Somewhat Watered Down
Posted at 6:00 AM on March 26, 2010
by Dale Connelly
(30 Comments)
Radio Heartland has tickets to see Habib Koite at the Cedar Cultural Center on Tuesday, March 30th at 7:30 pm.
We'll close off entries at 1 p.m. and notify winners later this afternoon.
Enter the drawing.
Obey the rules.
Good luck!
All eyes are on Washington this week, so I'm passing along a letter from the elected official representing all the water surface area in Minnesota, Loomis Beechly.
Greetings 9th districters!The excitement about Health Care Reform has sparked renewed activity among my fellow representatives. Suddenly people are saying you're not a Congressman unless you're getting laws written and passed!
Since when? I'm not one to legislate for its own sake, especially when there's such a penalty to be paid for accomplishing tangible things that people can batter you with.
Still, one must try to silence critics, so for the first time ever I'm sponsoring some legislation!
My bill is House File 1954, "The Ten Commandments of Love".
I found the text in an old, old song. It sounds legal and important and moral all at once, so who could object? I found out as soon as it came before the subcommittee on Folk Law.Here is the legislation as originally written:
1) Thy shall never love another
2) And stand by me all the while
3) Take happiness with the heartaches
4) And go through life wearing a smile
5) Thou should always have faith in me
6) In everything I say and do
7) Love me with all your heart and soul until our life on Earth is through
8) Come to me when I am lonely
9) Kiss me when you hold me tight
10) Treat me sweet and gentle when we say goodnight.We had a spirited debate and as author of the bill I tried to be as open as possible to opposing points of view. That might have been a mistake. Among the specific challenges:
- There were legitimate concerns from both left and right regarding the promotion and inhibition of "love".
- Feminists demanded that there be no ironclad requirement for unquestioning loyalty, especially given the recent public misbehavior of high profile husbands.
- There were public health concerns that we not minimize aches of any kind, particularly in the heart area.
- Undertakers challenged the implied notion that love ceases with the end of "life on Earth".
- Deficit hawks called the "come to me" clause "an unfunded mandate."
- Free speech advocates balked at any bedtime expression limitations.
Here is the revised legislation, now called "The Six Commandments of Affection".1) Love within the constraints of existing state and federal law.
2) Support those who deserve support.
3) Take chest pains seriously.
4) Be nice if it is appropriate.
5) Communicate honestly.
6) Retain legal counsel.While I feel we've lost some of the poetry of the original language, I know we've picked up key votes from some of the lawyers on the subcommittee, which is, like, everybody.
People are generally in favor of love, and though 6 commandments aren't as ideal as 10, I've learned it's better to finish a job badly than to be labeled a do-nothing. I think we're going to be moving this one forward very, very soon!
Serving you as only I can,
The Right Honorable Loomis Beechly
Poor Beechly. It's much harder to accomplish things than it is to stand on the sidelines and criticize. Do you think you'd make a good Congressman?
Comments (30)
Morning Heartlanders!
I'd make a terrible politician. I'm not crazy about the limelight, but more importantly, I'm not nearly as good at compromise as I should be. And I can be kind of "in your face" if I feel strongly about something. Those don't seem like good politician traits to me.
Besides, I've always subscribed to the "anyone who wants to be president is disqualified by that desire" school of thought. Probably applies to congressfolk as well!
no, no, no, no, no.
well, let me think.
no.
but i'd vote for many TB bloggers
Barb -- how are Dodger's babies doing today? Thank Steve for updating the blog.. Crema, Luna and Rosa are adorable!
No, I would not.
Very clever Dale. Nice piece of writing.
Oh no, not a hope. I couldn't stand the rigors of the campaign, let alone everything that comes after.
I too want an update on the new and shivering goatlings. I've got the first pictures from the blog on my desktop-love those little sweaters, Barb. Been trying to figure out how to make them buckling friendly.
Spring break starts for us today, and not a moment too soon!
They recently announced that the minister of a failed economic reform in North Korea was stuck up in front of firing squad. That program might have the consequence of discouraging reform. I think we need to be more compassionate with our politicians.
So I'd favor some modifications to Beechley's latest proposed legislation:
1) Do unto others (constituents) as you would have done to politicians.
2) To that effect, let all Congressmen and Senators be compensated according to an actuarial analysis of the standards of constituents of the district. This, of course, would include having the health care policy of the average citizen of that district.
3) To prevent $$$ from having an undue influence in Congress, all political donations would be made into a blind trust to be divided among politicians equally.
4) To prevent lobbyists for the rich from having undue influence, records would be published of all contact politicians have with representatives of the wealthy. Politicians found guilty of passing legislation favoring those with wealth and power would be required to serve time in a "Dunk the Congressman" booth where they would sit over a tub of cold water and constituents would lob balls at a target to dump them in.
5) To elevate the level of political discourse, any politician found guilty of advocating patently silly positions (ie Obama is not an American) would be sent to night school in a local college and be required to pass courses in basic economics and basic political science.
With all appropriate humility, I offer this as a small amendment to Beechley's legislation. Note: in spite of my irritation at the conduct of current politicians, no firing squads would be involved in this reform.
Good Morning Citizens,
Dale, I think you are hinting at a kind of dark topic, although a big joke is involved whenever the preformance of our represenatives is discussed.
I don't think I would enjoy being a Congressman, but that wouldn't be a big problem because I doubt that I would last more than one term, if that long Also, I doubt that I could raise all the money needed to run.
I wonder how Beechly comes up with money to run for office? I think we need to investigate his funding. I don't see many potential funders in the area he serves. Does he have some secret source of funding?
NADA CHANCE. I'm too right brained. Although... if I could take a certain first grader along to assist, I might reconsider. This little guy, I'll call him Adam, is my number one fan. He's the one who invited me over to his hot tub the first week of school. When I have recess duty, before he gets himself ready, he politely opens the door to the small nook where my coat hangs. If I have a scarf, he'll pull it down off the hook. He'd get my coat too, but it's harder to reach. Yesterday he drew a picture of two stick figures (he and me) and at the top he wrote "To D from Adam." Not long ago when I called a couple of students by the wrong names (happens more often than I like to admit), he said, "Mrs. B - you really should come over to my hot tub. It would help clear your head."
Happy Friday, everyone.
I'm rootin' for those new kiddles in the barn.
went out at 5:45 and Dodger's buckling was standing; doeling still cuddled in the "cave" and not interested in eating right then. the buckling got up and began to nurse from Dodger. i was leaning over and helping him and trying to keep Dodger from knocking him off with her nudges at his tail. well, she thought i was being a little over-involved so, reminding me of that in her own way, she brought her head up solidly under my chin and now i have a big blood blister on my lower lip. ha, ha! she didn't do it on purpose. or did she?
on the other side of the aisle was Alba, reclining and acting as trampoline for Luna, Rosa and Crema who were having a ball.
As seems to be the consensus among the Heartlanders here, no! I would not make a good politician.
Happy Friday, all!
Jim, I think you may be on to something here. I think he is getting a lot of his funding from on-shore interests.
Read through yesterday's blog- combined with today's reminded me of Stan Freberg's version of
Elderly Man River, in which political correctness runs amok.
wonderful synopsis of the current political state dale. thank you for pointing out what happens to something as it gets passed to the next level in the government speak based world those people are forced to live in.
i am not involved with any organized political party, i am a democrat. i am one of those guys who goes to the caucus and the convention and enjoys the idea that a difference can be made but i have a real hard time with the commitees and mealy mouthed end results that come out of the commitees that do exist. its a challange to find people who are good for the office and have the time, thick skin, patience and ability to get past the barriers that are put up in order to get to a point where something can be doeto find the hubert humphry out there and avoid the chest thumping talking heads that are talking heads for the political machines that tend to be cranked out these days is a challange.
i always thought i'd enjoy politics but it takes a special person to be under the microscope and scrutinized while truying to make a diffeence. i am a good worker and a lousy employee. i am a good citizen but a lousy political model. i would havea hard time putting time and energy into an effort and coming out with the six suggestions of affection. (commandmentsis a little strong do't you think) . democracy is the worst form of government that there is , except for all the others.
Cathrine, I think you might be right about Beechly's funding. Unlike some others that may have hidden off-shore funding, Beechly probably has hidden on-shore funding.
thanks for the water is wide dale. perfect! and thanks for finding the baptisim river disc.
politics and friday... the perfect segway to a vacation huh dale. enjoy the time off. you know you can get radio heartland over the internet in other locations? looking forward to the bloggers of the moment next week. ready aaron. lets see what you got.
reneee. i am still waiting
clever and fun reading today - thanks!
Donna, keep an eye on that boy!
Dale - i like Tim's idea of calling your clever results of the 10 commandments the six "suggestions" of affection. or if it's politics how about the "six suggestions of affectation?"
happy weekend all
thanks for the good wishes; i'll convey them to the kiddos. and i will stay away from Dodger's head :-)
sorry - this will be last goat-posting today, but wanted to say that it looks optimistic out there. doeling ate strongly just now, by herself (while i kept my mouth a good distance from Dodger's head :-) and both are peeing and pooping and much more active.
thanks to all who lit cyber candles or sent good vibes their way.
and Catherine - if you come up with a design for a buckling-friendly sweater i'd love to see it!
thanks, All
Happy Friday everyone....
Barb, so glad to hear everyone is doing well out in the barn... the pooping and peeing part is always good to see that all the internal parts are connected and functioning properly.
I recall a couple elected officers on this blog... not "congressman" necessarily and we could debate the definition of "politician" so maybe some of us would make good elected "Dog Catcher" or something?
... I'm just saying...
i am elated to hear that everyone is doing fine barb. the goats have become a part of the daily routine and their well being is as important as if they were a direct family member not just a blog member.
keep us posted. have a good weekend.
dog catcher would be about right.
renee.......
I think I might actually have some traits of my imaginary congressperson...
I like to go to meetings;
I'm a good listener; I can multitask, and am "good with details."
I eventually form an opinion,
and can articulate it.
I'm good at finding excuses and blaming others when needed.
I can read, and sign my name.
I can be very diplomatic.
but mostly,
I want to please everyone.
Have a great weekend, all, and a good break, Dale.
Barb - Glad that the new kids are doing well. I, too, worry about them. (I have warned Husband that he best keep me in town or I could go the way of tending goats...)
I would make a lousy politician. I would get too beaten down by not being able to meet my idealistic goals. I can compromise with the best of them - and have copious experience with dealing difficult personalities having worked in theater for a number of years - but don't think I'd last more than a few months in D.C. Might have some fun being a speech writer, though.
Have a lovely vacation Dale!
Interesting, I just got this in an email (no doubt y'all will too eventually), along with a Proposal for reform and a plea to send it on to 20 people: Many haven't realized that "members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they didn't pay into Social Security, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws..."
Anna,
Remember it said that some of the best schooling for working in Theater is "Child psychology"??
Man.. how true!
Smiles!
Ben - I have a friend who has worked as a dresser (and also a costumer). She has been known to say she doesn't need kids, she has actors...and I have worked with a couple of directors who would have benefited from a "time out chair."
Thanks for the afternoon laugh. :)
"Politicians complain that TV turns their proceedings into a circus. It should be made plain that the circus was already there, that TV merely demonstrated that not all the performers were well-trained."
Edward R. Murrow.
The same can be said of theater people, which is why I quit doing anything with theater.
I was thinking of naming those who could start with potty training, but that would display too much cynicism on a bright Friday afternoon.
If I started drinking and had and lost a dog, my life could could be a western song, to sort of quote Johnny Carson.
Good weekend all.
clyde
i did start drinking and i lost my dog
i have children of my own but love my theater children and i also love my political children. they put on their big people suits but they are often just soap opera stars. the paul wellstones are the exception to the rule. but thank goodness for the exceptions. speaking of exceptions to the rule. i hope you have a good weekend
anna if you are thinking about becoming a speech writer i hope you consider getting started on goats in space screenplay while dale is gone. we could have it all done in two weeks
Re the cw song: Johnny Carson had a longer version of that which was very funny. Yesterday I just stumbled on the ERM quote completely out of context and had to share it. Then riding in an elevator I heard a man talking about how JC had a joke about CW songs and dogs. But I could only come up with that part. Speaking of elevators, what happened to elevator music? I just noticed musak has disappeared from our mall. I haven't heard it in an elevator lately either. Lily Tomlin once said something like "I am scared that whoever thought up musak is thinking up something else." Maybe that's where reality TV came from.
Happy 70th to my wife today, here in Evan.
I declare this random Saturday: has anyone who is paying attention been to the Birchwood Cafe? Just wondering what it's like.
Clyde - Yes, and it's delightful - good food and drink that you order at the counter, then take to your table, fairly reasonable prices. May be crowded at noon. Diner type decor... Outdoor seating in summer.You may have already been to website, but:
http://www.birchwoodcafe.com/
I think you're right about the reality TV.
Happy birthday to your wife.
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