Trial Balloon

Trial Balloon: January 13, 2009 Archive


Posted at 5:03 AM on January 13, 2009 by Dale Connelly (37 Comments)

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But your smile is so delightful
And since we've no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Such a happy little song about supposedly "bad" winter conditions. But here in the frost belt we know there is no such thing as "good" or "bad" when it comes to the climate. The weather is the weather. A cheerful song can't give the sky special permission to release snow, nor should it.
Bemidji and Thief River Falls hit -31 overnight. It was -26 in Fargo-Moorhead, and
-12 in the Twin Cities.
On a day like today, a song could make itself useful by reminding you of the real peril of deep cold, or by offering a solution, or at least by saying something more meaningful than "Let it Snow."
That's the sort of lyrical puzzle that rattles around inside a guy's head when he's outside at 9 pm, chipping away at that mound of ice the municipal plow deposited at the end of his driveway.

Oh the weather out here is brutal
I'm afraid your birthday suit'll
Be inadequate underwear.
Please beware, cover your derriere.

Oh the weather outside will chill ya,
In a minute, it could kill ya.
Don't go out with those parts exposed.
Layer clothes, layer clothes, layer clothes.

Oh the weather outside is nasty.
It'll frost your rhinoplasty.
Those extremities can't go bare
In the air, in the air, in the air.

Oh the weather out here is frigid
It's so cold my breath is rigid.
Exclamations freeze in my mouth,
Let's go south! Let's go south! Let's go south!

So ... how do you cope with the deep cold?

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