Posted at 1:32 AM on July 14, 2005
by Josh Lee
The Twins will return to action tonight after what seemed like an eternity, but was in fact only four days. All eyes will of course be on the team's new acquisition, Bret "Oh Boy" Boone. The big question with Boone is not whether he will regain his old hitting form, or whether he'll have any range at second base. It's not that these aren't good questions to ask, it's just that expecting an answer is expecting to be disappointed. Because Bret Boone is doomed.
Do you think the poor guy has any idea of what he's walking into? Stepping into the Twins infield is like paddling a canoe into the Bermuda Triangle: a lot of hard work, especially when there's a giant curse or hex or monster or whatever hanging over it. It was good of Terry Ryan to make this trade, if only so that when people show up at the Metrodome and look down onto the field, they don't wonder if they've accidentally stumbled into a Rochester Red Wings game. But it's not really going to make a difference in the division race, or even the wild card race, because it's only a matter of time before Boone takes his turn on the 15-day DL, leaving Ryan to once again check his list to see if there's anyone left in Beloit or Ft. Myers who can pretend to be an everyday second baseman.
It would be nice to see Bret Boone ride into town and spur the Twins on to a hot streak in a Stewart-like, statistically unverifiable way, but if we're honest with ourselves -- and we're honest people, right? -- the only reasonable way to respond to the dawn of the Bret Boone era in Minnesota is to start counting the days until he succumbs to whatever jinx has decimated the team's infield. I'm so sorry, Mr. Boone; someone should have warned you.