The Living Law
Posted at 5:45 AM on September 23, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(19 Comments)
Years ago on The Morning Show, we did a make-believe courtroom case study series called "The Living Law". This week I found one in my files that resonates with our current weather conditions and the always fashionable urge to blame someone else for your troubles ...
The Living Law is sponsored by the law firm of Badger and Hackle, the ones to come to when you're GUILTY.
A very dry summer parched the vegetables in John's garden, and cool temperatures discouraged his tomatoes. In previous years, John had reaped a bounteous harvest and had become known among his friends and colleagues as "Excess Tomato Man." He brought bags of surplus tomatoes to work, and always had a few with him in case he met someone on the street.
It was a source of great pride.
But this summer, he became known as "Empty Handed John."
Distraught, John sued the National Weather Service, contending that it is, in fact, RESPONSIBLE for the weather. A jury was selected, and the case went to trial. Here are excerpts from the closing statements.
For the plaintiff:"Your honor, members of the jury ... my client believes that gloomy forecasts created an atmosphere of acceptance. People simply got used to the notion of cool, dry, unseasonable weather and they didn't protest enough. As a result, we lost our ability to become alarmed, the weather had no reason to change, and John lost his reputation! Would it have been so difficult to talk about good tomato growing weather? Maybe if we'd heard more about that kind of positive, uplifting weather ... some of it would have happened!"
For the defense:"Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury ... This case should be decided very quickly. I'll show you why on this map! Out here to the west we have a very, very weak arguement. We'll mark this with a "P," for "plaintiff's case." Our case.. "D," for "Defendant," is quite strong and it's moving in from the north. There's a lot of science behind this, feeding the common sense that's already there, so it's quite powerful. The plaintiff's case is fueled primarily by folklore and superstition and spite. When these two cases come together it's expected our strong case will PUSH their weak case off the map like so. I predict there's an 85% chance we'll be acquitted on all charges."
If you were on the jury, what would YOU say? The answer in a moment.
Many fine lawyers enter the profession hoping to represent innocent clients who are unjustly accused. This noble instinct leaves them unprepared to defend guilty people like you! Don't be undermined in court when your lawyer realized the awful truth and can't hide his disgust.
At Badger and Hackle, we're comfortable with clients who totally did it. Badger and Hackle, the ones to come to ... when you're guilty.
The jury in the case of John v. National Weather Service returned a verdict of guilty, and the judge sentenced the National Weather Service to pay John 20 million dollars for the loss of self esteem that resulted when the weather ruined his tomato crop.
Afterwards, the weather service attorney spoke to the press.
"Of course we'll appeal. We are disappointed, but we think this outcome actually proves our case ... we don't control the weather. Because if we did, we would have had a tornado destroy this courthouse the moment the judge read that ridiculous verdict.
I think an appeals court will understand that.
They'd better!"
Sound Unlikely? It's the Living Law!
This makes me wonder. If you controlled the weather, you'd certainly have a lot of friends. And enemies. Is there any way you could make everyone happy?
Comments (19)
good morning, All! oh, i hope we never have control of the weather but i like getting 20 million dollars. i'd take it for my failed "Sweet Dumpling" squash crop and the melons that are ruined by gopher-nibbles. oops, that's not weather, is it? then can we next please control the rodents?
Dale and Mike, what a perfect song for today's subject - Cohen and Warnes!! Love it.
I guess being a Libra, I would never end my search for equity - but how? Maybe I'd start with a request line and blog and see which way the wind blows the balloon. Oops, that's been taken already. Too early for me to be thinking deeply.
There is no way to make everyone happy, as far as I can tell. I would like to rain on the parades of some people and I don't want any rain for my special events. Unfortunately, too often we find out, as I think that Bob Dylan said, a hard rain is going to fall.
We can always hope for the best. Maybe the song about walking on the sunny side of the street would express this hope. I think Louie Armstrong sings this song.
Good morning, all!
It's Wednesday... all day.
Actually, I like the usually sunny approach that you usually seem to have, Dale. We hear too much about the bad climate, and I do appreciate your generally positive appoarch.
I remember sometime last year, Jim Ed giving the weather report on TMS and then saying, "Uhh--YEAH. I'll accept that." What a nut!
Looks like a fun entry this morning Dale. I got up too late to read it, but will get to it later, I promise. Can't use the diarrhea excuse - did that yesterday.
if i controlled the weather i'd like San Francisco weather, just about always cool , some wind, lots of sunshine
this summer was lovely, and i got lots and lots of tomatoes and green peppers, altho the pumpkins suffered and i had to put the vines in the compost pile
so nice to hear Dylan
Anybody who wants to change the weather needs to read "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" to look at unintended consequences. It's now a movie but I don't know if that would get you to the same place.
Dale have you included John McCutcheon's "It's Fall" in your autumnal medley?
Wishing everyone at RH a great day!
Unlike the situation in most schools, Donna, the reading for today is NOT required, so don't add it to your already long list of things-to-do. One of the beauties of the internet and the blog-o-sphere is that it's perfectly acceptable to weigh in on any topic with no prior knowledge at all. Reading? That's for chumps! Just vent!
Speaking of today's cloudy weather, how about playing "Nuages" by Gypsymania/Sidewalk Cafe/TCHC?
Hell Yeah!
Greetings! I, too, have reaped bounteous tomatoes, zucchini and ground cherries from my Earthboxes which don't rely on rain. The seeds I planted in the garden failed miserably -- nothing sprouted. But they were rather old seeds I had found.
I was in San Jose, CA for a week a few years ago -- such lovely weather there. Much like this summer that I have loved. But I'm sure some people have complained about our somewhat cool, lovely summer. So it is ...
Well, I'm sorry about the weather the rest of you around the region have had this summer. Here in Northfield we have garden tomatoes coming out our ears. We lived in Duluth for 28 years. Now there is weather to whine about! Gardening was but a exercise in hope there. As far as controlling the weather, we found moving south to be easier and more reliable.
"Gypsy in my soul" always reminds me of the movie "Night at the Opera" in which the Marx brothers interrupt a performance featuring a band of gypsies. This leads me to remember the scene where one of the elderly women is singing a spooky song at which point Groucho sneaks behind some audience members and blurts out "OOGA-BOOGA-BOOGA!" Or something to that effect, it always makes me laugh. That's my rabbit trail for the morning. Thanks!
Doug, your idea of moving south works great if you only care about your own PERSONAL weather, but a Weather Czar would have to take responsibility for all of it. Even Duluth.
Given the authority, I would make sure rain fell overnight, sometime between 1 and 4, when all decent people should be in bed anyway.
And I'd schedule some thunderstorms for early evening on non-baseball days so families who like that sort of thing could enjoy the lightning and the spectacle. But we'd publicize it, so people don't get caught outside having picnics.
Hi,
I heard it's Bruce Springsteen's birthday (60?) - how about a song from him - "Pay me my money down" is fun - I'll always remember seeing him do that with a huge group of musicians on the Tonight Show or Conan.
I don't see how the court's ruling against the National Weather Service can stand. We all know that the weather is under the personal control of the local TV weather person. The news anchors point this out over and over whenever the weather is especially nice or particularly inclement.
Thanks Dale & Happy Birthday Bruce!
I like how you transitioned from "Pay me my money down" to "In the jailhouse now", fun stuff.
Wow, it's good to know Badger & Hackle are still around, Dale! :) The song about My Attorney Bernie comes to mind (is it David Frishberg?).
I guess I'm glad we can't control the weather yet... but sometimes I want to. Weather is just too unpredictable and mysterious.
Enjoyed your rabbit trail, Karen, I love the Marx Bros. The rabbit trail here leads directly to the garden fence, which we FINALLY managed to mend, but lost a lot of stuff early on. We are now being inundated by things I'd given up on -- guess they are just late from the cool and the dry... tomatoes, and it seems to be The Year of the Eggplant. Can anyone use any eggplant?
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