My Brother and My Friend
Posted at 5:15 AM on October 19, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(31 Comments)
This blog is supposed to be a lighthearted conversation among a community of listeners and not specifically focused on the details of my personal life, but I'm asking for your patience as I make an exception today to introduce you to someone I loved.
My brother Lee. He died last week.
His passing was the result of a Hepatitis C infection contracted over 30 years ago - a consequence of a transfusion of tainted blood from a time long before the more stringent donation screening of today. He needed the blood because he had been attacked by one of his fellow Marines - a sad brother-in-arms doing battle with his own demons.
Sometimes tragedies have echoes that reverberate down through the years. You may be well aware that something nasty is on the way, but in between those calamitous waves there is an opportunity to do some good if you can set aside your fear and stay optimistic.
My brother did that, and more. He was a giver - always more interested in what was happening with you than in explaining himself. Asking about his health was a sure way to get him to clam up.
Here's a photo of the two of us in California in 2005. Lee is on the left.
The arm around my shoulder is a good illustration of our relationship, and the approach he took to all his friends. When he was on your side he was totally with you and would not let you down. In fact, he would stay with your cause long after you had abandoned it yourself, sometimes to the point of irritation. If you didn't want to be reminded of something you thought was a failure, too bad. That was no reason to stop talking about it. To him, your success had simply been delayed, and he had an idea for how you might turn things around. I confess I was guilty of rolling my eyes a few times at his relentlessly hopeful string of suggestions, but I would love to have some fresh advice to discuss with him now.
Lee fully embraced ideas that appealed to him and became a lover of causes.
Some of them were noble.
He was passionate about animals and volunteered countless hours at his local shelter, taking special care of stray cats and helping with a cable TV show designed to spread the word about the pleasures of adopting abandoned pets.
Other causes were quirky.
Lee became a bicycle enthusiast long before it was fashionable and chose for his flagship the lean-back recumbent frame that has the rider sitting low and upright. I think he enjoyed the weird looks he got riding the streets on that contraption. It's a common sight today, but he was one of the first recumbent riders, even in bellwether-for-every-trend southern California.
And some of his causes were downright Quixotic.
He ran for Congress as a Libertarian. He had no money, few supporters and little time to devote to the project, but still he felt the need to challenge a powerful incumbent, "B-1 Bob" Dornan, simply as a matter of principle. You can guess the outcome, but there were no regrets. I still have a Connelly for Congress bumper sticker -a cherished memento.
I will remember my brother for these things, and for his kind heart and his reckless enthusiasm.
Lee was also stubborn and rather stoic and close-mouthed when it came to his own troubles - not an unusual quality, particularly in the male of the species. I understand that completely but my brother's struggles and his untimely death have reminded me that people who are givers and helpers are often the last to complain, and some of them will never ask for assistance themselves.
I'm sure you know people like that. It may even describe you.
Please remember, it is blessed to give AND to receive.
Comments (31)
Dale,
That was a nice, open and respectful tribute to your brother. Thanks for sharing. He sounded like people I know who combined Minnesota nice with a little something extra to back it up. Two come especially to mind from his generation who shared some of the traits you describe in your brother, a cousin and childhood friend who both died within the past two years.
RIP Lee, Jamie, and Bill
Dale,
I am so sorry to hear the news of your brother. Your tribute here gave me a glimpse of a real person, because you didn’t forget that the things which drive us crazy about our loved ones are some of the things which make them so memorable and lovable. From the way you describe your brother, he would have appreciated that.
My condolences to you and your family as you grieve and treasure your memories.
Dale,
Thank you for trusting us enough to share your brother with us in the Heartland. It is not always easy to live with our quirky relatives and to appreciate them simultaneously. Still, since our siblings have been part of us for so long, losing them means losing a part of ourselves.Please play music to honor Lee and call upon us for any kind of support we can offer you.
Dale.. no patience needed. My thoughts are with you and your family today and the days to come. Thank you for sharing.
thank you Dale, for sharing your brother with us. i'm not sure, but it seems to me that people, when they are dying, do it at their comfort level (not selfishly - it may be an unconscious decision - but just because they are more comfortable in their own ways). so some people ask for help and some don't. sounds like your brother Lee dealt with Hepatitis C for 30 years quite privately. my best friend died 5 years ago this month. she was ill for 10 years and her greatest fear was that she be forced to be more public than she wanted to be with her journey. if i wanted to really get her mad at me, i would say "how about we have a spaghetti fundraiser for you?" nothing against spaghetti fundraisers - she just wasn't comfortable and wanted to do it her way. and she did. sounds like Lee did also.
Thanks for the kind, supportive words, everyone.
I don't trust myself to talk very much about Lee on the air during the show today. I think the blog is the proper place for this right now. He was a (very) occasional contributor in the comments section, so I considered him part of this community too. I might play a song or two in his honor in the second hour.
Don't hesitate to ask for your own requests for your own reasons today. Our job (together!) is to come up with an enjoyable show for everyone. No downers allowed!
Dale, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you had adequate opportunity to gather as a family to honor and remember him fully and that over time the collective memories you assembled will provide you a source of comfort for your missing.
Dale, I feel privileged that you would share your brother's life with us. We all honor your loss and our own losses. I hope you and your family find comfort and peace while remembering Lee.
It always seems odd to have laughter and joy in the face of loss, but nevertheless, it's all part of the kaleidoscope of our existence. I remember laughing hysterically at my Irish brother-in-law's eulogy at my father's funeral -- someone he loved and respected deeply.
If possible, let's hear Brave Combo's version of "Louie, Louie" to celebrate all you loved about Lee.
Thanks for sharing. I can only hope to be as open and insightful about my own feelings in relation to those close to me. That's really difficult for me. Thanks for being a role model. And great comforts to you and your family.
Thank you for telling us about Lee - he seems like a great brother (and quirks just make that better, I think). Everyone should be so lucky. May there be comfort in the good, quirky, and familial memories.
Think I might need to go call my brother to make sure he knows I appreciate the many times he's had my back...(Don't suppose in the deep recesses of the music library you have any 1910 Fruitgum lurking? That was the first "pop" album my brother and I shared - he bought it, and it truly was "bubblegum pop.")
it sounds like your brother got to deal with a 30 year realization that we are only here for a short time. unfair, unexpected, no do overs just deal with it is the cards we are dealt in this life. circumstances are what happen to us on the road of this life. our part is to decide what to do with the circumstances. lee did it on a weird bicycle and for animals in the shelters. we all do it in our own way and it is all we can do. its hard to loose our loved ones. the world is such a transient place and the ones we have with us make a huge difference. i'm sorry your journey will continue without him but it sounds like your life is much better for having him there while he was with you.
whats the tune. "and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make"
and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make
Hi tim,
Isn't that called "The End", on The Beatles' The White Album?
Condolences to you and all your family, Dale. Hope the happy memories of Lee will comfort all of you and inspire you to follow your causes with similar passion.
I so appreciate your including us in your remembering of your brother, Dale. Many thoughts I would have penned have been written above; I hope and trust that you are being held up by family and friends, and that our caring also comes through to you here.
Our son Joel had some things in common with Lee, esp. the part about being there for "his people." When he died at age 26 (alcohol related accident), we ultimately found this line in a sympathy card, and it has helped immensely:"Death ends a life, not a relationship." Sharing memories of Lee is one of the best ways, I think, so I wish you many opportunities to do more of what you're already doing here.
Dale, I think most of us have know some one who has lost some one or have, ourselves, lost some one important to us. I never know what to say. My thoughts are with you. It seems thar your brother was a very special person and it must be very hard to be without him.
Thank you for sharing your remembrances of your brother. It reminds us all to cherish the special, giving, quirky, irritating people in our lives.
Dale,
I also am so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of and praying for your brother Lee and family. Thanks for sharing your tribute to him.
Mike
so sad, hope you are ok, good to have folks to share with
thank you for the beatles sunshine song, the boys and i sang along during breakfast
So very sorry to hear about your brother. Thanks for openly sharing what must be a very tough time for you. Your wonderful description of him expands us all. Take best care of yourself.
I am so sorry, Dale. Your brother must have been quite an inspiration for you. Please accept my deepest sympathy.
I found out just now. So sorry, Dale and family. So beautifully written. My heart aches for your loss.
Our family shares a love of animals - especially cats, and our daughters have been wanting a dog too. We have three cats, all adopted from our local animal shelter or Humane Society, both of which we support in various ways.
Two weeks ago, we started fostering a dog from the Humane Society, the long-term intent that we will be his forever home. The cats have yet to buy into this idea. He is a very good dog (a terrier mix).
Dale, I'm glad to know we support a cause important to your brother.
Thanks for sharing Dale... Lee sounds like a pretty cool guy.
How odd. We hadn't listened to Radio Heartland for quite some time, but this morning Judy said, let's listen to Dale. No sooner had we tuned in then we heard your tribute to your brother, followed by Here Come the Choppers. Not a real easy song; not a real easy time for you, I'm sure. We're so sorry, What you've written above is, as others have said, beautiful and moving. In honoring Lee's memory, you have given a gift to us all. Thanks, and Peace.
Dale, I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost a few friends and relatives who were way too young and I know that it can be hard to make sense of. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words about your brother with us. It's times like these when community is so important.
Tace care of yourself.
A sort of late in the day post - but I keep thinking back, Dale, to today's post. So moving, such a lovely tribute. Somehow it's gotten my internal play list (some would call it an ear worm) stuck on the chorus to "Everybody Get Together" where the words go, "C'mon people now - smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now..."
I know it's too late to play it today - but maybe later in the week (if you want to) you could squeeze it in.
People who are givers often have a way of continuing to give after they’ve gone, in unexpected ways. I hope those gifts will still come to you from time to time.
I'm really late to the blog today-at home with H1N1 and in and out of bed, but I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am glad to see all the comments, and I hope you can find some solace from them.
Thanks everyone, for understanding.
Your words are a comfort. On behalf of myself and my family I'm grateful for your thoughts and prayers. Kindness does make a positive difference in the world - you prove it every day.
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