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Off Day News: Bonds confesses to using Flintstone Chewables

Posted at 9:01 AM on June 29, 2006 by David Zingler (6 Comments)

SAN FRANCISCO - In a tear-filled press conference, Giants slugger Barry Bonds admitted that he began ingesting large amounts of Flintstone Chewable Vitamins prior to the 2000 season in hopes of boosting his homerun totals.

“Now you guys can finally put this whole thing to rest,” an emotional Bonds told the media yesterday. “It’s embarrassing for a grown man of my stature in this macho environment to admit to using a product designed for 2-3 year olds. I hope you’re happy – the witch hunt is over!”

Bonds later claimed that he did not initially refute the steroid rumors because he thought they made him seem “bad ass.” “At first, I thought the steroid accusations were good – that they would throw you guys off the scent, but then the thing just got out of control. My kids were taunted at school, they would come home crying – do you people know what that is like? I had to come clean; I had to be able to live with myself.”

Too embarrassed to purchase the vitamins himself, the 7-time MVP sent his personal trainer and former BALCO employee, Greg Anderson, to stock up. “In the beginning, I would send him to WalMart where he would load up a shopping cart,” Bonds explained. “But eventually it got so out of hand that we were buying them wholesale – by the pallet.”

Bud Selig meanwhile, said he was pleasantly surprised and relieved by Bonds’ unusual confession, “I am delighted that some of games’ most sacred records are safe,” the commissioner explained. “As a result, I have called off the Mitchell investigation and am looking forward to Barry’s spirited chase of Henry Aaron’s record.”

Upon hearing of Selig’s announcement, Bonds replied, “Yabbadabbadoo!”

Comments (6)

It all makes sense now-----I hope all you reporters will take Joe Morgan's lead and leave Bonds alone now----He has done nothing wrong--- other than love the game of baseball too much.

Posted by michael | June 29, 2006 12:35 PM

Give me a break. Bonds has done nothing wrong? He was definately on steroids at one point. Too much evidence and spike of HR to say different.

Posted by Nora | June 29, 2006 11:20 PM

oh, well, now that nora says so, case closed.

Posted by ryan | June 29, 2006 11:35 PM

Sorry but way too much talk and evidence presented. I have yet to see this controversy die.Definate spikes there in HR about the same time Mcguire etc. who admitted to using steroids. Concidence? I think not. I have yet to see any evidence to say that he didn't. Those spikes in HR's is evidence enough imo. Same sort of spike players who have admitted to steroids. Just because you decided to not agree with me doesn't make it case closed that he is innocent either.

Posted by Nora | June 30, 2006 12:25 AM

The Bonds steriod saga has been steadily building momentum for years now. There is a mountain of very damning evidence. It is just a matter of time before the allegations are "proven".

And you know what I am talking about........

Posted by daveZ | June 30, 2006 8:33 AM

I also heard he only eats the Bam-Bam's, so his contract rider stated that they all had to be sorted out.

Posted by Ben Tesch | June 30, 2006 9:27 AM

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