I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

Posted at 1:01 PM on October 15, 2007 by Bob Collins (1 Comments)

"Dick Cheney’s fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into The New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann’s skull.” --Stephen Colbert

Maureen Dowd at the New York Times must have had something to do. She turned over her column to Stephen Colbert yesterday. Perhaps she should make it a regular occurrence.

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you — if you have a TV show.

Oh, by the way, do the New York Times editors fact-check the opinion page? If not, how does one explain the opening sentence of Verlyn Klinkenborg's column today? Especially egregious since Klinkenborg once taught in Minnesota without apparently knowing where he was.

Comments (1)

That article was remarkable for NOT mentioning that the time for mentioning forks is long past in the current events of this Nation...By all accounts, Al Franken will replace Norm Coleman in the US Senate, and strengthen the old 'steak knife' approach to FINALLY solving this 'Iraq as Quagmire' fixation of , uh, prezidunt , uh, Bush...And Colbert really ought to realize that the only reason we are going to be ALLOWED to have a Federal Election next year is that the republikanz need other people to blame the , er, uh, 'quagmire' on...I mean it's as simple as making a whipped cream and baloney sandwich with a spoon !

Posted by Daniel Wargo | October 16, 2007 11:39 AM

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