It's Your Funeral
Posted at 5:20 AM on February 25, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(76 Comments)
As we continue to sort through various wild ideas for previously un-thought of membership gifts, a clarification came in on Monday's blog from Kay, who elaborated on the notion of a disc called "Music To Die For".
I had been thinking of it as something one would buy for oneself as part of funeral planning, so the music you like is available for your funeral/memorial, as a convenience for your family...but i wasn't thinking of it as a membership premium so much as simply a product...you gotta think baby boomers would go for that kind of CD! I've certainly been to enough funerals where they played music i would NOT want to have... ah, well, perhaps it IS morbid of me!
Morbid and fascinating and a bit funny.
We seem to be talking about creating a collection of songs which would make an appropriate musical statement for one's funeral.
A mix tape from the grave, if you will.
The disc would be a planning aid to leave behind for the clueless relatives, who, relying on their own judgment would likely pick something awful.
But then, who is the funeral music for? Shouldn't the people who can still breathe and hear get to have something they like? What do you care if they seal the lid on your coffin to the strains of "Achy Breaky Heart"?
What are some examples of truly terrible funeral music?
And what would be better (and right for the 'Music To Die For' disc)?
On Monday's blog, Kathy mentioned "Into The Mystic" by Van Morrison.
Donna came up with Billy Bragg's "Waiting for the Great Leap Forward".
Kerri suggested Lyle Lovett's "Since the Last Time".
Michelle offers "I Have Had Singing" by Chanticleer.
Cindy had a list: "Send in the Clowns" by Judy Collins. "American Tune" by Paul Simon, and "Into the West" by Annie Lennox.
Are we going for tears, or laughs?
Are we trying to incite Dancing? Keening? Trashing the place?
All of the above?
Comments (76)
Good morning - have been listening to Jasper for a while now - car problems on the mind...
My contribution to the funeral CD would be "Bird on a Wire" by Leonard Cohen. "I have tried in my way to be free." Lordy, how I've tried!
A few years ago, Perla Batalla, one of Leonard's backup singers who now has her own singing and recording career, appeared at UW-River Falls, and sang it for me. That was special!
Merci beaucoups! It's nice to be alive to hear it!
Good Morning...I love this idea of a "music to die for" -- "Let the Mystery Be" by Iris Dement came to my mind at first thought.
A friend once said to me that when she was at a low point in her life, the thought of music and eggs gave her a reason for living. (the eggs...well, that's another discussion)
I slept in and waiting for the computer to come up, missed Bird on the Wire...excellent choice. So many Leonard Cohen songs would be appropriate for my disk. Have to catch it at 11 at work.
Thanks.
Good morning RH,
My it's great to be alive! I'm wondering if this shouldn't be made into a 3-disc set. One for tears, one for laughs, and one for dancing. The dance one could be titled, "Music to Make You Want to Jump out of Your Coffin and Boogie To."
Good Morning! Thanks, Dale for my "Funky" fix this morning -- I like this song more each time I hear it.
I just wanted to put in a word about this "Music to Die For" -- when my mother-in-law died last year from cancer she had the time and tenacity to pick out her own music. She was a fairly religious person, and every song played at her funeral was about love, hope and resurrection. No matter what your spiritual beliefs, everyone came away from that service feeling uplifted from the message she gave all of us. It was a real gift, I believe.
So it may seem weird and morbid, but I can see how choosing music to "send a message from the grave" can be very powerful and comforting to those left grieving.
Your friend, Joanne J
Morning Heartlanders. I'm having to listen from work this morning, but I'm with Donna -- I think it's going to have to be a multiple CD set. I'd like to nominate Swimming to the Other Side by Pat Humphries. Does Jasper have this one in his vast library?
Oh please put this HOG song on one of the discs. It's so fine! Mercy Boo Coo for playing it!!!
my 89 year old Mom, who DOES care what they play as they lower her coffin, has not only selected the music but the people who will perform it. and they, knowing her, sent her a video of them playing and singing the songs (a kind of audition tape i guess) so that she could see and hear how it will be :-)
songs are "Be Still My Soul" and "Beyond the Sunset"
i guess i'd like something a little more upbeat
i did read of a man who had two of his alpacas (i think) be part of the "honor guard" at his funeral. that'd tickle me
stay warm
The McGarrigles did a song on a family album a few years ago and I think it was called "What'll I do"...it's a bit of tear jerker when you think of it being played at a funeral.. Of course, to give perspective to it all, there's always "The Galaxy"!
Good Morning Heartlanders!
Music to Die For; I love it! The first tune that comes to mind is John Prine's "Please Don't Bury Me" which is a great tune and has a funny story for me. It was that perfect first day of spring and a group of friends and I had been practicing inside. We decided that it was criminal to stay indoors on such a day so we picked up the instruments and headed outside.
We set up on a grassy corner and started playing and were just having a great time. We hadn't been paying enough attention and we were playing "Please Don't Bury Me" when the police showed up and told us we had to pack up and find another spot. There were some adult beverages present you see but we think the fact that we were playing that song on the lawn of a funeral home may have also played a role.
I can now see that I'm going to spend the entire morning saying "Oh, yes... that one too!" for the "Music to Die For" CD. I love the Galaxy song... I especially like the Tom Paxton version.
oh, i just love having everyone thinking about this with me!
i think a mix of tears and philosophy and humor would work---it would be like forcing my mourners to listen to RH :-)
seriously, a cd like this would also make a thoughtful gift for someone who is grieving a loss...perhaps with a second cd called music to live for (the optimistic, how to live your life stuff!)?
i definitely need michael johnson's bristlecone pine song and dylan's knocking on heaven's door (and dylan's gotta serve somebody would fit on the music to live for disk?)
that galaxy song always mellows me out--but maybe the anne bolyn song would be a bit too far out?
my father had told me years before he died what his favorite hymns were, and i already knew a lot of his favorite poems (english lit prof,), so when he died, despite the grief, we were able to put together a really lovely mix of song and word that felt like a true tribute to his sensibilities....
you people are so cool--
really fun comments this morning
oh no! the goatherd song! i'm out to the barn :-)
should mention my 89 year old Mom is far from her funeral. her Mom lived to 99 and died just before her 100th (we think to get out of the party)
yodeling my way out to the barn....
okay, can't stop--
yes, dale, a mix tape from the grave--too funny--
would be great to play at the wake or post-funeral gathering...
all right, i'll stop now! except to say i think selling it would bring in good money for RH :-]
The Lonely Goatherd! Oh, that has made my morning! Thanks!
Good Morning RHers,
My intent for Music to Die For would be songs that those in pews would say, "Yeah, that's Grant," like Einstein the Genius or The Sodium Chloride Song. They would say, "There's no doubt who chose that song!"
This is an appropriate topic for today, Ash Wednesday. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
My Funeral Music . . . .
For sometime near the beginning: "Is That All There Is?" - Peggy Lee (always touched me)
For sometime in the middle: "Dust in the Wind" - Kansas (to make everyone depressed ;^) -- performed by my daughter and my sin-in-law (flute and guitar) if they could handle that.
For the end / recessional: "Wonderful World" - Satchmo (to make everyone happy . . . and because I've always loved Satchmo)
Yeah, it sounds like I want to manipulate emotions . . . .
OK, my contribution to the album(s):
"Hell, Yeah" by Neil Diamond. It goes to being missed after having a satisfying life!
"Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles (for a mental image I have from my childhood - whether it really happened or not, who knows - of either a sunrise or sunset at the Parthenon).
"We are the Champions" by Queen (since the ones singing along would have beat me at the ultimate game!)
Since there will be no funeral, just a memorial party with my urn present, I think a soundtrack for the proceedings would be wonderful! Definitely some mellow songs, but most definitely songs to tap your toe to, as well as songs to inspire you to get up and dance. I want my life celebrated when I'm gone. Yes, people will be sad (I hope), but I want the GOOD memories to be the most important ones during that party!
Have a great Wednesday, Heartlanders!
Lindi
I'd choose: "My Soul"- by Peter Mayer. The words give a lot to think about and the music is lovely.
My favorite funeral song is by Gordon Bok, Ann Mayo Muir and Ed Trickett from the album "A Water Over Stone." It's called "Go and Dig My Grave." Some songs you just never tire of; this is one.
I wish I knew what your "theme" of the day was going to be the day before, so I could have time to comment. It's usually at least 9 a.m. before I get a chance to read the blog and comment. (Today I had a minute.) Just a hint the day before would be lovely.
A member since 1980, because of the Morning Show and now Radio Heartland. Thanks!
Good Morning Heartlanders….
Sat night we were listening to American Routes and we heard Deacon John do “Many Rivers To Cross” and I said this would be a great funeral song. And of course St James Infirmary is a given, for me at least.
And I know there are a Tom Waits song or 3 that would work but I can't think of them right now....anyone?
Then there are 2 that I Love for the inspiration for living your life today...Richard Thompson's Take Care The Road You Choose and Dan Wilson's Free Life. OK, I'll stop now.........
The other night on PBS there was a special on Jerome Robbins that included the bottle dance scene from Fiddler on the Roof. Thinking of it this morning, I remembered one of my favorite songs from that musical is "sunrise, sunset" -- but does it fit for the "Music to Die for" cd?
Back to the bottle dance...do you think someone would ever put together a dvd of music/dance scenes from various musicals? Or is it already done, I ask this smart and knowledgeable group.
Music to Live for...another great idea!
One more thought for the Music to Die for cd: "Crossing the Bar" -- the musical setting of Tennyson(?)'s poem.
And then there's Ted Hawkins singing "As long as I can see the light." It's great.
I'd like to have folks leave my funeral with dancing feet, so I'm planning to send them off with "You Can't Take it With You When You Go" by Jez Lowe and the Bad Pennies. I might just jump out for one last dance!
---Boone
I've given this a lot of thought, especially after Paul Wellstone's death when they played "Forever Young" on PHC. Mortality and music had never crossed my mind until then. I second "Wonderful World" and "Please Don't Bury Me". Linda Tillery singing "I'll Fly Away" would be great also. This could be a great Keepers CD set in memory of The Morning Show.
I'm starting to think this group should get together and start a music production company. We already have ideas for Music to Die For, Music to Live By, Heartlander Holidays and now Cynthia's Musical Greats. What else? We're on a roll!
Vangelis - I'll Find My Way Home is another song to consider.
Great Ideas everyone. Dale, Mike, and Jasper - I'd love to hear them all - Bristlecone Pine was wonderful! And, as always, thanks for the Galaxy Song.
Sherrilee has a good idea. as part of our production company, i'd like to suggest adding (with $1000/year contribution) the music to live for/die for cds with an additional gift of a "Food to Die For" cookbook. this idea has been in my head for over 20 years and i never did anything about it. i intended to make it a study of the history - visit little churches in Minnesota wherever the basement ladies were making food for a funeral. i fear that time is gone and i missed my chance. but if you still had the church (or whatever) basement ladies making food for your end of life celebration what would be served as your regional fave? "Calico Beans?" potato chip and mayo sandwiches? egg salad sandwiches, jello and bars? rye bread with cheese whiz and spanish olive slices? lime green, marshmallow cottage cheese surprise?
Don't have time to read all the comments until later today... After I read the blog entry, though, I immediately thought of Champion Jack Dupree and more specifically of a song entitled "Bring Me Flowers While I'm Living". His voice was mournful and beautiful for sure, but the song would serve out, in context, a little guilt from the grave.
I'll buy the DVD of music/dance songs! Be sure to include Singing in the Rain with Gene Kelly.
U2's "One Tree Hill" is a great eulogy song, written as such by Bono for his friend Greg Carroll.
I mentioned this before, but check out the recording of Sullivan Ballou's letter from "The Civil War" soundtrack, with "Ashokan Farewell" playing in the background.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sullivan_Ballou
Oh, and for something to dance to, either/both of Boston's songs "Peace of Mind" and "Gonna Hitch a Ride" are my choices.
Count me in on that production company scheme!
Barb, the Carlton County Historical Society in Cloquet is currently showing a church history exhibit. They have a whole cabinet of church basement cookbooks...and I bet there are still church basement ladies cooking in Mahtowa.
Dale and Mike...brings to mind I haven't heard Joan Morris' Lime Jello Cottage Cheese Surprise since last fall. Food to die for indeed! A cd of appropriate songs to accompany the Food to Die For cookbook.
'A Lark Ascending' by Rafe Vaughn Williams, preceded by a read of the poem
At the funeral home for the visitation of my father we played a video collection of pictures taken during his life. The background music used was "Daddy's Hands". I think my Dad would have liked an Irish jig or two but who knows--We never really talked about it.
p.s. (or dr john's version of "when the saints go marchin' in" from his n'awlinz: dis dat or d'udda album!)
"only way is up" by Yaz.
I haven't thought about what would be played at my own funeral - but the topic reminds me of how my mother has made me promise that "Simple Gifts," the old Quaker melody, would be played at her funeral. It has a lovely message and definitely words to live by as well -- appreciating the seemingly simple things in life -- friends, family, and just the song of a bird in the morning. Since she's not hip to the blog scene, I'll offer that suggestion on her behalf. :)
Great discussion!
I have made my wife aware of my musical requests...
As a prelude I'm hoping the organist can work in the refrains from the Rolling Stones 'Time is on my side'...not the whole song, but just the refrain and a verse or two.
And then Rudy Vallee singing 'There's a Tavern In the Town' just to fill the place with laughter... That should probably be the near the end...
My mother, always the practical one, has made us all aware that THERE IS TO BE NO POTATO SALAD! She's worked enough funerals and "...everyone wants potato salad! Well not for me!"...
Love it!
I would put in a "second" to Elinor's "When the Saints Go Marchin' In." I have already told many friends that they can play whatever they like - with the exception of one particular song (I have promised that I will rise from the grave and smite them all if it gets played...). A New Orleans-style jazz funeral would suit me just fine. And dancing. This is the other 'given" - there will be dancing, which, given my friends and our age, will likely involve a fair amount of slightly embarrassing New Wave 80s music...like "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper. Can you "pogo" with a walker I wonder?...
"Who Will Sing for Me?" John McCutcheon recorded it, I think.
I had hoped to get to work earlier (traffic!) so I could get on line in time to request a dong for Jan and Jerry's 53rd wedding anniversary today. I was thinking of "When You're Next to Me" from A Mighty Wind.
Mornin' All,
Thanks to Barb I'm now thinking about "Funeral Hotdish"-ground beef, cream of mushroom soup, green beans and chowmein noodles on top. Might have to fire up the oven today...
GREAT idea and ideas all!
The McGarrigles did one about kitty come home which I always wanted played at my funeral.
Then I'd like the Unitarian version of the Sibelieus' Finlandia: "This is My Song"
"My country's skies are bluer than the ocean
And sunlight beams on cloverleaf and pine
But other lands have sunlight too, and clover
And skies are everywhere as blue as mine
O hear my song, thou god of all the nations,
A song of pieace for their land and mine."
Thanks everyone - a 3 disc CD will be essential!
On my list is Julie Miller's "All My Tears." (Emmylou Harris covered this gem on "Wrecking Ball.")
"It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away"
p.s. Neal and Leandra's "Old Love" served a touching tribute at my uncle's memorial a couple of years ago.
how about "A Bridge Over Troubled Water" Simon and Garfunkel (sp?)
not sure if appropriate for a funeral or wake, but it's beautiful and inspiring and always my mom and me cry...
One song I'd absolutely have to have at my funeral is "Language of the Heart" as performed by Bok, Trickett, and Muir. I can't think of anything more comforting. It would follow Eva Cassidy's version of Over the Rainbow, which would have moved everyone, including the corpse, to tears. The Piu Jesu movement from Gabriel Faure's Requiem is wonderful in its tenderness and simplicity.
Also required would be funeral music from a New Orleans brass band--dirge going out, dance coming back. Pretty much anything from the Dirty Dozen's "Funeral for a Friend" album would work.
"Wall of Death" Richard Thompson
"The Swimming Song" Loudon Wainright III
And of course (already on the list), "Mary Ellen Carter" Stan Rogers
Nancy's mention of Emmylou Harris made me think of "Timberline" from the album "Ballad of Sally Rose".
How about Ralph Stanley and Gillian Welch singing "O Death" as the ultimate funeral service downer?
After that, you would have to play something more hopeful for balance. A few of my favorites would be:
I’ll Cross Over Jordan/Johnny Cash and June Carter
I Want To Be Ready/Ben Harper (not the same as the Daisy Mayhem song)
They Tell Me/Stoney Lonesome
Beulah Land/Helen Schneyer
I’ll Fly Away/Roy Acuff
Hallelujah, I’m Ready/Ricky Skaggs
One more song to die for and I MUST leave for work: "See That My Grave Is Swept Clean" sung by Geoff Muldaur...Leadbelly's song, isn't it?
Great discussion today...have a good day all!
First time for me here on the Trial Balloon; you fans have been entertaining me with your daily TB visits since Day 1, in addition to the great music pumped out by Jasper. I, too, was mourning the end of the Morning Show (no pun intended), but, really, Radio Heartland “had me at hello.” Keep up the good work.
Some of you fund-raiser type people convinced me in the TB visits to give a little extra $$, over and above Sustaining Membership, in honor of RH. I just did and added my praises for RH.
A lovely song I heard on the Morning Show a few years ago struck me as a thoughtful funeral song is Closer to the Light -Jim & Liz Beloff. Spiritual and yet non-denominational. I thought about it for days.
Gotta play Gulf Coast Highway
And when he dies he says he'll catch some blackbird's wing
And we will fly away to heaven
Come some sweet blue bonnet spring
Wonder if Nanci Griffith would play it for me! Maybe with John Prine....
"Let the Mystery Be" by Iris Dement
Kerstin, I love the idea of "Simple Gifts" for my funeral also...and "Lord of the Dance" by Bill Crowfoot and (can't think of the other singer's name). Gorgeous piece.
The list no doubt will continue as the 11 am repeat begins...are we up to a 5 disk collection yet?
A co-worker suggests "Anything by the Grateful Dead"
I best quit now.
Ps, Jon Gordon, keep listening, Dale and Mike played it this morning.
How about "Hallelujah, the Great Storm Is Over" bu Bob Franke? I believe John McCutcheon sang it at his mother's funeral. Another good Bob Franke song is "Thanksgiving Eve." Hey Dale, how about a Bob Franke segment some day?
My husband passed away 5 years ago.. he was 38 years old. We had U2's Beautiful Day played as the final song....
As for me.... on a ranch adventure last year, we had a banjo player with us. After the day was over, He set his electonics up, and we had this sing-along. Actually, everynight was a sing along...
As long as it is not played like a dirge, I would love to have "I'll fly Away"... with banjos at full speed..
I want folks dancing... bopping.
Then probably that late '70's song...'CELEBRATION"
I have two requests for my own memorial service, (I don't imagine a funeral, as such) should friends and family wish to gather at some point after I'm gone. One is Toronto Tabla Ensemble's version of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" from the Ninth Symphony. It's wonderful, and it so redefines both Beethoven and notions of how one should feel, remembering another, that I cannot resist that request.
The secocd, perhaps as background while people sip red or white wine (scotch anyone?), nibble or eat more robustly (it's up to those who would attend) I'd want a sound track of the song of the white throat on for a while, so evocative a whistle, so predictable a return to these northlands every spring. (I heard the first one of the season today, but they can still be heard in May, before the last one heads, one assumes, to mate and nest further north). For me they always recall Wallace Stevens gentle rebuke in "Sunday Morning": "There is not any haunt of prophecy.....that has endured/ As April's green endures; or will endure/ Like her remembrance of awakened birds,/ Or her desire for June and evening, tipped/ By the consummation of the swallow's wings." I will be gone, gone, gone; green will return, as will the song of the white throat sparrow.
Jimck - I LOVE that poem "Sunday Morning" - I've often read it on Sunday mornings, myself!
jimck, I am so SO jealous you have the White Throats back and singing already. I have to wait another month--at least! But I do have the spring Chickadee song assuring me that spring indeed is not long to arrive.
Hey ho,
Joining the conversation late, but want to request the incredibly haunting
SAILING DOWN MY GOLDEN RIVER by Pete Seger, sung by Greg Brown.
...Sunlight glancing on the water
Life and death are all my own
And I was never alone.
I have always wanted the Roches to sing the "Hallelujah Chorus" at my funeral. Also for short and sweet and a bit sappy "The End" is nice. It comes at the end of the medly on side 2 of the Beatles' Abbey Road. "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
Singing in a church choir, funeral selections come up very frequently at rehearsal ("if I die on the way home tonight, sing this at my funeral!"). Topping the list for me, among others, would be Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah," almost anything from Rutter's Requiem, Mozart's "Laudate Dominum" or "Ave Verum" and Faure's "Cantique de Jean Racine." Too many more to list. And good hymns with four-part harmony. Great topic.
How excellent is a playlist that allows me to sing along with "500 Robots" followed by Mary Martin and goatherding? Fabulous.
Thank you, Dale!
Cynthia (another one)
Darcy -- at the funeral of my best friend's mother a couple of years ago, they had a Hallelujah Chorus sing-along. Passed out the score for us and everything! Fabulous send off for a life-long choir member! Thanks for the memory.
Sherrilee, I love that idea! Well, if my loved ones can't persuade the Roches to come, a sing-along it is! I, too am a choir lifer and I never get tired of Messiah Sing Ins!
Another suggestion from a co-worker: "When I die...and when I die, there'll be another child born to carry on..." The two of us being of a certain age, remember it as a Blood Sweat and Tears, but isn't it a Billie Holiday classic that I've heard on the Morning Show/Radio Heartland?
Too many great ideas....they'll have to set aside the whole day to celebrate me. I love the sing-along Hallalujah chorus. I've always thought it would make a great dance opportunity as well.
In my haste to post earlier I completely forgot about "Now Let the Weeping Cease" from "The Gospel at Colonus." Follow that with something completely carefree from New Orleans or Ireland, both places where they understand that funerals are about both mourning and celebration. Great Big Sea's "The Night Pat Murphy Died" comes to mind.
thanks! the laura nyro song i was trying to remember the other day was And When I Die.....
let's be sure there's a bit of neal young (one of his sweet songs, and maybe something boot-stompin off Tonight's the NIght), and i wouldn't mind a short piece by tallis scholars (medieval british choral music)....
love that old Kansas song dust in the wind, too---a memorial singalong sounds perfect, and providing lyrics/music would be helpful in that regard.
I heard this song on the BBC show "Late Junction" last week. Susanna and The Magical Orchestra: When I am Laid in Earth (Purcell)
I had to listen to it several times.
I hate to introduce a semi-somber note into this "spirit" -ed discussion, but I had always planned for Bill Holm to play Bach's Goldberg variations at my funeral on the harpsichord he built himself, sticky keys, God Damn!'s and all. Now Bill has died and left me on my own. Bill's own music for taming death was Haydn. The sonatas. The old fellow must have caught Bill while he was out of reach of a keyboard.
Yesterday Lora and I discussed serious funeral music and we both would like, How Can I Keep From Singing? If you OK this one Dale, please pick the singers for us. Until now, the only other song I'd thought about really wanting was the Prairie Sun song. I still want that one most.
Sorry I missed this topic last week, but I wanted to come back and put in my $.02. On my list are Ashokan Farewell, Simple Gifts and I'll Fly Away. I'll also have a collection of cowboy songs from Sons of the Pioneers, Riders in the Sky and Wylie and the Wild West as I ride off into the sunset: Riding Down the Canyon, Empty Saddles in the Old Corral, Ghost Riders in the Sky, Don't Fence Me In, you get the idea. You all posted so many good suggestions, though, I may have to add a few more.
Dale, if you haven't heard of Wylie (Gustafson) and the Wild West, you might like to look him up. He's a yodeling rancher/cowboy whose claim to fame is the Yahoo! yodel. We heard him at the State Fair a few years ago, attended a concert in Red Wing, and he was on PHC once from Seattle. He sings cowboy traditionals and a few from other country artists, has a very mellow voice.
I'm totally down with "Simple Gifts," and "Let the Mystery Be" (Iris Dement), as some has suggested. Also "Queen of the Silver Dollar" by Emmylou Harris, "Taking the Long Way" by Dixie Chicks, and anything played by Natalie McMaster to wrap it up and send my spirit soaring on frantic fiddle music up and out to the great Beyond.
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