The Apprentice
Posted at 5:15 AM on February 26, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(23 Comments)
This was on my desk this morning, still a little wrinkled from being stuffed in the backpack of perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden:
Mr. Connelly,
Maybe you heard the president the other night?
Our civics teacher, Mrs. Pandering, made us write down part of his speech ten times because some people in the class (not me) were being obnoxious on Wednesday.
It kinda got to me. The speech, I mean. Here's what he said.
I ask every American to commit to at least one year or more of higher education or career training. This can be a community college or a four-year school, vocational training or an apprenticeship. But whatever the training may be, every American will need to get more than a high school diploma.
And dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself; it's quitting on your country. And this country needs and values the talents of every American.
All our teachers really liked this part of his speech but it kinda gave me the creeps, 'cause I've been trying to get out of high school for, like, the last 20 years and they keep holding me back 'cause they say I'm, like, the "poster boy for the campaign against social promotion."
They keep saying that every year and I don't get it, 'cause there are never any actual posters!
When I ask them to make me a junior (finally), they tell me I have to do my homework this year. But I did my homework in 1989! I might have been a little late handing it in, some of it. And some of it was a little messy. And parts got lost, or chewed up, or just fell apart from, you know, age. But that doesn't mean I didn't do it, and it kinda irks me to have to do it again. So we kinda have a standoff going.
And now the president says if I ever do get out of Wendell Wilkie High, I'll have to keep on going to school for at least one more year or I'll be, like, a hateful anti-American traitor, like Benedict Arnold Palmer or something.
I know one year doesn't sound like a lot to you, but to me, it's like forever.
At least that's how long my sophomore year has been so far.
And now Mrs. Pandering wants everyone to write an essay about what they would study for their one year after-high school learning, and where they would go to learn it. I can't think of anything that's simple enough so you can get it in one year. That's why I'm writing to you. Isn't being a disc jockey pretty much a no-brain kinda job? Can I tell Mrs. Pandering I would be your apprentice? It would keep her happy and you wouldn't really have to do it, probably.
Besides, they're never gonna let me out of here.
Sincerely,
Bubby Spamden
I'm not sure I'm ready for an apprentice.
Does anyone have a good alternate suggestion for what Bubby can do to further his education and polish his skills if he ever gets out of Wilkie High ?
Your personal experience counts. Write neatly.
Comments (23)
Bubby, don't waste all those years at one of the fine local institutions - try a mail order deal like Degrees R Us (all my goats did) and get it done in less than a year even! i think, with your talents, a doctorate in ethics is the way you want to go.
Dale,
I think I have an idea for Bubby.....
When I worked at a children's hospital Ronald McDonald would occasionally visit. The kids loved him even tho he didn't bring burgers or any other merchandise. He did simple tricks, made funny noises, etc.
Now I would never suggest this role for Bubby, but there is an associated option. On one visit "Ronald"was accompanied by another gentleman. It turns out that this was a new clown and the man with him was the Ronald McDonald trainer. I think this would be an ideal role for Bubby.
I don't know the full career path from Wendell Wilkie to RM trainer, but I suggest that Bubby ask the guidance counselor for an application to the Hamburger College
Hi Bubby,
Consider Elem. Ed. Once you have your degree, you'll be quickly hired for your gender - the only males in my building are the gym teacher and custodians. Kids will love you because you'll be so much like them, and as long as you stick with 2nd grade or under, you'll be able to handle the math. Trust me.
Barb - it does not surprise me at all that your goats have been schooled!
Good morning, all! It's another one of those days beginning with "emergencies".
Tell Bubby that, if his goal is to generally avoid too much work or the requirement to continue his education throughout the whole of his career, he should avoid becoming a network engineer or Unix systems administrator!
Good Morning!
I think it's a good start that Bubby doesn't want to model his life after that famous trader golfer. Perhaps he could become an apprentice greeter at one of the big box stores. They usually have a couple hour training session and for Bubby that could easily be stretched to a year or more.
Years ago my boss hired an assistant for me who had an Etch-A-Sketch brain. Every time I explained something to him and he nodded to indicate he understood he erased everything. He had a tough life heading towards him but for him every day was a new day.
Now what was I saying?...
"Unsquare Dance" was absolutely fantastic!! I never heard this version and it's a new "keeper".
Happy 100th Birthday, Fast Eddie!! Happy Dancing!
I think Bubby should try farm work. Maybe Barb could use some help with her goats. I supose farm work might be a little much for Bubby, but he could give it a try. As a supporter of sustainable agriculture I believe we need more farmers.
I don't think he should try grade school teaching. I am a substitute teacher and I am afraid grade school kids would be more work than Bubby wants.
I have trouble getting them under control and I don't know how grade school teachers do it day after day. It isn't an easy job.
good chuckles - thanks
Dale, could you please play Robin and Linda Williams' "Man is tinder, woman is fire...." for no particular reason than i like it.
if you play it today please wait til i'm back in from the barn? (after 8) thanks
a story about education: my friend and her 6 year old daughter were at the grocery store talking about what the little girl wanted to be when she grew up. she said she wanted to be a veterinarian and how long would that take in school? my friend said she thought about six years. the little girl (thinking, at 6 years old, that this was her whole lifetime) then asked how long it took to be a grocery checkout person?
i'm outta here - they're yelling at me
First of all, Bubby shouldn't sweat this assignment too much, because tomorrow is going to be like, you know, a snow day, and by Monday, the teacher will have forgotten all about it.
But just in case, I think he should consider apprenticing as a salesman at the Sherpa dealership.
I'm thinking there isn't much to do there.
I don't think Bubby should tackle grade school kids until he has done his year's training at Barb in Blackhoof's Goat Herd Training Academy. I've herded goats and I've herded grade school children...I think the counter training will serve him well whichever direction (continue with goats or try teaching children) he decides to go after "graduation"
Good Morning Heartlanders:
It's good to hear from Bubby Spamden again. I wasn't aware of that particular Obama speech but it's a wonderful idea -- echoes of JFK's speech ... "ask not what your country can do for you" ... etc.
Perhaps a Collections person would fit Bubby -- that's about the only job I see listed in the local rag. As long as you can fake being courteous and be persistent enough to wring money out of folks, that's an option. I was almost tempted to apply for it myself, but it's just too distasteful for me (no offense to those who are in this evil, but necessary profession).
If Bubby is good with his hands, a career as a mechanic of some type is a good choice for those with a more kinesthetic learning style.
Best of luck to you, Bubby.
Bubby seems to have problem I've seen in quite a few of the young people I know through my daughter. They feel pressured to finish high school, then head off to college, get a degree and then go on to work in a totally unrelated field. Not what they are thinking as they are sitting in the classroom at WWHS.
Bubby should take it one step at a time. Yes, he'll have to work hard and get the NEAT homework turned in on time and get that high school diploma. Then he should look at the possibility of some alternative education, such as a technical school. College just may not be his thing. It wasn't mine 25 years ago, and it is a choice that has allowed me to develop my own career path, and seek the education I want and need.
Don't think of the call for further education as a sentence to perpetual schooling. Think of it as a call to improve oneself, one step at a time. Bubby should approach just the thought of becoming a Junior. That should be the goal for now. Then he can work towards being a Senior, and then on to post-secondary school. But just get that first year over with, and become a Junior!
I wish Bubby and the others out there like him all the best. My daughter is now thinking in earnest about going back to school, with a more vocational aspect to her education, although she will be pursuing a degree. It will come through eventually. It just needs to be taken one step at a time.
This comment is serious. We have an occupational skills program at Ridgewater College--a state community and college in Willmar, MN. The program helps special needs students learn living skills and includes an internships in the community. Class currirulum includes learning about safety, nutrician, job skills, resumes, and other basic skills. At the end of the year, students with the diploma can get a job in a community. Programs like these show that an extra year of education is available for everyone.
Buddy,
In years past, I would have suggested that you aspire to be the President of the United States. Our new Fearless Leader, however, has reset the standard with his refreshing intellect. I originally thought of this career path for you because your letter indicates that you are loyal, “no Benedict Arnold Palmer”, you have strong convictions, even though they may be a bit flawed, and education seems to be low on your list of priorities. I am glad to say that education is no longer equivalent to one of those four letter words that cannot be said on radio or television but I still think that you should go into politics. If you find the right mentor, you could go far.
I think I know Bubby's problem. For years now Bubby has been hunting Gloria (apparantly another perreniel sophmore) between classes to copy her homework. I was a HS teacher for 30 years and I know that some clueless students often hunt down other clueless students for help probably because they feel a certain level of comfort and understanding.
To Bubby, a year of educational improvement will have to be to become a Junior. Maybe he could get help from Kathy, a perenniel Junior.
I think Bubby should consider a year as a apprentice retiree. The lessons he is learning in high school will prepare him well for this challenge, enhancing his sleeping habits and developing the short attention span which is the hallmark of the successful retiree. Believe me, there's a future in this.
Oh Bubby
Stay in high school. Why do you want to leave? You have heard the news and probably listen to MPR. Being in high school may not be as stressful as the real world. Go to class, smile and be thankful you have not invested in the stock market.
Bubby,
You should stay where you are. Your life is a continuing consolation to all those you ever meet who, in their most disappointed hours, can say to themselves "hey, at least I'm not Bubby Spamden."
I'm glad someone suggested the goat herder apprenticeship. It sounds like it will be a good, active thing for Bubby to do. But maybe too challenging. I saw a bright green truck in my neighborhood last week for a company that does dog yard pick up for the people who don't want to do it themselves. Bubby'll need to drive, but I would imagine he can manage the rest....
On a completely unrelated note, can we get some Ann Reed on tomorrow, Dale? Thanks!
Bubby,
I have to agree with Cynthia...
I don't think Bubby should tackle grade school kids until he has done his year's training at Barb in Blackhoof's Goat Herd Training Academy. I've herded goats and I've herded grade school children...
But, rather than herding goats, Maybe Barb would be willing to train you in Herding Cats... it is an acquired skill... and you could work up from there!
Mark, the "etch-a-sketch brain" comment made me smile. I know people like that; and maybe they're the happy ones. ".....for him every day was a new day."
so nice to "hear" jim ed's voice
the part i miss most about the old show is your political commentary through all the wonderful characters
i know several have written in to your new show, do you think larry will ever contact us? love to know what genway is doing to prosper in the recession
"Etch-a-sketch" brain man definitely belongs on his very own Heartland mug. I suppose Bubby could join him - but what does he really look like?
Loved the "Annie" song by Autobody Experience!
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