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The Bleacher Bums: April 15, 2006 Archive

Protecting a universe near you.

Posted at 11:43 PM on April 15, 2006 by Josh Lee (1 Comments)

The Twins struck first tonight, scoring three runs off of Yankee starter Jaret Wright in the 2nd inning, and adding one more in the 4th. A game in which Minnesota takes an early lead and holds it for the game's entirety is, of course, a situation which would undoubtedly cause the space-time continuum to implode, and so in order to keep the early heat death of the universe at bay, Johan Santana had no choice but to give up four runs -- obviously, it takes a dire situation to force Santana to do something as unusual as giving up four runs, but the fate of the universe was resting on his shoulders, and what's a no-decision when compared to the fate of the universe?

Ron Gardenhire relieved him of the burden of a potential loss, though, putting the ball in Jesse Crain's hands with the game tied in the 7th. Crain, not unaware of his responsibilities, did his part to protect the space-time continuum by allowing the heart of New York's batting order to hit three straight singles off of him. With the Twins now behind by a run, the stars settled back into their normal orbits, and entropy cooled down to its usual levels. Francisco Liriano and Juan Rincon then reminded the Yankees that when they're not busy saving the entire universe, Twins pitchers are pretty darn good in the clutch (especially now that J.C. Romero is in Anaheim).

Meanwhile, Minnesota's batters didn't want to make the situation any worse, and spent most of the game stepping up to the plate and quickly sitting back down again, with the exceptions of Joe Mauer, who the Yankees intentionally walked twice, and Luis Castillo, who's still new to the team and didn't know about the Twins' alternate role as protectors of space and time. Castillo, oblivious to the danger he was putting the universe in, hit a deep triple, which delighted the crowd at the Metrodome, but put all of reality in jeopardy. Luckily, Rondell White got the memo and struck out to strand Castillo.

All bets were off in the 9th, though, and with the space-time continuum now back in a stable state, the Twins could get back to the business of coming from behind to beat the Yankees, 6-5. Mariano Rivera tried to convince the Twins that a blown save by Rivera would also put the universe in danger, but the Twins are no fools -- they know the difference between a reality-threatening situation and something that just doesn't happen very often. Luis "What Space-Time Continuum" Castillo and Joe "You Should've Walked Me Again" Mauer both singled, and a couple of batters later, Justin "RBIs Are Fun And Easy" Morneau hit them in to swipe the second game of the series from New York's clutches. An entertaining game, another big win, and the equilibrium of the universe maintained -- not a bad night's work!

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