Vetting Continues
Posted at 4:41 AM on January 15, 2009
by Dale Connelly
(33 Comments)
Behind the scenes, a struggle is underway to determine which sort of dog gets the nod in the Obama White House - Portugese Water Dog or Labradoodle.
While no specific animals have been named, one must assume the highly disciplined transition vetting team has already placed a couple of potential appointees on the stainless steel table for a good once-over.
With such a high profile position, no question is out-of-bounds:
Do you shed?
Can you produce references to vouch for your coat?
Will you submit to a vigorous brushing?
Have you ever bitten anyone?
Is there anyone who might falsely accuse you of having bitten them?
Will you provide a saliva sample and a certified mouth print for our files?
Have you ever destroyed a piece of furniture?
Was it upholstered?
Was it historic?
Can you name something it is "wrong" to do on indoor carpeting?
What made you think of that example?
Do you consider yourself to be territorial?
How do you show an area or person is inside your "sphere of influence"?
Suppose you meet two foreign guests at a state dinner.
One smells like Camembert and baguettes, the other like raw meat, plutonium and vodka.
Would you show a clear preference for one over the other? How?
You are asleep under the desk.
People with stopwatches bustle in to set up some bright lights. Then your Alpha appears, sits at the desk and begins speaking in even, measured tones towards a TV camera.
You feel overlooked. How would you get his attention?
Bark
Lick his ankle
Play tug-o-war with his socks. While he is wearing them.
Lick yourself. Loudly.
A large, loud machine with whirring propellers lands on your lawn.
Do you ...
Fetch?
Play?
Heel?
Attack?
Do you have, or have you ever had, a problem with submissive urination when guests appear?
Are you intimidated by people in uniform?
Do you feel compelled to poke your nose underneath flowing robes?
Your Alpha tells you to go sit in the corner, but the room is oval shaped.
How do you respond?
Any other questions for a potential Obama dog?
Any questions you wish your pet had been asked before being confirmed as a member of your family?
Comments (33)
And remember folks, dogs are people too! :-)
Can you distinguish between the supporters and the loyal opposition of your Alpha? If so, how can you let your Alpha know which is which?
That's and impressive listing, Dale, but there is no end to the questions that it might be good to ask. The Obamas may have a fairly large budget to pay vet bills, but I don't. I would ask a dog if there would be a need for dog medical insurance. Also, a question about controlling inapropiate barking would be good. Yes, dogs do seem to be people, a "special" kind of people.
"You decide your Alpha just isn't up to the job. Do you simply take over, or do you ask for a general election?"
At my house there was no election, dogs and cat just took over!
Morning Heartlanders!
Do the upholstered legs of overstuffed chairs arouse you? (Not you Dale, the dog.)
My dog, Jacques Brel, has a question for you. It's his Alpha's (my) birthday today and wonders if you would play something for her. He is especially fond of music by his namesake and so is she...but he also knows you have an uncanny ability to always pick just the right song. He told me to say thanks!
And I thank you as well.
Good Morning!
I have to assume your first question already came up since neither of those breeds shed. They are also both likely to be good swimmers so a question about their water skills might be good to ask.
Perhaps we can bring Count Basie into the mix this morning with Doggin' Around?
How will the winning doggie be notified? "Hey. What's Up?"
When YOU think it's time to get up in the morning and have breakfast, how do you wake your alpha -- jumping up on the bed in the middle of his back or stomach? chewing on something important until his subconscious hears you? Vocalize until the kids wake and feed you?
Thanks for the list, Dale. Really made me grin before I tackle layering and huddling, waiting for the car to warm enough to drive. But, the daylight levels are improving!!!
Dale, your questions are so clever - i hesitate to add anything. but i'll add my least favorite job interview question:
"If you could be any (let's say) animal, what would that be and why?"
thanks for the the great music
barb in Blackhoof Twp. near Barnum
no herd dogs
goats won't herd
Dale, do you remember a song called 'Old Blue'? I think this also was a 'first dog', in the more typical use of the phrase. Old Blue ended up sharing sleeping space with his owner, I believe
Maybe the Obama's need to ask if the potential First Dog is afraid to sleep alone? If so, a Bowser Bed might just be the answer.
This seems like a perfect oportunity to play Patti Page's How Much is that Doggie in the Window.
Do you have it, do you have it...huh,huh,huh???
(doggie panting & excited)
And of course there's the classic interview question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" which could be particularly important in this case.
When I think about it, I wonder why there aren't any herding dogs on the short list since they are so good at (community...) organizing. When I got my first Border Collie, I fell asleep on the couch one day and when I woke up, every toy in the house was either on my chest or the floor just below.
Not sure if you would have it in your library, but "You're a Hard Dog To Keep Under the Porch" by Gail Davies comes to mind.
Slieve Galleon Braes (which includes but is not specifically about a dog) sung by Dolores Keane comes to mind. In any case, I don't think we have heard Dolores Keane in a while. :-)
How good is your breed at unconditional love?
(No matter what Republicans/press/polls/stupids may say about your Alpha.)
Isn't there a puppy belly dance song or something like that?
Dale and Mike,
Thanks for the Procul Harum! I just missed it. Got to work, booted up, and then accidentally clicked to listen to The Current instead of RH. It took me a while to figure out that what was playing wasn't on the RH playlist. Will listen to the re-broadcast.
Also, I'm glad to've been hearing Otis Spann!!
Personally, I would like to see somthing with more "girth", Maybe a Newfoundland, or a Norwegian Elkhound. Vote for change, no more wimpy dogs in the whitehouse!
How about a rescue dog in the White House? Kind of symbolic.....
I like the idea of the first dog being able to connect with cultures from around the world; hulu dancing, the baguette fetch, eating sushi, wearing silly hats from around the world. Think of the boon it would be for international relations! A labradoodle in leder hosen could have speed up armistice negotiations for WWI. It would free politicians from attending state dinners, they could just send their dog. It would also cut down the catering bill for state dinners
Dancing 'Round the Sun by Rodney Crowell was great! Thanks to Jennifer for the request and to Dale for playing it.
Thanks for the comments, everyone.
Linda, I don't know anything about Gail Davies, but some information I found online makes it sound like we ought to have her music in our library.
And yes, Amy, there IS a Puppy Belly Dance.
Echoes of (Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus).
I'll try to work that in.
an issue dear to my heart----Yes, a rescue dog---that WOULD set a good example for our nation (which euthanizes millions of pets a year---sorry for the shot of doom/gloom reality)
Neal Young! has a great dog song on his harvest moon record....
Thanks Dale, I feel warmer now! Nothing like a wild puppy dance to warm you up!
Great show today Dale & Mike.
I've been traveling for the last week & missed it. Its good to get back. Now I have to get ready to take my dogs outside & Baby, Its Cold Outside.
BTW- How about some James Hunter song in the next day or two, something from the People Gonna Talk album?
Hi Dale,
The choice of First Dog is an important one. As you know, we have an ongoing relationship with two dogs, Henry and Buster, who have their own podcast and try to answer listener questions as well as give good advice. Well, okay, they try anyway.
www.henryand buster.com
Thanks, Dale - the show sounds great!
Ann
I sure can picture the "interviews" with the potential first dogs! Sure wish we could HEAR it. Of course, it brings Sparky to mind. Sigh.
It sure was great to get the call from Mike Pengra last night and, after reading yesterday's blog, I was sure glad I answered the phone. Thanks for the tickets to the Dakota Sunday night. We are looking forward to a night out.
just listening to the replay, thanx for Procol Harum! that is a really good album, which i probably have on vinyl somewhere in my 60's record collection in the basement
hope to hear more from it someday
Didn't think about it until later, but it would have been nice to hear "Dixie the Tiny Dog" by Peter Himmelan.
The Neil Young song on Harvest Moon is called "Old King." I love that song!
I have had a lot of experience with puppies and this question comes to mind (stop reading now if you have a queazy stomach):
When you find your own poop frozen on the lawn, should you let your alpha or the White House Staff pick it up, or should you consider it transformed into a poopsicle and snack on it?
77 Sunset strip was great with Cooky Burns and the other gang of Detectives. Also it's spin off Hawiian Eye! That was don't miss TV ala 1959--63.
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