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How To Recognize A Band That Does Not Rock

Posted at 12:00 PM on October 30, 2006 by Hans Eisenbeis (15 Comments)

Used to be you turned up the guitar distortion to cover up the fact that your band couldn't play. Today you can do the same thing with a good foundation, eyeliner, and some rouge.

But of all the reasons bands are using extra makeup these days, our Boston Globe reporter failed to identify this one: Avoiding public recongition and getting sued into oblivion.

True, bands have been wearing makeup going back a long ways-- to Kiss, Iggy Pop, Ziggy Stardust, T. Rex, and even Elvis. The difference is this: Bands that do it today are bad and you shouldn't listen to them. (Hint: the opposite of wearing makeup? Wearing a beard!)

After the jump: The worst offenders!

30 Seconds to Mars, courtesy Virgin Records

"We look silly!" 30 Seconds to Mars, Virgin Records


Panic at the Disco, courtesy of the band

"We look sillier!" –Panic at the Disco, WEA/Atlantic


My Chemical Romance, courtesy WEA

"We look silliest!" –My Chemical Romance, WEA records

Comments (15)

I always thought this page was funny
The Victory Records Band Page - http://www.victoryrecords.com/AllBands.asp

This label has quite a few bands on it,including the Minneapolis Band - Four Letter Lie.

This might the best example of throw enough bands at the wall and we'll see who makes it, I have ever seen. You can literally smell the post hardcore aftershave on this one. Well, the ones that need to shave.

Posted by Rich Horton | October 30, 2006 1:22 PM

For the record, luchadore masks are not makeup:

http://www.straitjackets.com/

While they do play a cover of My Heart Will Go On on their 'The Velvet Touch of Los Straitjackets', it rocks pretty hard.

Posted by Jellodyne | October 31, 2006 1:30 PM


30 seconds to mars r da BEST ever, i luv The Kill
altho tha bear bit is quite random

Posted by Steph Westly | April 10, 2007 8:23 AM

how kool ! the kill !

Posted by steph xx | April 10, 2007 8:30 AM

I think that the fact that you think that bands that wear makeup are bad bands is appaling. You have the gall to diss bands like that without backround knowledge? Have you actually listened and I mean LISTENED to the songs and the words that the bands have written? I must admit they are not as good as some of the greats like The Beatles or Elvis but they are great bands for our day and to call them bad bands and tell people not to listen to them because they wear makeup is not only wrong but disrespectful.

Posted by Its Just Me | April 10, 2007 6:44 PM

i agree with the previous two posts, 30 seconds to mars, panic! and my chemical romance are some of the best modern bands and they care about entertainment and getting the message across. they are talented at what they do and deserve respect. and yes, the bear. . . is just a little random, but life needs a little randomness. life needs a little unexpected punch once in a while, it makes it worth seeing what's next.

Posted by larry tp | April 10, 2007 6:52 PM

wtf?
mcr, 30 seconds to mars, and panic at the disco are one of the best bands..

you have no music taste at all.

Posted by nicole | April 13, 2007 11:36 PM

This has got to be one of the stupidest articles I've seen. Making fun of bands' MAKE-UP? Puh-lease. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion I suppose...so I'll state mine. You can't compare everyone to the classics. That was then, this is now. Evolution and all that. It happens that I am a fan of My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco and especially 30 Seconds to Mars. Sure, I thought they were all FREAKS when I first saw them, especially Panic!, but for all three mentioned, you have to look beyond they eyeliner. There is much more to bands than looks and what's on their face. Talent, I suppose? Which all three have. Classifying everyone the same, lumping the artists into the same categories is wrong. There are hidden messages everywhere. Need I bring up 30STM? Look them up. You'll learn a lot. I know I was fascinated. So please, don't diss bands because they where make-up. Listen to the music first, then judge later.

Posted by Wonderland Is Now Our Home | April 14, 2007 6:30 PM

wow.....your really a sad person...people need to look over the fact that they were make-up and dress difierently,.....that is not what makes there music sucsesful its their music....and their lyrics...so they kiss on stage but there just fooling around and if you actually did your reasearch they say that they do it just to get the crowd going!

Posted by Saamantha | April 19, 2007 8:14 PM

I oughta punch your in your face whoever you are and I'm pretty sure that you wouldnt like it if some random person came up to you and started dissing you on what you wear and dont tell me that you wouldnt care at all because its basically human nature to care what people see you as and I am willing to bet you do care about what people think about ... you shouldnt listen because they wear eyeliner? Who are you to say that these bands arent true bands becasue they wear make up? I'm sure you would want to hit somebody too if they told you Kiss wasn't a real band or anyone of your favorite bands or singers. Oh and by the way the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars has had a beard before and worn eyeliner so now what? Do they suck or are they awesome because they have had beards ... I'm sorry if I came across as rude but I think you should listen to their music ... all 3 of the bands actually and most of the music has a message if you listen to it ... I cant imagine you at Taste of Chaos with all those bands ...

Posted by ***Faithful Member of the Mars Army*** | April 21, 2007 7:51 PM

Excuse my spelling mistakes and I meant to put you after where it says I am willing to bet you do care what people think about

Posted by ***Faithful Member of the Mars Army*** | April 21, 2007 9:07 PM

i love all of these bands! espcially 30 Seconds to mars..they rock so much..they sing about stuff which they are passionate about. Whats wrong with that? I always listen to the music and you can't see them as they sing on c.d so u cn tell if they r good or u r just into the video or speicial effects..n well i love 30 seconds to mars with or with out looking at them or their make-up! great guys, great songs, great band! x and the others are really good to! x

Posted by Becky! :] | April 22, 2007 2:22 PM

omgosh..ur so pathetic..dissing bands just cuz how they look..man u really need to get a life... all 3 of these bands are amazing and very talented and if u can't see that then screw u man... their lyrics are amazing and meaningful and it doens't matter how they look as long as their lyrics hav a meanig to them.. ur just mad cuz u aren't as talented and amazing as these 3 bands are.. ur pitiful...just listen to their music. really listen to it. and understand it. and the whole beard thing was dumb...if u didn't notice that one guy in 30STM has a beard... gosh..w/e man

Posted by P!ATD's #1 Fan Rite Here | April 22, 2007 4:53 PM

who says you guys get to decide what is and isnt good make up yes panic at the disco suck bunches and i dont even have to say how bad 30stm is but MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE is the most original band youre gonna find in a long time and if they want to wear stars around their nipples and dance in tutus they can because their music is the most amazing and life changing thing out there. so fire at will mothafuckas haha lol

Posted by Mrs. Way | April 29, 2007 11:49 PM

wow... when i read this no words came into my mind. A state of shock perhaps, when the brain shuts down and you can only utter, "... ... ..." Then my mind recovered and a list of profanities and the raising of a generally middle finger seemed the best way of expressing my extreme opposition to this article. But really, we are all commenting on this because we are devoted to the kind of music that accompanies the makeup, scarves, ties, and occasional bear costume. Don't let one poorly written review turn you into a chatspeaking ball of rage. Stop dissing "The worst offenders." They have a team of highly devoted fans who would not think twice about stalking down to your house and keying your car.

Posted by rabidsquirrel | May 10, 2007 7:49 PM

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