Audio
- How many women have endured a rape, and said nothing? (feature audio)
Commentary
How many women have endured a rape, and said nothing?
by Nancy Donoval
In all the coverage of the recent sexual assaults at the University of Minnesota, there's one line I just can't get out of my head.
In the St. Paul Pioneer Press, a campus police spokesman noted how unusual it is to have so many incidents reported in just two weeks.
The key word here is "reported." What's unusual is that this many assaults got reported so close together -- not that they happened.
Between the three at fraternity houses and another just last Tuesday at the Radisson Hotel on campus, we've heard about four assaults since Sept. 18. A Justice Department report found that only one in 20 sexual assaults is reported to the police. Are there 76 more we haven't heard about?
I was a college freshman in 1979, and I was raped at a frat house. It never occurred to me to call the police. I knew what had been done to me was awful, but I didn't know to call it rape.
Like a lot of people, I thought rape meant a stranger in a dark alley, not someone you know in a place you thought was safe.
Eventually, I did tell a few people. Not the police but some close friends. And I found out something that shocked me. Many of my friends had also been raped. And none of us had ever mentioned it to each other.
It's not just that most rape survivors never tell the police. Close to half of us never tell anyone.
A colleague told me recently she doesn't know anyone who's been the victim of a violent crime. "Yeah, you do," I told her. "We all do. We just don't know it."
Now I speak at colleges and universities. Every time I tell my story, other survivors tell me theirs. Sometimes I'm the first person they've told.
Rape still carries a stigma, and that fosters a culture both of silence. Silence and skepticism.
Minneapolis police have finished their investigation into one of the fraternity incidents. They say that no charges will be filed -- that there's not enough evidence "to support a criminal prosecution."
But that doesn't mean there was no assault. They just can't prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. And with rape, doubt is our go-to response even though false reports are as rare as unreported rapes are common.
If we want more survivors to come forward, we need some radical lessons in listening. If we want to make our campuses safe, we must first acknowledge how dangerous they really are. Campus police decided not to issue a crime alert after the most recent assault, they say, because there's "no ongoing threat to the institution."
But what about the ongoing threat to its students?
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Nancy Donoval, Minneapolis, is a professional storyteller. She is a source in MPR's Public Insight Network. She won the 2010 National Story Slam with an excerpt from her campus rape program, "Stories to Stop Rape."
Comments (16)
Right on.
Thank you for saying what should have been said long ago, and what should be said more often in the future.
I was appalled at these stats when I went through training in a local CADA house back in the 80's. I'll never understand why so many men just don't get it. Most all of them have wives, girl friends, mothers, and daughters. Males have gotten so tight lipped about the subject I can no longer point out and explain how wrong this attitude and behavior is. I understood this as a teenager and even intervened in attempted assaults back in the 60's. It is something beyond my comprehension. There have been times I have been ashamed of being the same gender.
Yes! By only focusing on reports and convictions we miss the real picture of the impact of sexual violence. Est. are that 72K Minnesotans are affected by sexual violence annually.
Along with the usual response of blaming the victims rather than the perpetrators of sexual abuse and sexual violence, I've also noticed that many who've commented on these sexual assaults tend to express little hope or expectation that things can really be different. Preventing sexual assault is not just what children/women need to do to reduce their risk of being sexually abused or assaulted; it means changing the norms that suggest that its' just the way it is' 'no big deal' - that males will look at women as sexual objects and will choose to sexually assault them. Just because most sexual abuse and sexual assault is committed by males it does not mean that most males are sex offenders. Rather than prevention focused primarily on what children & women need to do to not be abused or assaulted, messages need to focus on the importance of not perpetrating sexual harm. Males who don't choose to behave in these ways need to speak up when they see or hear sexually harmful behavior and clearly say that there is nothing normal or acceptable about using, abusing and pornifying women. The norm should be that when someone is vulnerable - for example when they've had too much to drink - that others step up to help them, not use it as an excuse to harm them. The norm should be that policy and practices are in place in various settings to encourage a safe place to learn or to party where half the population doesn't need to worry about being violated.
One, is too many.
Here are some more mind-blowing numbers from the Justice Department study I cite above. (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/182369) We didn't have room for them in the on-air commentary.
- For every 1,000 women attending a college or university, there are 35 incidents of rape each academic year. With the U's over 17,000 undergraduate women, that puts its rate as high as 600 assaults a year. And that doesn't include the graduate students and men who will also be assaulted.
- One in five college women will be raped or suffer attempted rape during their college years. That means of the 2500 freshman women on the U of M campus, an estimated 500 will be assaulted BEFORE THEY FINISH COLLEGE.
- Many of them will be assaulted during the first weeks of their freshman or sophomore year - by someone they know.
Statistics can seem very abstract. Every one of those numbers represents a real person in the world. Picture an auditorium during orientation packed with freshman women.
Look at their faces.
Every fifth face is a student whose life will be changed forever by sexual assault.
The recent reported assaults at the U are just the tip of the iceberg.
Nancy's commentary is cogent and gets to the heart of the issue of sexual violence, on or off campus. A woman or man who is raped is violated twice in our society - once by the experience itself, and once again by the stigma, the societal pressure to remain silent, the power of secrecy to shame. Nothing prevents us from challenging that power but the illusion that it is inevitable. It is a norm, not a law of physics - the product of collective minds.
As a parent of two college-age students, a daughter recently graduated from Hamline and a son who is a senior at Augsburg, I call on all who care about the well-being of our children to repudiate social organizations which practice or tolerate exclusionary behavior, hazing, sexual violence and alcohol abuse - no matter how many "good connections" are facilitated therein. No career prospect, no degree of status, no economic opportunity, is justified by this.
And I applaud the fact that fraternities and sororities nationally take this issue seriously enough to facilitate open dialogue on these topics through speakers like Nancy who tell their stories to effect change. Such preventive education is not "extra-curricular" - it is central to the core values of higher education.
Because minds can be changed - can grow, develop the capacity for critical thought, empathy, imaginative problem solving. That is, in fact, what I sent my kids to college for.
College rape is frequently referred to as "the perfect crime". Difficult to investigate, difficult to report for vistims(campus police versus city or county authorities), difficult to prosecute, and so perfect as the perpetrator frequently gets away free.
Thanks to Nancy for sharing her story. Unfortunately the short answer to the question in the title is TOO MANY. The burden is on society--on you and on me--to make it safe for victims to come forward. Stories like this are a step in the right direction.
Regarding:
"Minneapolis police have finished their investigation into one of the fraternity incidents. They say that no charges will be filed -- that there's not enough evidence to support a criminal prosecution.
But that doesn't mean there was no assault. They just can't prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. And with rape, doubt is our go-to response even though false reports are as rare as unreported rapes are common."
The police is right. Maybe these are false accusations of rape. Prosecuting an innocent man for a crime he never committed would ruin his life.
So if there is not enough evidence, the police is right to not prosecute because if the woman falsely accused the man for personal reasons... well then the damage she would have caused with her lies would be huge.
@ Al.
I'm not suggesting in any way that innocent men should be prosecuted. I understand completely why the police didn't prosecute. I've had a friend be falsely accused and it was horrible. I've also have friends be brutally assaulted and be completely let down by the legal system. Also horrible and much more common.
My point is that as a society we tend to interpret lack of prosecution to mean it was a false report. False reports do happen but they are very rare and they are by no means the only reason cases aren't prosecuted.
If someone is murdered but there isn't sufficient evidence there is no prosecution. Doesn't make the person any less dead.
What a powerful statement about denial. Thank you, Nancy, for helping us listen.
Thank you for saying this. I was silent too long, until I couldn't be silent anymore. It came flooding out of me one day as I listened to someone else speak about what had happened to her. Like you said, there are so many who feel they have to bear this alone, and it breaks my heart. When a rape happens, that's bad enough. To endure the aftermath alone should never be.
I was recently sexually assaulted while in Mankato, to watch the homecoming game......Me a 45 year old mother of 2 grown sons.......no way it couldnt have really happened!!! It did, I awoke to find the young man above me......disbelieve I thought I was dreaming no recollection of the night prior...how did I get here, where the hell am I ? ( he tells me you were wild, and someone must have rufee'd you!!!) I am not some gullable, sloppy, etc drunken woman, but it must have been my fault is I could think of for such a thing to happen to me.....My son just moved from that complex months ago, oh my god what is he going to think of me? I assure if this individual thinks that he is off the hook, the shame has not faded quite yet, dried my tears took some time clear my head a bit....hope he is enjoying the little bit of freedom....I will indeed find out exactly who he was, who else might have been involved...... I don't have time for self pity Nor will I let this happen to another individual, male or female!!!
I to was a victim of rape and remained silent for many years. I find that there isn't enough Laws to protect women and not enough advocates. I heard the Lord say to me one day. WHO WILL STAND UP AND BE A ADVOCATE FOR THOSE WOMEN THAT ARE VICTIMES. It is us women that need to take a stand and reach out to other women and to send the message that we will no longer be victimes. to counsil, educate.and suport other women in that dark time. A PERSON ONCE SAID." THE BEST COUNSLORS ARE THE ONES WHO HAS BEEN IN OR GONE THROUGH THAT ISSUE AND CAME OUT VICTORIOUS.
I understand what you are saying. I too have been raped twice in my life and never reported it at all. I was afraid of what people might say or the names i might be called. There are a lot of women that do not want to say anything because they are afraid. I knew the men both times it happened
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