Commentary

How to start a snow blower

by Curtis Gilbert, Minnesota Public Radio

Starting a snow blower after the first big winter storm can be frustrating. Luckily, I've compiled these simple, step-by-step instructions based on my own experience.

1. Examine the numerous mysterious switches and knobs dotting the engine.

2. Turn as many of them as you can to what appears to be the "on" position.

3. Pull the starter cord. Grow dismayed when nothing happens.

4. Fiddle with the knobs. Try to remember what a "choke" is for, and pull the cord again.

5. Listen to the ensuing silence.

6. The smell of gas in the air indicates the engine has now flooded. Recall that this is a problem.

7. Think back to the salesman who sold you the snow blower, the one who cautioned you to start the engine every month, even during the summer.

8. Feel guilt and regret over how blithely you ignored his advice. Wonder what he'll say when you bring the broken thing back to him for repairs.

9. Consider calling your father, but instead consult the Internet.

10. Find a YouTube video of a man starting the very same make and model of snow blower.

11. Marvel over the fact that more than 8,000 people have watched the video even though it contains absolutely no useful information.

12. As the frustration mounts, grab a shovel, and actually begin clearing the driveway by hand.

13. Rationalize that this is actually a good thing, because you'll get more exercise.

14. Having been reminded how much you dislike shoveling, go find the manual for the snow blower.

15. Follow the instructions.

16. Notice how it starts on the very first try.