For years, I wore a size 13 shoe. This was hard enough during the 80s and 90s, when most shoe stores' inventory stopped at 12 (if that) for all the shoes you'd want to wear ... one could get a few 13s in Hush Puppies and riduculous Florsheim wing-tips in that horrid orange leather. Now with the advent of the internets, I can find plenty of 13s, and in some cases 14s. On rare occasion, 15s. But I seem to be in a 16 now. 16, for the love of Yaweh. I am almost 40.

They say your nose and your earlobes keep growing throughout your life (I'm not actually sure if this is true -- it might be a myth, but I'm willing to believe it, given the gigantic earlobes some elderly people have). It apparently has something to do with cartilage. So, it would seem that's the substance my toes are made of as well.

God is determined to get me into those Florsheims. He hates me.