The Coming Snack Panic
Posted at 6:00 AM on March 9, 2010
by Dale Connelly
(34 Comments)
The FDA is investigating evidence of salmonella in a food additive called HVP (hydrolyzed vegetable protein). Batches of this flavor enhancer produced at a specific plant in Las Vegas were found to be contaminated, so the company is recalling all the HVP powder and paste it produced since last September. Of special concern are HVP-added products that are typically eaten without being cooked at home - items like chips and dip.
It is important to note that no actual illnesses have been reported in connection with this case.
You can check a list of products affected at the FDA website. The agency said you should not rely on ingredient lists on the product to determine if there is HVP inside.
This is not good news for chip manufacturers, whose products already have a reputation for being unhealthy, fattening and irresistable - a frustrating combination for anyone hoping to live the kind of lifestyle where they can fit comfortably in a standard theater seat.
Idea man Spin Williams and his marketing team at The Meeting That Never Ends have been studying this and are trying to stay "ahead of the bulge," as he likes to say. They sent out an industry-wide advisory to their clients yesterday, suggesting that anyone with a bag snack on the market today should "seriously consider re-naming or "right-naming" the product.
He said "For amy chip to survive the coming snack panic, it will have to send multiple positive signals that say 'I am good for you in spite of all the evidence to the contrary'."
Spin says an effective snack name for the health-concious food world going forward should include at least six types of "positive indicators".
"Creativity will be rewarded," says Spin, but "under no circumstances should the word 'chip' or 'snack' ever appear as part of the name of your snack chip. Those words will become the 'kiss of death' (not literally, I hope) for anyone trying to sell a bag of oily salty goodness."
And to aid clients in getting started on the "right-naming" process, he lists some examples (not approved by the legal department for actual use):
As you can see, using Spin's chart gives us such delightful sounding options as "Mom's Unscented Earth-Rolled Salty Snaps" and "Captain Sully's Low Footprint Hydro-Cleansed Munchy Lifts".
But these are only suggestions. I'm sure Spin forgot some important and powerful words. Feel free to add them below.
What do you look for in a snack chip healthy treat?
Comments (34)
Clever Dale.
Lassie's Low Footprint Earth-Cured Crunchy Snaps
I look for fat and salt in droves, damn the consequences. And to prove I was paying attention yesterday:
The Festering Pen
It’s just round the corner, down the street from you,
Meant for the many, and not just the few,
Once you come here, you’ll come here again,
A remarkable place called the Festering Pen.
Riders of Harleys, eaters of Barley, with dogs named Marley.
Young noble studs and dottering old men.
Wearers of red hats, owners of fat cats, Joggers and fat prats.
All are welcome at the Festering Pen.
Reeking of goat, just come from a boat,
Fresh form the mall, dressed for a ball.
The young and the sleek, or with more than one chin.
Pensive and quiet, or laughing in riot,
Whether silly or sagacious, silent or loquacious
Owner Dale Connelly will welcome you in.
Coming by a long hike? Or pedaling up your bike?
Driving your tractor? That will not factor
On how people greet and give you a seat.
Once you come here, you’ll come here again,
It’s the friendly place called the Festering Pen.
Just cross the threshold, step in from the cold,
Give up your frown when you sit yourself down,
The bald and beautiful are both welcome here,
Like a women’s retreat or a quite manly den,
It’s only a dream or so it would seem
But all would be welcome at the Festering Pen.
The gathering is never stopped by the fog
We actually meet on Trial Balloon blog.
But if in the next life we all gather round
And talk and talk of the beautiful sound
Of all of the musicians and words they did sing
Which to our earthly mornings a joy they did bring,
The place we will gather for its name I recommend,
What would fit us better than the Festering Pen?
If I still remember how to calculate combinasions (or is that a permutation?), Dale can name over 1/4 million products.
Dale and Clyde - the combined cleverness and wit in your works fill my mind with awe and my heart with admiration. thank you for the good chuckles so early in the morning. i like crispy and salty
clyde,
great start to the day. you have outdone yourself. i liked the idea yesterday. today i am ready to open a neighborhood franchise.
would the festering pen serve jim ed's natural bio ground mulled barley wine nectar to we who find it behooves us to partake at the ladies retreat ot the quiet manly den?
coule we get orbison blackhoof to come over after he is done at the bowling alley?
speaking of calling in sick, Dale.... you sound as if you may have a cold?? get better soon.
Column 4b Column 4c
dijon drenched
basil prayed
tofu drizzled
green tea wrapped
saffron dusted
buckwheat swizzled
We are arounf 75,000,000
Add for Dale only cough-syrup dipped.
dale it occurs to me that you have uncovered more than you know here. my observation is that htis group of bloggers represent a higher than the average per capita veretarian demographic and it is for better or worse a fact that veggies eat a bunch of hydrolyzed vegetable protein.it offer flavor where there otherwisae would be none. unfortunatly it sounds like introduces other things where there would otherwise be none.
maybe we can get spin to work with the drug manufacturering community to offer the disclaimers at the end of the tv commercials for lassies sustainable earth cured healthy bites. if you experience any of the following side effects do not be concerned it is found to be normal in our test group. dry mouth, nausia leaking bowels dimensia and a hardening of your throat are common and should not be harmful. if these problems persist please consult a doctor for an antidote to this healthy snack.
Good morning, all!
I like salty goodness in a snack. No chips for me though. :-)
Blog entry and comments great for a chuckle this morning.
Good morning all! Haven't spotted any bluebirds in Zimmerman yet, but avian activity and singing has increased to a delightful level.
I'm not attracted to chips, unless they are chocolate chips. Glad the health gurus are focusing on the salty side of the aisle, which means chocolate is safe for a while. And now for some hot cocoa : )
Good Morning you wacky kids!
I like Crunchy Cheetos
Clyde - how many chip combinations could be made with the added adjectives firewood-oven-roasted and orgasmic?
And let there should be a chicken soup variety for the common cold.
tim--food with side effects and disclaimers. Harry Reasoner years ago did a radio story about "If you can't fix it feature" in advertising. Or else say it very fast or in tiny print. I was thinking about "can't fix it or feature it" for Toyota, which has some interesting potential. But food has lots of potential.
My wife takes tow drugs that list as possible side effects death, but in rare instances.
My ex wife's company did work for the food industry (now, there are two words that really shouldn't oughtta be combined). The results of the study were that consumers would buy virtually any kind of chip if it had three qualities: fat, salt and snap. It could be shaped like a goat's eye or anything else. It could be any color. It could have almost any flavor. If it delivered fat, salt and snap, it was gonna be eaten.
Your matrix, Dale, seems creative and powerful. But it feels to me better engineered to make phony health claims than product names. You have to feel sorry for the people who write promotional phrases to put on chip packages. Other products might say "no cholesterol" or "no calories" or "no fat" or "no sodium" or "organic" but there is NO health claim to be made for chips. Maybe they could promote chips made with "Nature's own sea salt."
To name the product, I'd go minimal. Something short and snappy, like "Dakota Brand Buffalo Chips" for a western-themed chip.
put the "dakota buffalo chips" right next to the "minnesota cow pies" a true dairy delight.
MN Cow Pies...so...wrong, but I bet they'd sell.
I managed to show enough restraint yesterday (working from home) to not eat the entire box of Savannah Girl Scout Cookies...heck I only opened one box of cookies and ignored the Thin Mints, the Samoas, the new cranberry ones...good thing I'm going into the office today. I don't think I could manage two days of such restraint.
Good Morning to Festering Pen Users and Others,
Some how we need to work goats into spinning a new name for chips. How about Billy Goat Goodies with Mom's Pure Bio-Milled Munchy Snappy Ingredients?
Then there could be a little statement about how goats are really very discriminating in what they eat, contrary to what people think. This might get people's attention and goats could become the symbol for pure food. Well, probably not, but stranger things have happened in the world where Spin Williams operates.
I have seen more than one food prudct called cow pies.
at the travel north dakota website there is a name the worlds largest buffalo contest. chip is my favorite entry so far.
north dakota also has the world largest cow but to my knowlwedge there is no naming contest on the cow.
I was pricing goat cheese last night, and thus not buying, so in the world of cheese barb and her goats are vey upscale indeed.
I think the largest cow in ND means the huge holstein statue along I-94. At least that's what the sign on the freeway says.
In the early 70's we had 9th graders do a joint English and science small group project where they found a product with a testable claim. The they had to evaluate the meaning of the language in the claim test it, evaluate the meaning of the test, separate objective and subjective measures, judge the over-all product, etc.and share the results with the class and the producers. It was very fun, but we had to quit because the FCC made companies stop making such claims. Only two claims really passed--melts in your mouth not in your had and you get a chip in every bite. A mother or two got mad at me because their kids got cases of products as an apology from the makers (I think required by the FCC)--such as each in the group got a case of Pledge and in another group a case of Duncan Hines cake mix (which you could not but with a feather, unless you starhed the feather, which one group guessed).
Dale,
Your list is oh so clever and uber complet. IT does however lack the FDA requirement for manaufactureer and location. If I may be so bold as to suggest....
elves in hollow trees
monks in Ashrams
boys in plastic bubbles
eunuchs in sterile labs
sprites in forest glens
Dr Larry Kyle at GenWay
One of my sisters is a food scientist at McCormick Foods out in Maryland.
She related a story that 20 years ago people complained that they didn't want artificial additives. So they started using palm oil and such. And now, people complain they're destroying the forests for palm oil. Well? What do you want people? Natural or artificial? Regardless, it's gotta come from somewhere.
'*Dried*, All Natural, *mostly*, calorie free --MN Cow Pie"
With all additional suggestions I think we are approaching a billion options.
We do not have to pursue this very far before it gets ridiculous, do we?
It shows how non-sustainable current food marketing is, in both the narrow and borader senses.
My wife used to not eat at mother's house because the food was natural, therefore had some bugs in it, was fertilized with manure, etc. My mother used to say everyone has to eat their peck of dirt, at which my city wife lost her appetitie.
Just a quick note before the show ends. I am moved in and online now! So thank you for the support Dale. and we will talk soon/
Good news, Aaaron. The show may have ended but not necessarily Trial Baslloon.
HVP is one reason why I'm no longer a vegetarian.
My favorite snack are Kettle Popcorn.
Laughing out loud, Dale - Spin should probably add Quaker to list of trusted presenters. I have a box of Quaker Medium Barley here that says on the front, and I quote: (As part of a heart healthy diet, the soluble fiber in) Barley helps reduce cholesterol. And of course the the good Quaker in his hat, wholesome smiling face prominently featured... Quaker already does rice cakes (which by the way are the kind of thing that can make your blood sugar spike really fast -- see, don't get me started.)
Awesome poem, Clyde...
Steve - I make a Buffalo Chip Cookie --really just larger than usual with chocolate chunks instead of chips, but fun to bring - WELL LABLED - to a pot luck. :)
Dale - I don't think you have this in the library but R. Crumb and the Cheap Suit Serenaders have a song called Get a Load of This:
"Bring a loada' RC Cola
TV Dinner
A plate of Twinkies
It takes a pink burrito
For to keep me clean
(For to keep me clean)"
The world's largest Holstein stands proudly above New Salem, ND. Her name is Salem Sue, and the High School teams are called the Holsteins- the girls are called the Lady Holsteins. Quite silly, I think, but even siller, the public High School teams in my ND town are called the Midgets. The parochial high school teams go by the name Titans.
Holsteins is far better than all of the cliches names. Renee is there any school/college in ND that calls themsleves the Flickertails?
I have been in my life an Agate, A Maroon, A Gopher, and a Bee. I collect cool team nicknames. Some good MN ones--Moorhead Spuds, Blooming Prairie Blossoms, Main Streeters (how man schools adopt the name of a novel that criticizes their town). One of my favorites is out west of Renee a ways, The Belfry Bats in Montana. And I think there is only one team named for a fungus--does anyone know of one other than the Red Tide of Alabama?
One oy my fromer students collects phone calls from inside, you must be inside, famous sports arenas. He is missing very few. But only I have called him from Cameron Arena.
A cool picture of Sue and other large raodside cows is available here http://www.roadsideamerica.com/set/cow.html
Luckily they seem free of cow chips!
Renee, they are missing Albert the Bull in Audobon IA, where my daughter did her internship.
Clyde, no flickertails that I've ever heard of. Somewhere in Ohio there is a school team called the Zeps, after a Zepplin that crashed near the town in the 30's. It remains to be seen if the UND Fighting Sioux will have to change their name for the NCAA. If the name must change, I think the Chippers, (what people call the large potatoes grown in the Red River Valley for, yes, chips) would be quite nice and a nod to ND agriculture. We also grow a large number of edible beans, so we could also be the Pintos or the Lentils. Any other suggestions for a new UND mascot?
UND team name has been made a mess. I still think Flickertail, always have. Now Bowman HS by you Renee are called the Bowman Archers, but just think, they could have been the Bowman Bowmen.
I don't know Renee if I told you my daughter's ND to MN story. About a week after they moved to southern MN, they were shopping in New Ulm and found themselves absolutely paralyzed by the 250 plus ice cream choices counting brands and flavors. In Bowman there was vanilla and chocolate.
High school mascot names can be a mess. First, the mascot is often chosen as a way of pandering to some commercial interest in the community. There's a Texas town where cattle make the economy spin, so the high school team is the Steers. I assume the naming committee didn't know about steers being castrated. Nor did they think ahead to the time a female team would be created, for they became the Lady Steers, which is beyond weird.
But the worst I've encountered is in the town of Chinook, Montana, where the dominant industry used to be a sugar beet processing plant. The team became the Beeters. The visual depiction of the mascot is incredibly funny. It has the head of a sugar beet with a demented expression, and then the arms go down to the handles of an egg beater which is madly spinning beneath. I don't know if they call the girl's basketball team the Lady Beeters, but that's the logical name.
Thanks, Steve. I will add that to my stories; good additions. Montana has some interesting and odd names. I have heard rumors that Duluth East is changing their name and/or colors. I always thought Greyhounds and grey and red was very nice.
I will share my very good news from my son, the one whose career in producing has been so up and down. He moved to this new company in the southern end of the Bay Area, and so struggled to fit in, took a demotion to go there, but it was a job when no one was getting one. But he endud up taking over a second job because a man just walked out. Today they made him a producer, gave him a $10.000 a year raise retro to Jan 10 and a $2500 bonus.
Greetings! Great story and great poem, Clyde. I worked 14 years at Pillsbury -- the first 3+ were at R&D where they "make up" food products. The majority of the vendors that worked with the food scientists were from flavor, aroma and chemical companies. Most food designing/marketing deals with making it look, smell and taste appealing. No thought is given to nutrition.
If it is, they just inject some cheap, synthetic vitamin/mineral additives so they can put the claim on the package. It's so absurd. Agriculture turned into AgriBusiness. Steve, you're right Food Industry are another two words that don't belong together.
Anyway, I love the Festering Pen! Sounds like fun!
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