Posted at 10:39 PM on June 13, 2005
by David Zingler
Since Barry Bonds isn’t going to be taking aim at the baggie this week, we can only wonder what his first visit to the Metrodome might have been like.
Here are the top 10 things Barry Bonds might have done in the Twin Cities this week.....
10. Get his picture taken next to the Mary Tyler Moore statue on Nicollet Mall.
8. Hold up a “Circle me Bert” sign between innings.
7. Repeatedly referred to this foreign land as “the city of Minnesota”.
6. Mistake Brent Abernathy for a batboy.
4. Tell Justin Morneau that he doesn’t sign autographs for Canadians.
3. Mock Juan Rincon for actually getting caught.
2. Stay up all night playing video games at Lew Ford’s house.
1. Discuss the pro and cons of the Whizzinator over lunch with Onterrio Smith.
10) take kirby puckett bus tour of shame. "to the left is the home of his long-time mistress." "we're approaching the restaurant where he "allegedly" assaulted a woman." "next stop is kirby's eye doctor."
9) be inducted in the new metrodome "ring of shame" with kirby, rincon, canseco, giambi and mcgwire.
8) wait two hours to be seated at hard rock cafe; complain to management when put at the johnny rzeznik table.
7) talk with oliva and get some small ball hitting advice. 'cause the long ball just doesn't do it for you anymore.
6) successfully petition state legislature for new football and baseball stadiums.
5) beg for change at corner of washington and broadway with sign that says "mlb vet. will slug for food."
4) try and snatch a penny from carl pohlad's lobster claw. then tell him, "you can't take it with you!"
3) get picture taken under the crew banner in deep center. yes, the one where he's stealing all the bats. classic!
2) lunch at applebee's while reading pioneer press sports section; reevaluate life.
1) fly in russell crowe for a game and have a "look at these guns" contest!