Commentary
When 'America's Got Talent' decides that you don't
by Tom ReedI hate reality TV, so when "America's Got Talent" producers asked me to audition for the show -- you know, for a chance to WIN A MILLION DOLLARS -- I was skeptical.
I knew my chances of winning were very low. I knew that a million dollars after taxes is probably less than I owe in college loans. And I knew that the show preys upon the hopes of marginally talented, socially awkward people. The first few rounds should really be called, "America's got total freaks who think they're awesome. Watch while we crush their dreams."
After some soul searching ("Am I a freak? Socially awkward?") I had no definitive answers, but I figured they wouldn't have called me if they didn't think I had a shot. I was wrong.
I'm still not sure if I was a fall guy or if they actually thought I had a chance. I do know that a lot of people who advanced with me to the Celebrity Judges Round were there just so the judges could make fun of them. Some, like the kid who could burp for a long time, knew it. Others, like the "singer" who'd driven all the way from Chicago, did not.
Despite my cynicism, I foolishly let myself start to believe that maybe, just maybe, I had a legitimate chance. I play a character called Lounge-asaurus Rex. He's an over-the-top lounge lizard who croons improvised songs based on audience suggestions. As I waited backstage, I heard that the parrot that auditioned before me had passed and was moving on to the show's Las Vegas rounds.
A parrot? I was a shoo-in.
When I finally made it onstage, it felt like the moment in the movie "Gladiator" when the prisoners are shoved onto the Coliseum floor and the light is blindingly bright and suddenly, it's just carnage from all directions. The boos started before I'd finished taking my first step on stage. Two thousand people were angrily screaming and waving and chanting, and I hadn't even opened my mouth.
As the booing continued, the judges, Howie Mandel and Sharon Osbourne (Piers Morgan's flight was delayed that day) asked a couple of questions before I launched into a song. I don't know if the song was any good because I couldn't hear it over the roar of boos — even though my ears are pretty close to my mouth and I was using a microphone.
Eventually, the judges hit their "X" buttons: "BWAHHH, BWAAHH!" I quit singing and finally did something smart. I left.
Usually the judges ask sarcastic questions and belittle you before letting you go, but I just thanked the audience, waved goodbye and left. And I think that's what kept me from getting on TV. Because I left, they didn't get to see the moment where I thought to myself, "Wow, maybe I'm not good." I wish I could say that I'd transcended the moment and that I left to save face, but it was really just that my legs started walking offstage. And who am I to argue with my legs?
Afterward, I talked to my very traumatized girlfriend, who was in the audience (please never mention "America's Got Talent" to her). She explained that the audience had been baited for hours with free t-shirts, camera time and prizes (including free trips to Las Vegas) for the loudest, meanest people.
I've tried to keep it all in context. Sure, THOSE 2,000 people booed me, but there were free t-shirts on the line! I remind myself of the performances that people do like, the auditions that do go well.
But a little part of me keeps wondering if maybe I'm deluded and untalented, and if I should just buy a parrot.
--
Tom Reed is a Minneapolis actor and comedian who can be seen regularly at the Brave New Workshop, ComedySportz and hosting Sample Night Live as crooning sensation Lounge-asaurus Rex. By day he is a research analyst at Minnesota Public Radio.
Comments (10)
I don't care what Howie and Sharon say, I know talent, and Tom Reed is loaded with it.
I'm so impressed Tom put himself out there, but overall can't think anything except what a sad state of affairs we've turned to in terms of entertainment. The joy of seeing others fail (in this case, perceived failure) at their dreams…and the bigger the crash, the better. That's how low our self-esteem has dropped. Really leaves an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
For what it’s worth, I have seen Tom perform many times and he’s hugely talented and a joy (and a lot of laughs) to watch, free t-shirt or not.
Awful show.
tester
Not that I can comment on Mr. Reed's comedy as I've never seen it, but nothing says "sore loser" more than an op ed piece railing against the show that you just lost in. Personally I never watch reality tv because I really don't want tv period. But one night while cooking I turned it on and on was "America's Got Talent". I think this is a great show and completely disagree with Mr. Reed that it "preys upon the socially akward"; marginally talented is another guess, but if you can call the Miami All Star dancers "socially awkward" or "marginally talented" then the world has no talent and is full of only socially awkward people. Granted, there are some definite duds in there (what is with all the glow in the dark entertainment, anyway?), but by far this is a talented group of people and an exciting show to watch, as you can see their talents grow each episode they come back. If only Mr. Reed could put himself in the same category of talented, adept people, I think he'd enjoy the show as well.
The world of reality tv can't handle loungeasaurus Rex. Too real. America isn't ready.
To Amy Garcia: I want to respectfully let you know that if you haven't seen Tom perform, then you have no idea how talented he is, or what a truly lovely, sane, diplomatic person he is offstage. Tom has had top-selling MN Fringe Festival shows (one-man satires on "Harry Potter", "Twilight" and Disney films) for the past several years, performs in local improv shows, was a lead in Mixed Blood's production of "Avenue Q", and does all kinds of other fun and hilarious things, including writing a blog with his girlfriend. All of this activity in the hands of someone else could result in cockiness and ego -- many Minneapolis actors are obnoxiously self-centered based on far fewer accomplishments -- but Tom is incredibly down to earth and personable. His take on "America's Got Talent" is completely valid - he's writing about his real experience, which is one that I'm not surprised at in the least, and if you look at this essay, there's nothing skewed or vitriolic about it. He's not insulting the judges, or other performers, or the audience. He's merely reporting. Please don't misattribute snarkiness to Tom when you don't even know him. Unless you're his ex-girlfriend or something, and this venom is coming from a place of heartbreak and rejection, but I kind of doubt that's the case.
I would like to second "Theatre Person's" thoughts. Mr. Reed is an incredibly talented man. I have had the great pleasure of working with him and seeing his talent first hand. He's just as incredible off stage as he is on. Please do not speak of a persons talent when you haven't experienced it.
As an actor myself, I know it's all subjective. 90% of auditions you're rejected for absolutly any reason. So being skeptic of the entire process, was absolutly correct.
Reality TV is cheap to produce, and produces what the masses demand. Quite often, that demand is seeing people fail. Hard.
Take "American Idol", for example. There are thousands of talented people that were rejected well before it's filmed. No one talks about the nice person from MN who was pleasant to the judges and accepted the criticisum gracefully when he or she was rejected, they talk about the train wreck. The person that was wildly off key and goes balistic when they are told "NO!" That's what sells. The producers of these shows know that and seek out those personalities to keep their ratings up. That's all they care about. The producers need to meet thier bottom lines. Plain and simple.
It's unfortunate that actual talent gets rejected like that. Not just Mr. Reed but other highly talented folks as well. It's all absolutly subjective.
I do think That "America's Got Talent" does in fact find truely talented people, but it's also
Reality TV and is... well... a lot of bull.
I think Amy G. is illustrating the difference between the "audition" episodes and the "performance" episodes. If you only start watching the show after they start the "performance" episodes, you only see the talented acts, and would have no frame of reference for what Tom and other commenters have referenced. Me, I really only watch the "audition" episodes, FOR said trainwrecks. Because I'm a jerk like that.
Tom is hilarious. Provided you understand parody. And confusing to those that don't. Which I would imagine would be the exact demographic that the audience of "America's Got Talent" and "American Idol" and "Similar Auditioning Show No. 27" fits snugly into. Booing before he can even sing? Of course I believe that! "Loungasaurus Rex" already sounds like the bad-guy wrestler that you're _supposed_ to boo. And he most certainly dresses the part. Calling Tom's act 'high-concept' should be a stretch. But for _these_ audiences, it most certainly is higher-concept than any other act they've seen, or would have the patience to see. This show and its ilk have settled firmly into their collective role as a sad, post-modern Circus. And there's no room for parody at the Circus.
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