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The Perfect League

Posted at 9:11 AM on April 28, 2005 by David Zingler (1 Comments)

Brett Favre: 6í2Ē, 224 lbs
Barry Bonds: 6í2Ē, 228 lbs

Yesterday it was the NFLís turn to face congress, but unlike Major League Baseballís grilling in March, a love fest ensued. Through a top secret source we have obtained a partial transcript of the proceedings. You wonít get this on CSPAN.

Congressperson A: Hello Commissioner, we would like to congratulate you for overseeing the greatest sports league in the history of our nation. Your league has done more to promote violence, objectify women and expedite the dumbing down of our culture than any other organized sport in this countryís history. Thank you.

Congressperson B: Donít forget about steroids. The NFL does not tolerate steroids Ė no way, no how.

NFL Commissioner: Why thank you. Our players are such great athletes that they can become 300 lb. super beasts who run the 40 yard dash in less than five seconds without the aid of performance enhancing drugs. It saddens me to see such a problem in baseball, the freakish growth of Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire should have served as a red flag for that sport long ago.

Congressperson A: Thereís no doubt about that Commissioner; itís a disgrace. Again, I would like to commend you for your well run league. Other than Los Angeles, our nationís largest metropolitan area, you have teams in all of the major media markets and besides a few incidents of domestic violence and an occasional murder conviction; your players are great role models for our youth.

Congressperson B: Donít forget about the Pro Bowl. Even though itís played a week after the Super Bowl, no other all star game can match its drama.

NFL Commissioner: Thank you.

Congressperson A: Itís apparent to me that there is no reason to question the policies of your impeccable institution. Instead, my constituents are more interested in your take of their teamís performance in last weekendís draft.


Comments (1)

Your take is completely wrong.

You cannot compare how the NFL and MLB has dealt with the steroids issue. MLB chose to ignore this issue for the last 15 years. They did this because they needed steroids to put a dying sport back on the map after mismanagement and a work stoppage. Almost all of the records set in the last 15-20 years are being questioned, along with the majority of superstars that played during this era. The only thing MLB has done, is put a very weak steroids policy in place. The NFL on the other hand, addressed the issue in the late 1980's, and with the exceptions of a few incidents, has kept steroids out of the game. Yesterday, Paul Tagliabue was prepared to answer questions on the documents he provided to the committee, along with any other issues they had. Bud Selig was not prepared to do either when he testified last month. Therefore, I think the NFL should have been treated better than MLB during the committee hearings.

Posted by Brian | April 28, 2005 11:28 AM


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