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Classical Notes

Classical music history, rewritten as clickbait

Posted at 9:36 AM on May 6, 2014 by Jay Gabler
Filed under: The blog

What if classical music history was written as a series of shamelessly sensational headlines designed to drive clicks on the Internet?

iPad.jpg

This long-dead composer's numerology obsession told him his birthday in 2014 would be absolutely epic

How many recordings of one piece are enough? Say, like, a THOUSAND?

When his musicians needed some time off for lovin', this composer wrote a piece that made sure they got it

Was this famous Mass of death really meant for a fun family singalong?

This deluxe 1970 Beethoven set cost the equivalent of a thousand dollars. Why is it nearly worthless now?

What did this guy do when he heard Schubert's "Unfinished" symphony? He finished it.

Bayreuth was almost built in New Ulm, Minnesota

Critics don't know a thing about music, and this composer proved it

You'll feel guilty about loving the seductive music this composer wrote for his best friend's wife

Read this and you'll be outraged that Tchaikovsky was played at the Olympics

This dead white guy was Beyoncé's cousin

If you've called this Impressionist composer an "Impressionist composer," he thinks you're an imbecile

Look at this composer's self-portraits and you won't be able to sleep tonight

Enjoy this children's book about a ballet where a young girl dances herself to death in a grotesque pagan sacrifice

When he conducted, this composer looked like an awkward bird with an apple on his head


Photo: Dan Kitwood/Getty