To Every Panic a Season
Posted at 5:20 AM on April 28, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(49 Comments)
First things first! Radio Heartland is presenting the sold out Colin Hay - Peter Mulvey concert at the Cedar Cultural Center this coming Friday, May 1st.
Even though there are no tickets left for the general public, we have 4 pairs to give away to Radio Heartland listeners. There are rules and regulations, of course.
Enter your name between now and 1 p.m. Wednesday afternoon.
We will inform the winners after the window of opportunity closes, and announce the names Thursday morning!
In case you're wondering, the Swine Flu Virus has NOT been invited to the concert. Here's a further word of reassurance from our staff expert on the subject, Bathtub Safety Officer Rafferty:
At ease, Civilians! I say this because it is not yet time to panic.Panic is a state of wild disorder characterized by emotional displays and irrational actions. Panic can be worse than the thing you are panicking about.
For this reason we strongly advise against panic at this time. Were a premature, unauthorized panic to begin, it would truly be a cause for panic, since people in a panic are dangerous and unpredictable.When it is time to panic, we will issue each American a personal panic advisory that will escalate through three animal-themed stages.
- Panic stage one is called "A Bear In The Woods": "Bear" level has been declared, panickers are advised to withdraw from all human contact and refuse to eat or get out of bed.
- Panic stage two is called "A Lion at the Gates". Under "Lion", panickers may shift to a defensive mode, setting up an imposing perimeter around their abode.
- Panic stage three is called "A Pig At The Door": At "Pig" level, reccomended activities include weeping with fear, tearing at your clothes and running naked through the streets.
You will be informed concerning which specific panic stage you are required to reach, and when. Be advised that you and your neighbors may be assigned different levels of panic at the same time, so take your cues from official sources, and not what you may see occurring out your window.The Swine Flu is a concern that must be taken seriously, but it is not an epidemic yet.
However, Swine Flu paranoia is already at very high levels.If you feel yourself being swept away by worry and your head feels light and extremely hot with concern, drink plenty of water. Drink so much water that you have to stay home to be near your bathroom. That may well be the safest place, which is odd, since the bathroom is where most in-the-home accidents occur.
Observe the standfard precautions. Do not stand up in a wet tub, and do not watch TV in there, it's bad for your health. Water and small plug-in appliances do not mix.
And remember - unauthorized panic spreads electronically!
Yours in Health & Safety,
Bathtub Safety Officer Rafferty.
Has anyone been assigned a personal panic stage yet? Bear, Lion, Pig? Other?
Comments (49)
I'm reaching panic level entirely on my own because my HD radio is still mistakenly playing KNOW instead of RH! And my computer doesn't seem to want to stream. I hate to be bringing this issue to the top. I'm sure there are many levels of technicians I should have contacted first. But it's early, and I just can't think of them. Are you still incognito?
Good morning Jean,
All our systems hear say things are working as they should. Perhaps your HD radio is on KNOW HD 1 rather than HD 2? Or maybe it has a virus?
Or maybe WE have a virus?
Jean -- my radio had to be re-set to HD "2" this morning -- it was still remembering being on HD "1" yesterday during the blackout.
Dale - thanks for the swine flu humor. Although as someone in the travel industry, it's kind of hard to laugh very hard right now. Hopefully we can have lots of pig songs today. I don't suppose you have anything sung by pigs?
Miss Piggy sings, doesn't she? maybe that would be a song to meet Sherrilee's request?
we are below panic levels - our level is "Bubba at the door" level yet - cat who wants to be fed at 4 a.m. we "did" panic last week. thanks for the warnings, though, Officer Rafferty! and good morning RH friends!
I can't hear you! It might be my computer, but I think there might be something wrong with you live streaming signal.
Good morning, everyone.
No panic at my house... only a jocular 14 year old boy who makes jokes about feeling ill and his imminent case of swine flu.
Recently, you played Kris Delmhorst's magnificent cover of Leonard Cohen's "Go No More A-Roving". Could we hear some more from her, please?
Hopefully, I'll get to hear the show today!
Can't hear RH via the internet, either. Perhaps JASPER has come down a virus of his own?
I can't hear the music either. I get the advertisement but no music after that.
Hey Jim -- I've been on the pc since 5:45 and it's coming through ok here. Good luck!
Good morning Heartlanders.
No swine flu panic to report around here as yet. A couple of dogs and a cat were in a panic yesterday (maybe spring fever?).
Something Irish to push away panic and boredom always seems to work for me--do you have a song titled Orange and Green (or something like that--not sure)?
Anyway, hope everyone has a good day. Take two Tylenol and call Dale in the morning (or email).
My personal panic stage: Wake up Radio Heartland! This is Serious!! ha ha
The school district here is advising parents to keep their sick children home and wash hands often. LIGHTBULB!!
I am disappointed in my so-called RH friends for not responding to my question yesterday about the difference between orbit and revolution. but being good teachers, you forced me to look it up myself, and I am now enlightened. Although lay people often use the words interchangeably, there is a distinct difference between the two - Orbit's a chewing gum and Revolution's a Beatle's hit.
You don't have that Galileo song by Indigo Girls, do you?
I can hear you now! I tried using the Window Media player and that worked. The usual way that I connect didn't work which is the recent setup where I don't need to use MP3 or Window Media players.
OMG - in all seriousness, this Matilda song totally does it for me!
I have been lurking here, usually unable (due to work) to participate in the blog but I am HERE and Waltzing Matilda does it for me too THANKS
Good morning,
I was panicked by lack of streaming but switched from default to Windows media and am now enjoying RH.
Dale, I think the whole country is at Panic Level Goat-we re running around aimlessly, leaping, getting stuck in small spaces, and eating things we shouldn't.
How about "Some Little Bug Is Gonna Get You Someday" for perspective?
Thanks for the comments, everyone.
I'm sorry there seems to be some trouble with aspects of the stream today - we've checked all the wires at our end and things seem to be in order for MP3, Windows Media and HD. Odd.
Donna, I'm sorry we don't have the Indigo Girls Galileo song - a gap in our collection.
Mike in Mississippi, I think I know what you're talking about - a song about the history of Glasglow by the Battlefield Band? I'll look around a bit.
It's a gap in my collection too, Dale. I think my daughter ripped it off after I ripped it off from her first. Kermit makes up for it!
No audio problems in SF, but I have a mac.
Wow! What a line up this morning! You played two of my favorite artists back to back: Tom Waits & Leonard Cohen. (I'm not going to see Leonard Cohen perform this weekend, since I am on call.) Leonard Cohen seems like the great bard of our time, a man whose talents straddle the art forms of music and of poetry. You can't get this kind of programming anywhere else.
Coming from a long line of taciturn and stoic Norwegians, "panic" isn't really something I'm capable of - occasionally I can work my way up to a good "fret," but that's about it.
Maybe those of us more inclined to the Norwegian Bachelor Farmer attitude need another animal (Turtle? Withdraw into Your Shell? Reindeer and/or Rabbit in the Veggie Garden? Now there's something to get worked up about...) - otherwise we'll likely get stuck at Bear in the Woods (though I'd be likely to cheat and have some gjetost with me).
P.S. Thanks for the Kermit this morning!
Indeed, Dale, where, except on Radio Heartland, will you hear Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen in the same show? Your show is the TOPS! I always love to hear "Anthem" - it teaches me every time. Thanks so much, even though I didn't have to request it!
I am thrilled to be going to the Leonard Cohen concert Sunday - but I entered my name for the drawing for Friday's concert as well. Can never get too much good music.
i use Windows Media Player and it's working. for myself, there'd be waaaay more panic involved in not getting RH in the morning than, say, having a pandemic.
ha, ha Donna - loved your definitions of orbit and revolution.
Hi Dale, I can hear you perfectly, it's my 50th birthday, and I'm at work already! I have my tiara along and may need to start wearing it soon. What more could a person ask?
Greetings Heartlanders! This pandemic begs for a Conspiracy Theory rant -- how does an Avian/Swine/Human Flu Virus even come about unless engineered somehow? Just a thought ... hope it doesn't raise your panic level.
Donna, I was thinking of your orbit/revolution question yesterday and couldn't think of an adequate response -- I like your definitions better!
Meanwhile, I have my head firmly anchored in the sand and plan to keep it there (while stocking up on herbal anti-virals and natural immune enhancers) until this this whole things blows over. Have a great day!
Thanks, Dale. I couldn't think of a song to request but you always make excellent choices. Radio Heartland makes my day!
Ya'll are silent in Tallahassee. :( Level PIG panic attack here.
AAAgh!!! I can't hear the show either!!
Good Morning!
I like to think my ex wrung all the panic out of me but I'm sure I still have some left. At our house we are operating at panic level "Blind Cat" as led by our little blind cat who mostly just cruises around at a slow but nearly non-stop walk peppered with occasional bursts of speed which end all to often with him running into something, often the dog.
I am more concerned with yet another Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, Kermit the Frog set :-) (like that's ever happened before). Thanks for the creativity Dale & Mike!
No streaming problems here which is good since that would certainly cause massive panic at the "No Tiger in our Tank" level.
I couldn't get the internet stream to work at first, either, but then clicked on the link "Having problems? Try Media Player". That's working.
Comments about not being able to hear the show on my PC make me feel somewhat better that you are not just blocking me for some unknown reason. I can't hear the music either. I get the advertisement but no music after that.
Love the show. Been listening for a couple of weeks now.
Thanks Gail in Wisconsin. That was good advice. Up and running now!
Officer Rafferty:
I'm somewhat prepared for the flu pandemic. I went to Fleet Farm to buy orange bandanas for Kathy & me, and they had two different shades of orange! Couldn't make up my mind, so bought a pair of each. Now I can wear them instead of those blue 3-M respirators, and make a RH statement as well!
I am at work an I cannot hear anything through this computer either.
Gail, where is the "Having problems? Try Media Player" link located?
Teri -
Go to Radioheartland.org page, and click on the big blue "Listen" button under the current song title.
In the new window that pops up, go below the Bursch Travel logo, and you'll see in tiny print (hint-hint) "Having problems? Try MP3, Media Player".
I clicked on Media Player, and that worked for me. Hope this works for you, too.
Happy birthday Sue! Wear your tiara proudly (I still have mine on my dresser from my big party on my 50th)!
Joanne -- funny you should mention engineered virus. I had a call from a friend very late last night and that very topic came up. At length. As Arte Johnson used to say on "Laugh In"... "veerrrry interesting".
Stefanie in Asheville... welcome!
THANK YOU, Gail! Happily, the stream is coming through perfectly now. Your directions were excellent - much appreciated!
Dale amd Mike, in celebration of finding the correct connection to RH, would you be able to play "Happy, Come Home!"? I don't know if that is the real title of the song or not, but it is the oft repeated phrase contained in it.
Thanks!
Thank you so much for the Northwest Passage song. I've loved it for many years, and for reasons even I don't know, it always makes me cry. Seems like I needed that today.
I also had trouble getting your signal this morning, finally resorting to RealPlayer, which cuts out way too frequently. I think it may be time I got that hd radio and stopped wrestling with the internet route.
Thank you, Dale and Mike, for Rainbow Connection and Northwest Passage! They're great songs and I can't hear them enough :)
Thanks everyone for mentioning your streaming problems and trying to help each other. Our experts are looking at it right now. If you have any additional information about what is and isn't working for you, that could be useful.
"PIG" level panic "moment" when I lost RH...what is the Spanish word for "I understand, I sympathize" with those of you having trouble with the stream and HD connections...I had to re-connect from scratch...Lions and Tigers (Pigs)and Bears, oh MY!
Good Morning all...hope some of you will get to be outside in the sun...I'm off to work in a windowless building.
Dale - I had problems with the regular/live stream this morning, too, but the MP3 feed works just fine with my iTunes (I'm on a Mac).
Also - If the Battlefield Band wasn't the orange and green song Mike in Mississippi was looking for (though it was a good choice), I wonder if the Elvis Costello tune where he sings about green, white and gold (can't remember the title) is the one he's looking for...at least I'm pretty sure it's Elvis Costello.
I am so glad that Officer Rafferty put things in perspective for us. The network news people are certainly at the Pig stage. I like Joann's "Head in the Sand" stage. I think I might join her there, keeping my hands free to wash them for 30 seconds every couple of hours.
Thanks Dale, for playing Bea Arthur's "Man in the Moon." I couldn't get the stream at home, but I am listening in my cubicle and I will hear it in the rebroadcast. It's kind of nice to be able to know exactly when a request is coming up. My phone had better not ring at the wrong time!
Have a great day All and keep your noses and hands clean!
howdy, all--signing on late again---
but just gotta say, i heard lucy kaplansky (sp?) as i awoke this a.m., and am STILL singing it to myself---
had to go to amazon and download that song :-)
if anyone knows other songs/singers with that same lively, funky, country-bluesy attitude thing going on, i love that!
Kay,
Try a little Nanci Griffith. I have been a fan for a couple of decades and I heard her at the Guthrie last night live. I heard her at one of the big halls downtown Minneapolis (can't remember which one) about 15 years ago, but she is really great in a more intimate venue. Funky, Country-Bluesy with attitude brings to mind a couple of her songs: "Ford Econoline" and "Listen to the Radio." She has been on Dale's and Jim Ed's playlist for a long time, too.
Darcy
Thanks for the song, Dale and Mike! Yes, that was the one I was thinking of. As short as it is, it's a smile maker, I think. And besides, don't you just want to shout "Happy!" sometimes?
Speaking of that, I am very happy that RH is in existence. Having the program unavailable this morning demonstrated the huge black hole that would be dominating the air-waves if there were no RH.
Hearing the new underwriters names, and seeing the new listeners names on the blog makes for very happy news, too. Yep, despite Bathtub Safety Officer Rafferty's dire warnings, sometimes you just have to shout "Happy!" right out loud.
I've had trouble with radio streaming at home and at work today. I attribute it to our western North Dakota wind advisory and the howling I hear outside my window.
YAY! Thanks for "The Man in the Moon is a Lady!" It brought a sad smile to my morning. I adore Bea Arthur! Long may her gutsy voice and attitude live on!
Anna, I liked your Ideas for Norwegians and other calm Northerners. My idea of panicking is to sit on the floor and stare into space.
I kind of like "Bubba at the Door" too, Barb.
Stephanie in Nashville, is it as much fun to live there as it is to visit overnight?? Love that city!
Happy Birthday, Sue -- it's a gorgeous day for it...
For some reason (was interrupted once when I was signing on??), when I sign on to Radio Heartland, it comes up Stopped , and I have to click on that right pointing arrow to get a connection. Has been working after I do that.
Thanks for making me laugh, Dale. Despite my high level of education, I had started pandemic panic plan. Now I'm breathing.
Also, thanks to RH for sponsoring Colin Hay and for making a few more tix available.
xo
oh, and thx for Kermit. Made my day.
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