New Wive's Tales
Posted at 4:36 AM on February 13, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(22 Comments)
Friday the 13th. Big deal.
Bad luck comes unbidden, as does good.
There's no such thing as "deserving" either one. That's why we call it "luck".
That said, some of those old wive's tales are based on common sense precautions, such as the one about it being "bad luck" to walk under a ladder. You certainly wouldn't want to walk under a ladder while I'm on it.
I'm always dropping stuff.
Boiling down folk wisdom into an easy-to-remember saying can help pass along good advice. So why can't we come up with new superstitions that are based on all the fresh knowledge we've accumulated? Like something that incorporates the latest scholarship about blowing your nose when you have a cold, using both nostrils simultaneously.
The New York Times (registration required) says researchers at the University of Virginia discovered that two-nostril blowing dramatically increases pressure in the sinus cavities and forces goop up into the areas we want to drain. Ugh.
The solution? Clear one nostril at a time. Who knew?
Maybe if we had memorized this rhyme when we were children:
Don't be a two barrel blower
Or your cold will leave you slower
Be a single nostril snorter
And your misery is shorter
Here's a Friday the 13th game we can play:
I'll list ten familiar superstitions with an asterisk in place of one of the nouns.
Can you come up with a new noun or phrase that would work in place of the asterisk in all these cautionary sayings?
Since most Heartland listeners already have one of these at home, I'll offer the first one - "Goat".
Never walk under a *.
Step on a *, break your mother's back.
A * crossing your path means bad luck.
Do not put shoes on a *.
If you spill some salt, throw a * over your shoulder.
To break a * means seven years bad luck.
It is bad luck to put a * on a bed.
If you shiver, someone is casting a shadow on your *.
To refuse a kiss under a * causes bad luck.
It is bad luck to chase someone with a *.
Comments (22)
for number one Dale, before i read your answer, i said to myself "peeing goat" so we were close. ha, ha
i would say "goat" would fit in all ten except that number one and number nine conflict then.
i'm outta here for an early feeding and then off to a meeting. sorry to miss what becomes of your phrases -
should be fun!
I was lucky enough to wake up early an fill in the spaces before all the good answers were taken.
Never walk under a goat
Step on a chiropractor break your mother's back.
A runaway freight train crossing your path means bad luck.
Do not put shoes on a cat
If you spill some salt, throw a french fry over your shoulder.
To break a promise means seven years bad luck.
It is bad luck to put a politician on a bed.
If you shiver, someone is casting a shadow on your 401K
To refuse a kiss under a camel causes bad luck.
It is bad luck to chase someone with a microphone
Morning Heartlanders. I have nothing to add to Beth-Ann's "fill-ins". They are perfect. I especially like #2 and #6. And for no other reason than I've been thinking about it, could we have the Lake Michigan song this morning? I have no idea what it's really called, it's about the young woman who goes off to marry and farms on the shores of Lake Michigan?? Happy Friday everybody!
Never walk under a *.
Step on a chiropractor break your mother's back.
A skunk crossing your path means bad luck.
Do not put shoes on a cat
If you spill some salt, throw a french fry over your shoulder.
To break a promise means seven years bad luck.
It is bad luck to put a politician on a bed.
If you shiver, someone is casting a shadow on your 401K
To refuse a kiss under a camel causes bad luck.
It is bad luck to chase someone with a microphone
Morning, Heartlanders -
Beth-Ann wrote some winners there, for a good morning laugh!
Some lame additions:
Never walk under a nose blower.
A Segway crossing your path means bad luck, unless you're wearing a helmet too.
To break an internet connection during the Dale Connelly show means seven years of bad luck.
If you shiver, someone is casting a shadow on your Victory garden.
Greetings RH,
I'll go with "elephant" for now.
Beth-Ann, the teacher in me says, "Those were all very good ideas, but you need to go back and read Dale's directions all the way through, honey."
Good Morning!
Emerson Lake & Palmer's Lucky Man seems like a good choice for this morning. Friday the 13th has always been very lucky for me, I suppose the left-over good luck from all those having bad luck just comes my way.
I am amazed at how quickly people on the Trial Balloon think in the early morning. It's taken me an hour to come up with the following farm lore...which actually may be good advice if you know chickens especially roosters...
Never walk under a roosting chicken.
A black chicken crossing your path means bad luck.
Do not put shoes on a chicken.
If you spill some salt, throw a chicken over your shoulder.
To break a chicken egg means seven years bad luck.
It is bad luck to put a chicken on a bed.
If you shiver, someone is casting a shadow on your chicken coop.
To refuse a kiss under a roosting chicken causes bad luck.
It is bad luck to chase someone with a chicken.
Oh, and it brings to mind Jim Ed and his chickens....
Good Friday Morning all.....
Warning....I'm whining a bit, but I don't want to ruin anyone's fun this morning..insert smiley face.
I just want to say something about a song played on yesterday's show that I had never heard but I Love the original.....
I get a little disappointed when artists grow to dislike a beautiful song that they created. I feel that songs are like children, created out of Love and while we may tire of some of the demands they bring we will always Love them. I know it was meant to be humorous (and it is, I re-listened to it last night) but I have only seen Neal & Leandra once; at the last morning show, and wondered why they didn’t do Old Love.......now I know.
Just my 2 cents..........post, don't post?
Oh here goes, my opinion's out there, yikes....
Now I'm ready to have a fun Friday!
Kate
Kate...I agree. I love it that John Hartford always (often? I only have a few of his albums) did a version, albeit sometimes very short, of his "Gentle On My Mind" on his albums as tribute to the good fortune it brought him.
Kate, what better day to whine than Friday, the 13? I think it was Kathy who asked for "Mold Love" originally, and then I requested it as well, out of curiosity. I'm surprised Dale played it for us. You'd think he'd have better sense;)
Not to be too specific, but I want to amend one of my (updated) superstitions:
To break an (old) chicken egg means seven years bad luck (or worse).
I've broken ones that are all black inside, rotten and sulfuric or have a fully formed chick that was ready to hatch, but unlucky to have had the hen left the nest with the early hatched ones.
Is there a "luck/bad luck" song by Sonny Terry and Brownie Mcgee...? My memory fails me.
I agree that there's no substitute for Old Love, but I think it's great that Neal and Leandra are able to poke fun at themselves and their wonderful songs. I think they have rewritten lines to several songs ("I've been everywhere, man" immediately comes to mind-- Spanish, Japanese and other versions) . A past Morning Show I think I have on tape also has them singing "Gold Glove" for Kirby Puckett. It's all in fun.
Happy Friday the 13th to all! Like Mark, it tends to be a lucky day for me and it also happens to be my mom's 73rd birthday. A great weekend to all!
I knew it was Friday the 13th when... I got to work and my electronic key was unable to open the door. It went through my head briefly that perhaps I had been fired (I've shared before that I work at the kind of place where firings routinely occur), though I couldn't think for what. Perhaps for streaming The Dale Connelly Show or for not blocking streaming altogether! In any case, I had only worn a hoodie when I left the house this morning, and I only had roughly enough gas to get home at the end of the day, meaning I was required to sit in the cold car waiting for the next person to arrive. Fortunately for me, his electronic key didn't work either, so it was confirmed that we were looking at a system problem. It all worked out in the end, though, and I'm lucky enough to be here at my workstation, making my daily comment to support the blog and the show, and to finally listen to some good tunes.
Blues are always a safe choice when dealing with luck or the absence thereof. Nice job Dale. How about any John Lee Hooker song dealing with luck?
Now, perhaps its just me, but I'm unclear on whether we are to pick one noun to fit all ten sayings, or if we can pick different nouns where applicable.
Oh yay! Wailin' Jennies are my current favorites. although I'm unclear on what the Devil's Paintbrush has to do with the rest of the song. It's still my second favorite, though. Thank you!
Ha ha! Quick thinking. "Key To My Door" was perfect, and who doesn't love Brownie McGhee? ;-)
(This is a bit of a turn back from the "Old Love" discussion - though I agree with Amy from St. Paul on that one - and Elinor, I'm glad you were able to get in from the cold...)
Okay - my response to the wives' tales. Admittedly this is perhaps colored by my very insistent cat (who is fussing at me about getting fed - he's as bad as Barb's goats some days) - but "flaming cat" seems to fit nicely into Dale's list of wives' tales. Oliver is a large cat with more than his share of body fat...bet he'd burn a long time...fortunately for him, I don't believe in burning cats for their offenses - I just make 'em wait for breakfast.
Thanks for all the comments and ideas, everyone.
Kate, I have to offer a word of defense for Neal & Leandra - I wrote the words to "Mold Love", not them, so really I'm the one who's a bit tired of it.
I should have said that when I introduced the recording. They were good sports and played along, and often tell me how well "Mold Love" goes over at their concerts, but that's a setting where they've already played the original and so following it up with a parody probably seems less cynical.
Oh...now that explains it. Thank you for that. That would explain why they didn't play it at the morning show.
I admit I only became aware of the morning show when the Current came on air, so alot of these songs are pretty new to me and Bill has not heard Old Love yet so when I played Mold Love for him last night he got a kick out of it but he undestood how I felt. I guess I need to buy the disk that way he can hear it and I'll get my fill of it.
By the way, that's very impressive that you wrote the lyrics, now I can apprieciate what "Mold Love" really is. You rock!
I think Jasper is having a case of the Friday the 13ths today. Issues?
that's cool that you wrote parody of Old Love, Dale...i reckon there have been some times when i've gotten heartily sick of hearing it---although it's a great song, you know, if you have an old love, or even a middle-aged love...
Donna, you keep making me laugh---with your SoDak remarks---we must be sisters under the skin....yep, no hats until crazy horse is done :-)
oh, yeah, i really want Bob Dylan's Knocking on Heaven's Door on my funeral CD, also.
happy friday, gang---
see a trillion dollars and pick up and all the day you'll have bad luck
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