Commentary
For some young people, bullying is an assault to be not just endured, but survived
by Em Westerlund
"Dyke!"
The word hissed through the air as I walked down the hallway toward my sixth hour class. AP English. This slur-slinging happened nearly every day my junior and senior years of high school, sometimes accompanied by lewd gestures, shoves or hateful messages shoved into my locker.
I learned to duck my head and walk quickly, avoiding my perpetrators via carefully plotted alternate routes to class. I survived, but there are moments even as an adult when I feel the sting of that time acutely.
My story, or a variation of it, is all too common. Bullying has become a cultural motif for teenagers in America. Everyone, from parents to President Obama, reassures kids that "it gets better," while movies and television normalize bullying, an addendum to all of the other things that make adolescence such a turbulent time. It's a twisted rite of passage for too many of us, something awful that you endure as a kid. And then somehow you magically come out fine on the other side.
Only thing is, some kids aren't making it all the way across.
A lot of kids get teased about something at some time during childhood or adolescence. Maybe they get guff for their big buck teeth, or for the pants their mom bought at Wal-Mart and sewed an extra stripe onto so that they looked like Adidas. But bullying is different from teasing - bullying is violent, continuing, and dangerous.
Reports of teen suicides across the country as the result of incessant bullying should give us all cause for concern. Bullying can have both immediate and long-term effects on victims, ranging from increased feelings of isolation and depression to self-harming behaviors. The effects can be fatal. Bullying is bigger, harder, and more unyielding than just giving someone a hard time. The loss of life as a direct result is proof enough of that.
Gay, lesbian and transgender teens are not the only youth counted among these most recent suicides, and they are not the only ones who endure anti-gay bullying. For each GLBT teen who is a target of anti-gay bullying, four more straight-identified students endure anti-gay harassment. This shouldn't be surprising. In a culture where being called "faggot" or "lesbo" is a common putdown, and where "that's so gay" is an expression of scorn, anti-gay bullying and hate speech affect everyone, gay and straight. This is not a narrow problem, limited to a small minority of teens. The devastating effect that bullying had for these and millions of other teens across the country cannot be ignored.
Luckily, many folks are speaking up and speaking out about bullying in all its forms. Just last month, Sen. Al Franken introduced the Student Non-Discrimination Act in the Senate. This important legislation will ensure that bullying based on a person's actual or perceived sexual orientation is not tolerated. And the White House has also renewed its commitment to combating bullying through an awareness-raising campaign co-sponsored by MTV and Facebook.
The ball is rolling, and citizens can carry the momentum in their own actions. Consider engaging administrators at your local middle and high schools to find out how they respond to reports of bullying. Encourage them to enforce a zero-tolerance policy. Make a point of asking the young people in your life how they feel at school and let them know that you are a safe adult they can confide in. If you catch yourself using hateful language or slurs, stop.
But the best thing you can do is remember how bullying affected you. Whether you were the kid who got shoved, the kid who did the shoving, or the kid who watched it happen and spoke up, or not -- bullying has a lasting effect on everyone.
When I was a teenager, the adults in my life told me that I just had to shake it off, that everything would get better once I made it through high school. In a way, they were right.
I made it to the other side. Grew a thick skin. Built character.
But I don't want my rite of passage to be the common narrative of our next generation.
Every kid -- buck teeth, faux name-brand pants, gay, straight or somewhere in between -- deserves to make it to the other side.
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Em Westerlund is an advocate and community educator at PAVSA (Program for Aid to Victims of Sexual Assault) in Duluth.
Comments (10)
Thanks for the thoughtful commentary, Em.
Another whining GLBT article be held up like a rally poster on NPR. 5%-10% of the population gets more print and airtime than its worth. A genetic dead end.
Bullying happens, I got some, you got some. A few decide to hang it all - brain chemicals are tricky. Ever think that maybe they didn't have what life takes? No, we need more legislation.
Another whining GLBT article be held up like a rally poster on NPR. 5%-10% of the population gets more print and airtime than its worth. A genetic dead end.
Bullying happens, I got some, you got some. A few decide to hang it all - brain chemicals are tricky. Ever think that maybe they didn't have what life takes? No, we need more legislation.
Teens need to learn to be sensative to others. Putting people who are different down & harassing them is wrong!
Thank you, Mike S., for proving the author's point.
Thanks Em, for bringing awareness to an important topic. Waking up to our common humanness and educating others can help prevent bullying. Thank you for setting an example for the rest of us.
Well said Em.
The only time I've lifted a hand in violence was when I clocked a fellow h.s. student. She enjoyed mercilessly bullying a little boy on the bus, when she could. One day, after I demanded she back off, she engaged in the stereotypical bully-bravo, which unfortunately, if predictably, ended with 'are you going to make me?'
Single Question to myself: am I willing to get in trouble? I discovered I've got a good right hook.
It's important to defend others. I learned years later that the boy was deeply effected by the simple fact that someone was willing to defend him. I also learned he had a difficult home life without that security.
It effected me, too. I know I'm willing to stand up for others, which makes it easier to do. Thankfully I've only encountered that type of situation once as an adult (bullying between adults, not kids). The other effect on me was as I was getting off the bus that day. I was the last person off & the driver was my mom's friend & I expected to be read the riot act. He stopped me & said "Thank you. I've wanted to do that for so long. *Don't* do it again."
Re: Mike S. comments - perhaps you should contact Fox News to tell them to stop covering child abuse stories. The vast majority of kids don't experience it, so why cover it? Tell that 5-10% to just suck it up, too?
Media shouldn't cover news based upon frequency, but upon social impact.
Thank you for your story! I was teased so much as a child for not being skinny like the other kids! I was far from fat just a little chunky, never the less as an adult my wight is all I think about! And even when I was thin all I ever seen was a fat girl! It hurts but I am a stronger person now, but some kids aren't as strong. So we all need to be aware of this problem. Thank you for speaking up!!!!!!!! Kelly Gibbons
Thank you Em for your story. I was bullied from middle school on. I was hit, grabbed kicked, pushed, spit upon, hair pulled out, clothes ripped up, I even had 5 girls come at me at once, I would go around the high school to miss people to get to a class, my parents would go to the high school as to protect me and the high school could care less, they did nothing and blamed it all on me, they really blamed it on me. I just hated myself. I ended up dropping out, just to stay safe.
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