Andy Cook's biggest save

Posted at 2:38 PM on February 1, 2012 by Bob Collins (22 Comments)
Filed under: Health

"From the time I was three," Andy Cook says, "my ambition was to be an NHL goalie."

Cook isn't going to to be an NHL goalie, which might be the best thing that ever happened to a lot of other people. Today, he did something more courageous than standing in front of a black piece of rubber heading for him at more than 100 mph: He told his story about the mental illness that derailed his career, even though he's not entirely sure how it'll be received. It has a message he wants others to hear.

His career track was on schedule after high school when he was named starting goalie as a freshman at Colby College in Maine. Suddenly, one January day, he was virtually unable to leave his dorm room, and he wasn't sure why. His goalie play suffered.

"I thought maybe I was homesick so I left and transferred to St. John's to be closer to home," he said today. His mind was turning on him but he didn't consider the possibility of a mental illness. How could it be? He was an athlete and he was a "straight A" student. "I know now that all of these things (anxiety and depression going back to high school days) were connected, but at the time I just figured these are the things were part of being me."

After one year in Minnesota, he returned to Colby and his hockey coach took him back. His play didn't improve and in his senior year, he quit hockey. The dream was finished.

He graduated in 2009 with a degree in political science and returned to Minnesota to work in the communications office at the House Republican Caucus. He worked hard, he said, and masked the struggle from colleagues. "I had no hope," he said. "I couldn't see how anything could get any better."

He never contemplated taking his own life, although he acknowledges being in a high-rise office with large glass windows once when "this thought popped into my head that I could jump through the window and that would be it," he said. "That's when I knew this was not normal."

He sought help when "I was walking down a hallway in the State Office Building and this wave hit me and I said, 'I cannot do this forever.'" He went outside, called his mother, and found a therapist who specialized in athletes.

That's when he began to understand that people like him can have a mental illness. "Having someone tell me, 'you're not going to lose the things about you that you like,' was really important," he said. "And I realized this is a physiological illness."

He was diagnosed with mild depression and an anxiety disorder. The therapy that he initially thought wouldn't work, worked. Medication followed and has made a difference.

Cook worked up the strength to confront the stigma of mental illness and tell his boss, "and he said 'all we're interested in is you getting better,'" he said.

"We think of people who have cancer as being courageous, and they are," he said. "But the person who is suffering from depression and can't get out of bed in the morning, but they pull themselves up and they go off to work, they're courageous, too."

With plenty of help from others, Cook has pulled himself back. He's working in the development department at Regions Hospital, competing in triathlons, coaching the goalies on the Cretin Derham girl's hockey team, volunteering at his hospital's mental health unit, and also helping in the planning of Region's mental health facility, which will open in December.

"You can see it rising up as you drive in on I-94," he said. "It's a big building and that's a statement that means a lot."

He's also not worrying about the future. "I have no idea what the future will bring," he says, acknowledging that he often did. "I just want to make the most of it."

A few weeks ago, Sue Abderholden of the National Alliance on Mental Illness Minnesota spoke to a group where Cook works. "She was giving her presentation on the barriers caused by stigma and what we can do to overcome it," he said. "And she said we need to tell our stories."

That's when Cook decided to "pay it forward for all of the people who helped me" and tell the story of his personal struggle. "You don't have to be in such an acute condition to go get help. It's not any different than any other illness."

And you'll still have the things about you that you like.

---

Comments (22)

bravo

Posted by Bonnie | February 1, 2012 2:54 PM

---

:)

Posted by allie | February 1, 2012 4:42 PM

---

Thanks for your courage, Andy!

Posted by Rachel | February 1, 2012 5:02 PM

---

Thanks, Andy (and Tom)! I am happy you sought help for your illness and are helping others do so by telling your story. Blessings.

Posted by DanA | February 1, 2012 5:16 PM

---

Well done Andy! Keep telling your story any time you can.

Posted by Mrs. News Cut | February 1, 2012 5:38 PM

---

I could say that anybody who is willing to stand in front of a puck going 100 miles an hour is obviously crazy,

and I bet Mr. Cook would laugh.

Kudos to him for displaying his characteristic courage and facing this challenge, as well as for having the compassion and wisdom to help others in the same boat.

Posted by Jim Shapiro | February 1, 2012 6:02 PM

---

Thank you for sharing this story....True courage in its finest form.

Posted by Lily | February 1, 2012 8:21 PM

---

Good for Andy! Well done and courageous indeed!!

Personally, I have hesitations about the prescription of psyche meds and those who prescribe them. It appears they are sometimes all to eagar to catagorize your problem and put you into a box with the appropriate pill. I have read several articles on the benefits and successes of cannabis and depression that hopefully will become more popular in the mental health world.

High five Andy-

Posted by THis is NOT lucy | February 1, 2012 8:44 PM

---

It's very, very hard to say the words. But I speak from experience when I say that once you start, it gets easier, and the people around you begin to learn - as you let them in - that just because it's NOT a "seeable, touchable, knowable (read: openly discussed and comfortable)" illness, it is an illness, and often leads to severe physical symptoms and emotional/social impacts that can be devestating for you and your family/friends. So Andy, I don't know you, but I like you and am impressed by your strength and willingness to put your story out there. I stand with you, and you are inspiring me to keep being open about my own struggles and journey. Thank you, thank you.

Posted by Jessica TR | February 1, 2012 9:42 PM

---

one of the articles I was speaking of above:

http://www.sociology.org/columnists/michael-sosteric/cannabis-cure

Posted by This is NOT lucy | February 1, 2012 10:05 PM

---

This is Not lucy -

I'm a big fan of the herb, for many reasons. ( I don't partake currently because of the desire to be as present as possible for my kids as a 24/7 dad.)

Due to the varying strengths and effects of cannabis, I think it's important to have knowledgeable medical/psychological assistance whenever one experiments with a new treatment.

Thanks to the wonders of brain chemistry, what soothes my symptoms might send your similar symptoms through the roof, and vice versa.

Sadly, those with interests in maintaining the drug war, the liquor lobby, pharmaceutical companies and ignorant and/or opportunistic politicians have managed to restrict the research and medicinal use of cannabis.

But while I'm not familiar with the network of enlightened and courageous psychiatrists and psychologists in Minnesota who would use marijuana to treat a patient, I'm sure they exist.

Posted by Jim Shapiro | February 2, 2012 11:10 AM

---

Let's not have a debate over legalizing marijuana here, if that's where this is heading. Thank you.

Posted by Bob Collins | February 2, 2012 11:18 AM

---

Bob - Not to worry. A debate implies that there a cogent arguments on opposite sides of an issue. :-)

Posted by Jim Shapiro | February 2, 2012 11:26 AM

---

"Bob - Not to worry. A debate implies that there a cogent arguments on opposite sides of an issue. :-)

Posted by Jim Shapiro | February 2, 2012 11:26 AM"

yah. : )

"But while I'm not familiar with the network of enlightened and courageous psychiatrists and psychologists in Minnesota who would use marijuana to treat a patient, I'm sure they exist."

Me either. Although rumor has it that Regions is building a multi-floored mental health facility on their St. Paul campus as we write.

We could really use some psychologist and psychiatrists who know what they are talking about.

Posted by THis is NOT lucy | February 2, 2012 2:08 PM

---

Dr. Jon Hallberg and the Hippocrates Cafe have focused their next program on this issue:
https://www.facebook.com/events/229404510481280/

Darkness Invisible will be performed at the Uof M's Mayo Auditorium tomorrow.

Posted by Jay Sieling | February 2, 2012 3:51 PM

---

Jay Sieling - Very cool. And gratis! You people in Minnesota don't know how good you've got it. You can't go to the bathroom in California without having to pay an admission fee. :-)

Posted by Jim Shapiro | February 2, 2012 4:16 PM

---

Again, my first post was deleted apparently truth is not allowed.
Jay,
What kind of images are brought forth when you apply a title such as 'Darkness Invisible ' when speaking of a mental disorder?

Do you think this helps in informing or further stigmatizing mental illness and the public opinion?

Leave it to the U and their Hypocrite Cafe to further dis inform. Like I said above, we need psychologists and psychiatrists who know what they are talking about and NOT ones who pour gasoline on the fire of your modern day witch burning.

Posted by This is NOT lucy | February 3, 2012 8:46 AM

---

A big thank you and hug to Andy Cook! My two teenagers both have mental illnesses, and I watch them struggle with the stigma in school not only with peers but with teachers and administration. The more people with mental illness can share their stories, the more accepted this will be.

Posted by Andrea | February 3, 2012 10:17 AM

---

This is not Lucy - "What kind of images are brought forth when you apply a title such as 'Darkness Invisible ' when speaking of a mental disorder?"

While perhaps the brilliant film and book "A Beautiful Mind" was titled in a more accurate way to describe the sometimes paradoxical nature of mental illness,

I would guess that most sufferers would identify with the dark nature of their challenges, as would those who care for them personally and professionally.

I would also guess that those who created the work were well-intended, and would be more than open to hear feedback on the title and performance, if delivered in a civil manner. :-)

Posted by Jim Shapiro | February 3, 2012 12:44 PM

---

This is Not Lucy-

Did you explore this event beyond the title? Hippocrates Cafe is not a lecture setting. It uses art, poetry, music and song to explore issues in healthcare. I posted the link because today's show explores issues in mental health and mental illness in medical trainees. I think it relates to Andy Cook's story as well. The title is not meant to cast aspersions or further stigmatize this issue. I think it specifically captures the difficulties of the issue with in the population of medical trainees.

Here is the full description of the program, and the mission of Hippocrates Cafe:

Hippocrates Cafe will perform, "Darkness Invisible," February 3, from 4:45 to 5:45 pm at Mayo Memorial Auditorium on the University of Minnesota - Twin Cities campus.

The show will explore mental health and illness in medical trainees.

CAST
Jenny Beck-Esmay, medical student and actress
Mark Nelson, Guthrie actor
Simone Perrin, accordionista and chanteuse
Jacqueline Ultan, cellist

FREE and OPEN TO THE PUBLIC

ABOUT HIPPOCRATES CAFE
Hippocrates Cafe productions use professional actors and musicians to explore health care topics through story and song.

Creator and director Jon Hallberg, MD, hosts each show, providing context for performances. Hallberg wears many hats, including serving as assistant professor in family medicine at the University of Minnesota; medical director at the award-winning University of Minnesota Physicians Mill City Clinic; and regular medical commentator on Minnesota Public Radio.

To-date, Hippocrates Cafe has performed 25+ shows in a variety of venues for audiences of 10-700. Topics have included cancer survivorship, care for the underserved, cold and flu, and eating disorders.

Shows are non-prescriptive in nature and designed for radio play.

Posted by Jay Sieling | February 3, 2012 1:04 PM

---

jim-

I would guess that most sufferers would identify with the dark nature of their challenges, as would those who care for them personally and professionally.

Civilly, jim, dark inivisible implies some sort of evil-to me-maybe I was reading it backwards...sheesh Andy Cook was diagnosed with depression and mild anxiety...who doesn't have some form of this in todays society and IF you read the attached info on Cannabis, you would have also understood that the author Michael Socteric states that our society (as it is) survives and flourishes on the stresses that it creates. Dark Invisible implies some sort of deep wickedness or deep rooted evil and that is just not the case.

and dearest mr sieling,
yes, I followed the link and apparently wasn't impressed with the little information that it supplied. It didn't tell me much of anything about their acting other than they are actors... Personally, a guy who wears many hats is more that likely unable to do a really good and thorough job that he would be able to do by wearing just one hat.

So Jim, should I use sarcasm to appear to be civil or can I be Frank?

Posted by This is NOT lucy | February 3, 2012 2:42 PM

---

This is NOT lucy - You're preachin' to the choir re the biochemical powers of and sociological sins against cannabis. In my not so humble opinion, Michael Pollan set the bar with his brilliant analysis in "The Botany of Desire." Check it out if you haven't already.

The pain of the challenge/gift of "mental illness" is often such that it leads to the assumption that nobody could possibly understand, and because the brain is so complex and egos are inevitably involved, lots of treatment mistakes are made by people who really do care.

Re the "sarcasm vs frank" distinction, I sometimes use "satire" in writing because people's defenses tend to go down when they're laughing, and they might see their reflection and decide whether or not they want to be open to change.

While the pain of the anger and frustration that tends to be behind sarcasm ( frankness?) is valid,

if the goal is to change others, how does that "get more with honey than vinegar" thing go again? :-)

Posted by Jim Shapiro | February 5, 2012 12:24 PM

---

• E-mail this page
• Print this page
• Tweet this page
• Share this

Services

• Hourly Newscast
• HD Radio
• iPhone App / Mobile
• E-mail newsletters
• RSS feeds
• Podcasts
• Submit your photos
• Videos
• Weather
• Most e-mailed stories