Attention Dunderheads!
Posted at 6:00 AM on April 16, 2010
by Dale Connelly
(40 Comments)
Radio Heartland has tickets to a concert by Martin Sexton at the Fitzgerald Theater on Sunday, April 25th at 7:30 pm. We'll accept names until 1 pm today, and will notify winners by e-mail later this afternoon.
Enter the drawing.
Obey the rules.
Good luck.
I'm back in the studio today. And it's Friday! Every work week should start like this.
On my recent travels I heard the following precautionary announcement while trying to get to the airline gate:
"Nitwits will not be allowed past the checkpoint unless they are sealed in a quart size plastic bag."
First I wondered how anyone could get inside a bag so small. They would have to be both a nitwit AND a pinhead.
And why would a plastic bag make any difference?
What about the legal ramifications? Bags can be dangerous!
Finally it hit me - the word was probably "liquids". Good thing - I almost left the building in confusion and disappointment.
But really, the whole idea of heightened airport security is to keep nitwits off planes. So maybe the announcement I heard was the right one after all?
Share your favorite misheard announcement, comment or proclamation.
Comments (40)
Good Morning All,
I have to leave early this morning and can't get my mind in gear to think of odd misheard things. I'm sure I know of some.
It would be hard to top yours, Dale. That is really funny. The airport security system is so crazy, you almost believe that they would say what you misheard.
Welcome back Dale! I've been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to think up anything I've misheard. I'm sure there's something, but my brain is not nearly awake enough to remember any. But maybe "Albert Dance Around" (I'm sure that's probably not the title) would wake my brain up?
For anyone who is thinking of the Museum of Russian Art tomorrow, the docent-guided tour starts at 1 p.m., so maybe we should move up the meeting time about 10 minutes... 12:50, so we can catch that tour. I'll see everybody out front -- goat pins will be ready!
oh that's funny, Dale! if only
Clyde alluded to this the other day - about not hearing so well as we age. at the same time i think many of us lose our ability to make sense of what we heard. i'm lucky if i can hear "nitwits" to at least make a sentence. i might have heard that announcement and not understood it because it sounds like a language i don't speak. same with phone messages - i often play them four times and still have to call back and say i didn't get the message. i'm just processing more slowly - ugh! last night we were watching a Bergman film - Swedish w/ English subtitles - and i didn't catch the dialog so i turned up the sound. oh dear.
All my mishearings are song lyrics, and some have become near and dear to my heart. Remember hearing a story on NPR about a guy who made a book of those.
I don't think age has anything to do with it in my case, so of these are from my childhood. I had the theme song to Underdog completely wrong and have only been set straight when my son got a dvd of those old episodes with the lyrics subtitled.
We also turn up the sound on subtitled movies, so don't feel bad, Barb. I have come to the conclusion it is partly because if the sound is just at the threshold of my hearing, it is just sort of annoying to try to reach out and grab it with my ears.
My new job involves a lot of people talking fast on the phone, and I am supposed to know what they are saying-I'm sure that will get easier once I am more in the know about what they are talking about.
Dale, there is a song on Paul Simon's Graceland that I have always thought claimed "Elvis is a Watermelon", but I am told the words are actually Ever since the watermelon, which doesn't necessarily make more sense. If you can figure out what I am talking about and can play it, maybe someone can set me straight on that one too.
I've had hearing aids for just over a year now which reduced the all too frequnt nitwits in bags moments. The funniest mis-hearing I remember was a news trailer that promised news on "Big surgeons in Lake Superior." I wasn't sure who they were operating on...
Dale , were your ears burning on Sunday night? Ann Reed discussed the old morning show in her concert. She talked about an incident that I don't recall when Jim Ed implied on air that Ann was dead.
Leslie Ball announced that as of Sunday there were only 136 days until the Fair!
That's a funny story, Dale, but I can't remember a similar observation. Maybe after coffee.
Like others, my old ears have trouble with lyrics. I was startled once to hear lyrics proclaiming that "The little @ss birds sing sweetest of all." That's probably true, but research suggested that the lyrics of the Be Good Tanyas song are more innocent: "The littlest birds sing sweetest of all." Maybe it is my mind and not my ears that should be cleaned.
My grandson continues to impress me and now I have a theory why. There must be a Vulcan in the family tree because Liam has Spock's ears.
Have a wonderful weekend RHers. I sure will.
i have no mid range in my hhearing so if there is a white sound situation like a fan or a wind or traffic in the bakgound i am toast. i ask once or twice and then go without. i have been told hearing aids won't help. old rock and roll injury. no misheaqrings come to mind but they do happen all the time.
wayne dwyer the public television psychologist guru in his fisrst book your eroneous zones wrote about going home to tell his mother he had overheard his teacher saying he was a scurvey elephant. his mother was not pleased and went to discuss it with the teacher who clarified that she said wayne was a disturbing element. and the book is dedicated to all the scurvey elephants out there. i always like that one
TMORA 12:45 ho
steve tell liam to live long and prosper.
Like everyone else I know I have been a nitwit listener but I cannot rmemeber the funny or embarassing ones.
TMORA @ 12:45
My wake @ 7:00
Knew there has been a missing element--we lost tGitH. I am missing my weekly surreality check.
Has anyone else been watching Islands of Britain, which unfortunately ended last night? Had a fun horse on there last night.
And so how many out there are left-handed: Steve and jim I gather. Who else?
Where has TGiTH been?
Like so many I shall have to ponder misheard things. I recall laughing with a friend earlier this week about one...but I just remember the laughter, not what it was about. Guess the laughter is the important part.
Will see folks tomorrow at 12:45!
Greetings! I've been mishearing song lyrics all my life and now it just gets worse. And not just song lyrics -- everyday conversation, too. I can hear fine, it's just people that don't project and enunciate that I have a hard time understanding -- which is most folks. Can't think of one at the moment ...
I work in Natural Foods, so customers come in asking for unusual herbs or supplements. Often they just heard about it from a friend or something, so they're not familiar with correct pronunciation. Acai is gaining popularity, and some folks pronounce it ahk-eye -- the correct way to say Acai if ah-sigh-ee -- stuff like that. Kefir is either kee-fur or the Euro way is kuh-feer. Sometimes I have to really figure out what it is they want as they really butcher the word. All in a day's work.
Hey Joanne, is this a new job for you? I've been offblog a good bit with a new one myself, so not sure on this.
Been thinking about you, so hope this is a good thing for you.
Just heard from the dad of the son and heir (both southpaws, for the record, Clyde) who is stranded in London, working his way as far south as he will have to to get back to the States. Sounds like a barrel of laughs.
Sorry I won't be able to attend the museum outing tomorrow, but if any of the participants would like to write an insty-guest blog about it for next week, please e-mail me. dale@radioheartland.org. Have a great time!
Here's a stupid posting move: I was digging for an earlier post and then wanted to comment to Dale on a song he played. So I posted it and then realized I had posted it in Tuesday's blog. Too many realities on here; we need a surreal one, TGITH, we need you, but I bet you are off getting stinking rich with your golden tonsils.
Dale - thanks for the horse race song, that was a fun one. Wasn't there a PDQ Bach piece using classical music where the announcer pitted the different parts of the orchestra against each other like a horse race? I'm so lame, I don't remember much other than that -- heard it in Music Appreciation in high school so it was a loonnng time ago. Just wondering -- no need to play it -- just for my own sanity anyway.
lefty here too
i noticed tgith missing too. another one bites the dust. you know we are not for everyone.
i have not been watching the islands of brittan but i have 20 or so series on tivo (equivilant) to get to later. i always have the ambition to get to them and then have something elese to do that keeps me busy at the moment. i bet it won't always be that way but today it is.
dale you will get a report back on the museum visit from the group.
Catherine - thanks for your concern, but no, this is not new. I've been working at this part-time job for 4.5 years. It's nice, but not exciting or glamorous. It's just fun to talk to folks and share what I know -- the rest is just regular grocery stocking and boring stuff. Another college degree not used ...
You all know when I mention PDQ Bach that it really refers to Peter Schickele right?
Dale-searching online I found a song called The Different by Leonard Cohen that mentions a volcano
Dale--Black Diamond Bay by Bob Dylan.
Our local newspaper doesn't do a real good job of editing, and frequently reports on local Bizarres
held by schools and church groups. I've never attended one of these alarming venues, and I shudder to think what happens at them. My husband is going to spend his retirement writing letters to the paper correcting grammar and usage. What does the sound track to the movie Under the Volcano sound like? You could call that volcano music, couldn't you?
steve send me an address where i can send payment for the woldf book while you are out west with liam. send to timjmi2020@gmail.com
We have a womens' organization in our community called the Dorcas Society that does good works and provides aid for the needy. I know that Dorcas was an admirable woman in the bible, but the more modern meaning of Dorcas makes me laugh every time I hear the name.
Oh, I'm really late to post. And busy! I've been riding my bike to work on Friday mornings so getting here (to both work and the blog) late. Happy weekend, all!
You know who else has gone missing... Mark - the Wheel Dancer. We lost him about the time he started his new job; I'm guessing maybe his hours conflict w/ our 6-9 a.m. timeslot. So easy to drift out of a habit sometimes.
TGiTH... hope you're doing OK out there!
and Mike the mayor of Albert Lea and Darcy the singer
and the Lavender Wench......
I think I saw the book Catherine mentioned in a store, and I laughed out loud, since the title was "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy," apparently a take off on the Jimi Hendrix song... I should have bought it, it was just full of all these misheard lyrics, etc.
I'll try to remember more later, got out of town company... See y'all tomorrow at 12:45.
Yes, Dale, we'll figure who should do a blog intro for later in the week.
Hi-
Hubby's working from home this a.m. and is right next to the HD radio, so he's hearing more details than I. He says there's a Hoodoo Gurus song about a volcano and Jimmy Buffet also has one.
We had the Mondogreen (?) daily song misheard lyrics calendar several years ago. It was amusing.
On a flight back from Phoenix, we had a lead flight attendant who was hispanic. She spoke with a very thick accent and didn't have a complete mastery of the English language yet. A half hour into the flight, she casually announced that, "The plane has trouble..." It was one of those moments where everyone looks around wondering if children could somehow be fashioned to make a good parachute. The plane bounced around a little and she announced that "The plane has more trouble." We very quickly put together that by 'trouble' she meant 'turbulence.'
TGiTH... I laughed out loud just now... my cube/wall mate called over to see what was up. I think from now on, every time I'm in a place that hits turbulence I'm going to be counting the children around me within arm's reach!
Hey, TGITH!!
sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze cough cough cough
ouch ouch ooooohhhh oooohhhh ish ish ish
sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze cough cough cough
snore snore cough cough sneeze sneeze ouch oohhh ooohhh
sneeze sneeze cough cough seeough coeeze
snore snore snort snert cough cough oooohhhhh
sneeze sneeze ish ish snish sneough oooooooh
wheeze whew wipe wipe wipe cough cough oohh oohh
snooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrre eh?
sneeze sneeze, wipw wipe wipe ish ish ish
sneough coeeze seneough ENOUGH!!
Hey Clyde. ...are you ill?...
TGiTH - good to hear from you again.
Clyde - allergies?
Those going to TMORA tomorrow - I secured a pass from the library today, so I can get one person in besides me for free (it's a pass for two...and while i may have days when I feel pulled two or three ways, they're likely to still count me as just one person).
Anna -- we're thinking alike. Joanne and I are sharing my two-pass deal, so maybe Tim or Abby nee Barbara would like it? A. Lurker... are you joining us? You may keep your anonymity if you like and remain A.Lurkerm even in person... ok with us!
See you tomorrow!
I too have just secured a library pass for 2. We'll be in good shape. Cynthia in Mpls, are you still out there?
Joanne, if you are still checking in-
I love Peter Schickle and have been wondering if he is still doing his weekly show-yes, I should google that.
Anyway, I do know exactly the piece you are talking about, with a commentator doing the color for a battle between the conductor and the orchestra for control of Beethoven's Fifth.
Priceless-you are not crazy.
Have fun at the TMORA everyone, it is lovely.
Clyde, you have my deepest sympathy, sounds like allergies, know them well.
Yes, Clyde, sympathies, and we will miss you tomorrow.
Catherine - thank you for verifying that Peter Schickele piece. I also enjoyed his show when it was on MPR Saturdays just before or after PHC. I thought it was off the air, but I don't really know.
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