The best spot in the theater

I am back at work. I'm not sure how I'll fit in 40 hours a week, a kid and movies. 3-month old B rebelled against moviegoing a few weeks ago. She had been to see Bertolucci's "The Conformist," Sarah Silverman, "Pride and Prejudice" and "Brokeback Mountain" among other films, but she laid down the law at "Rumor Has It." We left twenty minutes in (B spent those twenty minutes in the lobby howling in her father's arms.) Maybe the kid's just high-minded: Jean-Louis Trintignant - fine. Jennifer Aniston - turn red-faced and scream.

I have managed to see a couple of movies this week. In one, the only seat left was one on the very edge of the theater, but at least I was in the middle. I would leave a movie before I would sit in the first couple of rows. I am always amazed at people who CHOOSE to sit in the first couple of rows. B's dad and I used to sit separately at movies. He wanted to be near the front so the image completely overwhelmed him. Doing that left me with neck strain and if it was a subtitled picture... I was practically seasick at the end of the night. I like to sit near the back so I can take in the whole picture without moving my head from side to side.

People thought we were insane to go to a movie and not sit together. I guess we must have agreed because we've gravitated toward a compromise near the middle of the theater for the last decade and take in movies together. Except, of course, when one of us is now pacing at the back of the theater with an Aniston-loathing infant in our arms.

Why do people bring infants to the movies? I find it VERY inconsiderate to the rest of the audience when someone brings their baby and it starts to cry. I love babies, but theaters and babies go together like pit bulls and... anything. Or babies and opera. Same thing.

Please stay away from my baby. I wouldn't want her to be eviscerated! People go to movies with babies, not because you really can't stand to be away from the kid for two hours, but because you can't leave em at home alone. And I can't live without movies.

For the first few months, put the kid in the dark and she was out like a light. She never cried. It was fine. Now, no longer the case. She won't be going. I wish she had an on/off switch.

As I said, I LOVE babies, just NOT in the movie theater. I can't live without movies, either. As a matter of fact, I'm considering going back to college to study film. So when I go to a movie theater, I expect to enjoy an uninterrupted film, even if it stinks. I used to work at a movie theater years ago, and I had to play 'bad cop' to anyone who disrupted the audience. It was the part of the job I enjoyed least, and that includes cleaning up after sold out shows on Saturday nights. It's just common courtesy to leave the babies at home. Find a sitter. That's all we single movie patrons ask. I think it's only fair.

I don't want to even ponder cleaning up a theater after a Saturday night show! Then again, I never thought I would get used to changing diapers either.