make him more dangerous than usual) or any other remotely baseball-related reason. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty excited for this series. Reminds me of the Diamondbacks-Yankees series for some reason and that was a barn-burnin' hootenanny.
Maybe it has already been said. Maybe I'm way behind the curve on this one, but it takes a while for my pot to boil-over. Nevertheless fellow bums, it is worth saying again...and again. Perhaps this is the evil that will unite us all, whether we are Twins, Cubs, Rockies, or Rangers.
I digress. It is for purely selfish reasons that I welcome the off-season. I have four words for you: "There's only one October."
Shoot me in the head with a potatoe gun Mr. Quayle. Dick can follow with some birdshot to the face, if he wants.
Bums, I'll reveal a little something about myself...Dane Cook makes me want to break things. Every time I see his face mixed up with baseball highlights, I start looking for something to smash. He is a TALENTLESS HACK that deserves to be blogging like the rest of us talentless hacks. He does not need to be telling me why October and baseball go together like Old Style and goat curses. I have talentless friends and uncles that can do that and make a lot more sense. Plus, they don't look like the 35-year-old guy that tried to get my 17-year-old cousin pregnant.
Anyone waxing philosophic about baseball to mass audiences (especially baseball audiences) ought to be heard and not seen. Ideally, they should sit exclusively on beer coolers, have a seasoned gut and moustache, wear Reggie Jackson glasses, and have at least one baseball card in a frame at their work desk.
Bah...I think I've exceeded the blog word limit. Here's the take away: Anything Dane Cook does sucks. MLB commercials contain Dane Cook. Therefore, MLB commercials suck. I can't wait to never see one again.
Signing off from atop my beer cooler, hopefully being heard and only seen at the ballpark.
YES! Dane Cook makes me want to break things too! But it's so dangerous to say so in mixed company because you just never know who might be in earshot that has had a lobotomy/owns all of his cds.
WHAT DOES DANE COOK HAVE TO DO WITH BASEBALL?!
I cannot figure it out.