Tom Swift and the Enormous Waste of Time
Posted at 5:10 AM on May 14, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(37 Comments)
Yesterday's childhood book discussion was so delightful, I spent a little time re-immersing myself in Tom Swift connections and came across a kind of word puzzle called a "Tom Swifty".
Based on the author's all too obvious attempts to avoid a repetitive "Tom said" pattern in the series of children's adventure books, a "Tom Swifty" is a kind of phrase that combines a quote with a punful, double-meaning adverb. This is news to me, but perhaps it's old hat to a bookish group like "Trial Balloon" readers.
I did find that once you get started with Tom Swifties, it's hard to stop.
Popular online examples include:
"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom, bluntly.
"There goes my hat!" said Tom, off the top of his head.
But a Tom Swifty can revolve around any topic, including membership:
I'm no freeloader, I just doubled my membership!" was Tom's rejoinder.
Current Events:
"Look, Dick Cheney is on TV again, talking about waterboarding." Tom agonized.
Politics:
"I guess I'm just a liberal when it comes to social policy," Tom allowed.
Once you get started, it's hard to stop. Take transportation:
"Bud is so clumsy he keeps falling off his bike!" Tom derided.
Household substance abuse:
"What color is this spray paint?" Tom huffed.
Or, speaking of painting, the Arts:
"I have a special love for Van Gough," Tom cut in, eerily.
I hope I haven't infected you with a Tom Swifty compulsion, but if I have ...
"At least it isn't the Swine Flu." Tom snorted.
Comments (37)
Dale... very funny! I can hardly wait to see what this group comes up with.
On a somewhat related note... who was it who said their Uncle Pete had written "The Fugitive Wife"? It was during an "uncle discussion" on the blog awhile back. Anyway, to whoever it was, thanks! I just finished it last night.
Have a great day Heartlanders!
Hello Heartlanders,
Just checking in to let you know I continue to enjoy eavesdropping on the conversations!!! When work lightens up I hope to participate :) thanks thanks
"What's a time signature?" called Dave Brubeck, rhythmically.
Majority ate my apple tree! bucked Tom.
That goat stepped on my toe! bleated Tom.
Let's go play with the goats, said Tom capriciously.
This goat milk is delicious, uddered Tom.
"Give what you can to support RH", said Tom heartily.
"Obama gets to replace Souter", Tom declared, judiciously.
"This is too hard," Tom blogged woodenly.
"It's warming up," Dale announced globally.
"It's time to slog through the logs," grumbled Elinor ploddingly.
Good morning, all.
"I prefer a French red burgandy, but why does it have to be so expensive?" wined Tom.
"I will never lose 5 lbs if I continue to do nothing but sit on my rear and read this blog over and over and over...." weighed Donna.
"OMG! I totally wasn't thinking that the word pork is also used as a verb!" squealed Bunny Greenjeans.
"This is really a trial," Tom ballooned.
"Dale, this is quite a week," Tom pledged.
"The bees haven't arrived yet," Mike buzzed.
Good Morning!
"It's bike to work day!" Mark pedaled.
"How did I get goated into this?" said Tom cheesily.
"Here's another tune for you." Dale disked jockily.
"We keep the show on the air with your contributions." said Mike productively.
"I'm a sustainer!" Tom contributed.
"Would you play something by Tuva?" a Radio Heartland listener requested throatily.
"And maybe some Tom Waits?" added another listener huskily.
These are great! How about:
"There's a mighty wind today," breezed Tom.
"It always smells so fresh after a rain," said Tom airily.
"My name is Jim Ed" said Tom, confusedly.
"Dale, you're killin' me!", Donna expired, when hearing the opening notes of Tom Traubert's Blues.
"I hate it when my Radio Heartland stream buffers during Tom Waits," Tom interrupted...and waited.
How about Star Trek-isms ...
"I'm a doctor, Jim -- not a social worker," offered Bones.
"He's dead, Jim," Bones announced stiffly.
"I don't express emotions, but I feel them as much as you do," pined Spock.
"According to their coded transmission, the Romulans are planning an attack on the Federation," translated Uhura.
"All hands on deck," shuffled Kirk.
"I can't break the laws of physics, sir!" announced Scotty brokenly.
OK, some are a bit of a reach ...
"There's also good music on 89.3 FM," says MPR Currently.
"My gosh, that sunset looks like something out of a Edvard Munch painting," Tom screamed.
I'd like to hear "Let the Mystery Be," said Tom DeMentedly.
"Oh, that's right -- it's pledge week, so I need to renew for another year." remembered Tom.
"That fish tasted terrible!" Tom carped.
"Steak for supper again?" Tom beefed.
"I just started taking flute lessons", piped Tom.
"Drink at lesat 8 glasses of water a day", Tom said fluidly.
"She's about ready to give birth" Tom said laboriously.
"Put enough starch on the shirt collar" Tom said stiffly.
these are just so much fun - thank you so much - so fun to read! thanks Dale, for the challenge and Dale & Mike for the great tunes!
Gail, thanks for the throaty singing request! heard it just as i got back in the house to listen after milking.
had KUMD on while milking but it just isn't the same, said barb Heartlandlessly.
"Somebody sure better clean up the yard after the dog has been out," Tom barked.
"My favorite memory of Rome is throwing coins in the Trevi Fountain, hoping I'll return some day," bubbled Tom.
"I'm done," said Mike with finality.
Thanks for John Hartford's Gentle on my Mind, Dale! Takes me back to those happy 1980s!
oh, my, yes, tom swifties!
some favorites from my youth:
I want to be an Indian warrior, Tom said bravely.
That is not my son, Tom said, apparently.
nice ones, all!
Dale, did you have any luck finding the Shel Silverstein song?
Oh no is it already almost nine o'clock? Where did the time go? asked Kate belatedly.
"Was that a wonderful show or what?" Tom wondered.
Oh goody, we made the morning's pledging goal, said Tom winningly.
"There's a busted Buick on the side of the road," said Dyna flowingly.
"I'm sure glad I made my contribution in time this morning to meet the pledge challenge this morning," Jennifer said pledgelateintheweekedly.
"I am such a loser at this" said Darcy, defeatedly.
"We'll divide our winnings in the fairest way possible," Tom said evenly.
"If it is a boy, he will have short, German sounding name" Tom said curtly.
"The water was removed from the basin using a straw" the detective put it succinctly.
"A prison inmate escaped through a window on the third floor of the infirminary by making a rope out of bed sheets" the warden said condescendingly.
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