Posted at 6:04 AM on February 4, 2009
by David Zingler
MINNEAPOLIS - After an uneventful offseason that has failed to produce even one significant addition to the team, the Twins held a press conference today to announce they had purchased the necessary equipment to hold their annual spring training in Ft. Myers, FL beginning later this month.
"I just realized that spring training was coming up and I had done nothing, absolutely nothing," general manager Bill Smith explained. "So I got on the phone and got some things done."
"Last season basically every move I made blew up in my face," Smith continued with a bat perched on the seat beside him. "So, I decided to play it safe and go with traditional companies like Louisville Slugger and Rawlings for our equipment needs in 2009."
When Smith opened the floor for questions, he was greeted by yawns from what is left of the print journalists covering the team.
(Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Not my joke, but: "The Twins announced that newly hired groundskeeper DiVito will fill the hole at third base!"
Have you checked out his seed-to-fertilizer ratio? It's unreal.