Birth of a movie-goer

I have a new goal when I see movies now: choose a theater and a time when as few others as possible will be in the audience. I'm on maternity leave right now and I want to take my baby to the movies, but I am wary of annoying the other filmgoers around me.

I remember growing up that one of the pre-movie admonishments was "crying babies should be taken to the lobby." Now, the need to remind adults to keep their mouths shut and cell phones off has taken precedence. But it's not just that adults are so yappy, it's also because no one seems to dare to bring infants to the theater (although they do feel free to bring five year olds to R-rated movies.)

Her father and I chose "The Squid and the Whale" a quiet, short film as B's introduction to celluloid. I think a noisy war film like "Jarhead" would be too jarring for two week old ears. We hid ourselves in the balcony of the Uptown theater which has a handy lobby nearby in case I needed to make a run for it with a squalling kid. But I didn't foresee another problem; quiet scenes about people discussing infidelity meant that B's slurping and smacking lips were much louder than I had figured. Luckily, not many people were interested in seeing a smart, painful and truthful film about marriage and the pains of teenage life.

Another thing I didn't expect: while my daughter contented herself by sucking on my index finger while curled into a comma on my lap, seeing a movie about a child who misinterprets his mother's actions and blames her for his miseries was a little frightening. Who will B become in sixteen years? Will she loathe me? Maybe such a tough and moving film about parenthood and marriage wasn't the best film for a new parent to see.